Monthly Archives: March 2012

Being the Example

Huh.  Well.  This is just weird for me.

I had an appointment with my sports nutritionist earlier this week (“sports” being a necessary adjective, since, yes, I do have two nutritionists… don’t ask), and she told me that she used me as an example with another client — a teenaged girl who was worried that gaining weight would negatively impact her running by making her lose speed.

That was me not that long ago.  I was absolutely, positively convinced that if I gained even an ounce, that extra weight would just add onto the bulk I have to carry when I’m running.  But you know what?  The exact opposite happened.  Before the half marathon disaster, I was doing dedicated speedwork, and I was practically killing myself to get under an 8:00 mile (which I finally did manage, barely).  Right now, I’m focusing on building mileage over all else, so beyond throwing in a few fartleks here and there, I’m not working on speed at all.  And guess what?  I got faster.  I can run a sub-8:00 mile now, and it feels a hell of a lot easier than it did six months ago.

It’s just weird to think that I was used as an example of something other than what not to do… because that’s what usually happens.

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In Which I (Nearly) Win a Race

I guess this means I don’t have another fracture?… I think I’d probably know by now if I did.  Still, doesn’t stop me from freaking out.  My acupuncturist stated the obvious: even if it is fractured, freaking out won’t really do much good.  Yes, but… logic isn’t always my strong suit.

Anyway, I was supposed to be seeing the osteo specialist today, so I figured that I didn’t have to bother going to anyone else about this.  Except that I am such a massive genius, I neglected to get my labs done, so that appointment has now been postponed until mid-April.  Awesome.  It wouldn’t have helped much anyway — the first 5K was yesterday.

Rather than repeat what I did before the half marathon (skip my last training run because my hip felt weird), I went out on Friday; if I was going to be injured and have to suck in a race, I would rather not start.  And besides, I was planning to wear my new PureConnects for the race, and I had only worn them once — I needed to give them another try!

My hip didn’t feel any worse or better for having run, so I decided to race.  (Race, not run.)

I really love these shoes.  Not aesthetically, really, but they feel so awesome!

Anyway, my new 5K racing strategy is to go out like a bat from hell and keep going until I either drop dead or cross the finish line.  It’s probably why the first mile was the fastest mile I have ever run in my life.

By the time I reached that first mile marker, there were only two people ahead of me.  One was too far away for me to ever catch her, but I used the second one as my personal rabbit: I stayed a few feet behind her for the entire distance, then sprinted past her at the finish line.

My official time was 24:50.9; hers was 24:51.1.  She was very gracious about it — a lot more so than I would have been!  Heh.

So, yeah… I didn’t win, but I did come in second.  And first in my age group, which means I finally have a placement medal that I actually earned (unlike the last one).  I also have a glass trophy for placing second overall, even though it says “first place,” because they can’t get everything right, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with said trophy, but I am hardly going to complain about that!

I’m not even going to complain about the fact that one side still feels kind of strange.  It’s more of a muscle soreness, though, I think.  And oh, apparently you can get groin pain when you’re ovulating.  Well.  Isn’t that awesome.  Does that mean this is going to happen all the time now?!  Because I don’t think I would be able to deal with that.

I don’t know, it just feels very scary to have my happiness hinge on something so… tenuous.  It’s terrifying to know that it could be snatched away from me in an eyeblink.

Freaking the **** Out

Nobody cares about this, and I can’t talk about this to anyone who might give a damn, because as previously mentioned, nobody does.  But I am freaking the **** out.

I have two races within the next two weeks.  These are races I was really looking forward to, for a variety of reasons.  And guess what?

My groin feels weird.

It isn’t painful, but when I first fractured my pelvis, it was more uncomfortable than painful, too.  It scares the crap out of me to try running now.  I was just starting to let go of my fear, and now it’s magnified by a thousand.

I make me sick.

Favorite Time of the Year

My all-time favorite holiday is coming up! (NOT.) It is a well-chronicled fact that I abhor Pesach.  Actually, I shouldn’t say that; I don’t love the holiday itself, but what really drives me bonkers is the preparation.  Especially when my mom is doing it, because she goes waaaaay overboard.  I get a headache just thinking about it.

Anyway, this year I am determined to actually clear out the freezers once and for all instead of storing things in my sister’s spare freezer.  I was quite astonished to learn just how many Steamfresh bags I have!  So, yeah, this is going to be a fun couple of weeks as I eat a bunch of weird, random things in an attempt to consume the things from the freezers.

Sometimes that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I had about half a loaf of bread in there.  Solution: make French toast.

You can’t tell, but I deviated from the usual “cinnamon / vanilla extract / egg white” mixture, and used chocolate fudge extract instead.  I could barely taste it, either, now that I think of it.  Oh well.

Other concoctions are more bizarre… and most of them look extremely unappetizing, even though they taste fine.  This one wasn’t so bad (in terms of appearance).

