Well, my post-C25K 5K is in the books… and I have to admit that I am shocked. Aside from the fact that I have this idea in my head that heavier = slower, the hills on the course really don’t help in terms of achieving speed. And since I’m focusing on building mileage, I haven’t done any speedwork at all. So it was a very pleasant surprise to shave 71 seconds off my previous 5K time. And it’s a good thing that this put me in a cheery mood, because of what happened next.
Since it sucked so much last year, I need to do another triathlon. I’m going to do it with the same team, but I’m not sure yet which tri I’m going to do. That’s not really the point of this story, though. The point is that they had a “meet the coaches” kind of thing for people who were interested in possibly doing a triathlon / have never done one before. I don’t exactly fall into that category, but one of the people who works for the organization told me that I had to come because she wanted to see me… so I went. She didn’t even show up (she had a good reason, I’m not upset with her, that’s not the point of this story either), but I did see one of the coaches whom I haven’t seen since the summer.
The only sessions I ever attended with this coach were swim clinics. He didn’t recognize me at first, because it’s always a little disorienting when you see someone in clothes instead of a swimsuit! Of course, I got there early, so we were just hanging around and chatting about random things. When I told him that I had fractured my pelvis, his eyes almost popped out of his head, which looked rather comical. This was followed up with, “You look a lot healthier.”
Now, pretty much everyone knows that in the world of a person with an eating disorder, “You look healthier” = “You look fatter.” Which, obviously, I do. I know this. I am not happy about this. But if I have to choose between being skinnier and not able to run, and being a few pounds heavier and able to run, the latter wins every time.
The point is that I wasn’t as pissed off about hearing that as I would have expected. I guess it helped that I had just set a new PR, because it made me feel a little bit like there might have been a reason for me to have gotten as fat as I am.
What did piss me off is that despite my dietitians saying I am doing well, my mom is still constantly harassing me that I look too skinny and blah blah blah. So I told her that she ought to have a little chat with this coach, since she sees me every day and it’s harder for her to see any differences, but he hasn’t seen me in months so it’s obvious to him. And she responded that she did see a difference, “but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.”
That pissed me off. Because the very few times when I expressed how I felt about gaining weight (in a word: disgusted), she brushed it off and told me I was crazy and imagining things. Now she says that she does see a difference. So in one of these two instances, she was lying to me.
Not a good thing to do with someone who already has trust issues. Just saying.
Anyway, I went to the orthopedist this morning, and I guess I can say that my pelvis is officially declared healed. What is not healed is my terror that something terrible will happen at any given moment, but I guess that will go away with time. It had better.
He gave me a strength training workout to do — which kind of makes me want to laugh hysterically, because, hello… am I supposed to be able to do that?! My knees hurt just at the thought of it. Then again, I suppose the only way to find out is to try…
And oh, hey, my favorite holiday is this week. (Yes, I know, I have a lot of those. NOT.) Joy of joys. Incidentally, on that holiday last year, I ran the race course of my first 5K… and I had never thought I would be able to do something like that. Nor did I think I’d fall in love with running, or that it would, ironically, be the thing that “saved” me when so many other things over the years have failed to do that. Life is weird.