And hey — I learned that mushroom soup + nutritional yeast makes a pretty good sauce for vegetables.  Albeit a watery one…

My determination to clear all of this extra food out, once and for all, is spurred in part by the fact that it is cheaper to eat what you already have.  Brilliant, I know.  But for some reason, I am spending way too much money lately, so I need to save it wherever possible!

Spending money: well, I only do it a couple of times a year, thanks to its outrageous price, but my hair needed to be cut.

Then, even though I use my dSLR most of the time, I like having a point-and-shoot that I can just shove in my pocket.  Even more so now that I’m learning many of the races I am doing won’t have official photographers!  I was perfectly satisfied with the one I had — I didn’t care that it was eight years old and only 4.0 MP — but it was really starting to die.

Do you know that the old camera — eight years ago — cost more than the new one?  Kind of funny to think about that.

Then I learned Running Warehouse was having a sale on long-sleeved tops.  I had such a hard time finding those last year, I couldn’t possibly not buy any!

Three tech tops for under $60?  Please.  How am I supposed to turn that down?

Less pleasant, but necessary:

Knee straps help for runner’s knee.  They don’t do a thing for ITBS.  Knee wraps do, a bit, but I hate them because then I feel like I can’t really bend my knee, and it does not breathe.  At all.  I’ve only used these once, but oh, it was blissful.

Although I might be a little biased, considering what happened during that run:

Yeah.  I did not know I could do that, so it was pretty cool.  I was only running fast because I’m trying to do exposure therapy on myself so that I can get over this paranoid fear of getting another fracture if I do run fast… but I remember trying my damndest to get under an eight-minute mile back in September, and I did eventually do it (barely), but it felt way harder than this did.  Weird.

Or else being fatter is good for something.  Hallelujah.

“You Look a Lot Healthier”

Well, my post-C25K 5K is in the books… and I have to admit that I am shocked.  Aside from the fact that I have this idea in my head that heavier = slower, the hills on the course really don’t help in terms of achieving speed.  And since I’m focusing on building mileage, I haven’t done any speedwork at all.  So it was a very pleasant surprise to shave 71 seconds off my previous 5K time.  And it’s a good thing that this put me in a cheery mood, because of what happened next.

Since it sucked so much last year, I need to do another triathlon.  I’m going to do it with the same team, but I’m not sure yet which tri I’m going to do.  That’s not really the point of this story, though.  The point is that they had a “meet the coaches” kind of thing for people who were interested in possibly doing a triathlon / have never done one before.  I don’t exactly fall into that category, but one of the people who works for the organization told me that I had to come because she wanted to see me… so I went.  She didn’t even show up (she had a good reason, I’m not upset with her, that’s not the point of this story either), but I did see one of the coaches whom I haven’t seen since the summer.

The only sessions I ever attended with this coach were swim clinics.  He didn’t recognize me at first, because it’s always a little disorienting when you see someone in clothes instead of a swimsuit!  Of course, I got there early, so we were just hanging around and chatting about random things.  When I told him that I had fractured my pelvis, his eyes almost popped out of his head, which looked rather comical.  This was followed up with, “You look a lot healthier.”

Now, pretty much everyone knows that in the world of a person with an eating disorder, “You look healthier” = “You look fatter.”  Which, obviously, I do.  I know this.  I am not happy about this.  But if I have to choose between being skinnier and not able to run, and being a few pounds heavier and able to run, the latter wins every time.

The point is that I wasn’t as pissed off about hearing that as I would have expected.  I guess it helped that I had just set a new PR, because it made me feel a little bit like there might have been a reason for me to have gotten as fat as I am.

What did piss me off is that despite my dietitians saying I am doing well, my mom is still constantly harassing me that I look too skinny and blah blah blah.  So I told her that she ought to have a little chat with this coach, since she sees me every day and it’s harder for her to see any differences, but he hasn’t seen me in months so it’s obvious to him.  And she responded that she did see a difference, “but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.”

That pissed me off.  Because the very few times when I expressed how I felt about gaining weight (in a word: disgusted), she brushed it off and told me I was crazy and imagining things.  Now she says that she does see a difference.  So in one of these two instances, she was lying to me.

Not a good thing to do with someone who already has trust issues.  Just saying.

Anyway, I went to the orthopedist this morning, and I guess I can say that my pelvis is officially declared healed.  What is not healed is my terror that something terrible will happen at any given moment, but I guess that will go away with time.  It had better.

He gave me a strength training workout to do — which kind of makes me want to laugh hysterically, because, hello… am I supposed to be able to do that?!  My knees hurt just at the thought of it.  Then again, I suppose the only way to find out is to try…

And oh, hey, my favorite holiday is this week.  (Yes, I know, I have a lot of those.  NOT.)  Joy of joys.  Incidentally, on that holiday last year, I ran the race course of my first 5K… and I had never thought I would be able to do something like that.  Nor did I think I’d fall in love with running, or that it would, ironically, be the thing that “saved” me when so many other things over the years have failed to do that.  Life is weird.