…That pretty much describes my week.
Sunday, I stepped on a treadmill. I walked on it for five minutes, remembering how much it makes me feel like a hamster on a wheel, and then I ran for five minutes, during which I was so ecstatically happy I thought my heart would burst. (Or maybe that was just my ridiculously high heart rate.) I walked for another five minutes, and called it quits to see how my body would react over the next couple of days.
Monday, we (my mom, sisters, sisters-in-law, and I) went out for my sister’s birthday. I also had an excruciating headache during this outing, which was to a restaurant with a menu which I would have custom-ordered if I was trying to find one with very few things I’d actually want to eat! Pretty much everything was either A) fish or B) drowning in cheese. Totally not eating disorder related: I have always hated both.
But I suppose I managed to eat way more than enough, anyway.
grilled balsamic portobella cap
the soup of the day was lentil soup -- hallelujah, something without cream!
cucumber roll, because... why not
the (very greasy!!) mushrooms from my mom's vegetable plate side
my sister-in-law wanted to order a mozzarella bowl for the table... somehow i ended up eating about a quarter of the bowl (the literal bowl, not the stuff inside it)
The most annoying thing about this was hearing everyone saying things like I shouldn’t get that and I need to be good and That’s too fattening… I wanted to stand up on my chair and yell at them to shut up already because you people sound like me!!
Tuesday was another oh-so-lovely day. My sister is having the floors in her house re-done, and so she moved into my house. With seven kids. I love them, and all, but I really do need a couple of hours of peace when I’m at home. Not to mention the fact that it drives me absolutely bonkers to have people stick their noses in my plate when I am eating, and I am not exaggerating, because a kid’s nose is pretty much level with the countertop. Which I have to use as a table since the actual table is too laden with things. It looks like a computer lab, what with all the laptops in the house!
I was, however, glad to finally be able to go swimming again — I couldn’t last week because of my so-called broken rib. But since I renewed my membership sometime in June, and I do it in six-month increments, I called first to make sure it was still active. I was informed that my membership expires in July of 2012. And that the pool was closed!! The silver lining here, of course, is that I somehow wound up with six free months, but… I didn’t get to swim. Boo.
Instead, I went to my nutritionist. Where I got verification of what I already knew: I am getting fatter and fatter and faaaaaatter. Quite frankly, I’m not sure I can be bothered to care anymore. I want to run again. It seems I am destined to be a fat cow no matter what I do, so whatever.
I got some new dishware on which I’ve had an eye for months:
Of course, I had to use it right away… primarily because with all of the people in the house, these dishes are the most accessible since I didn’t get to put them away yet!
version one: rainbow chard, sprouted mung beans, butternut squash, green beans
version two: rainbow chard, sprouted mung beans, butternut squash, cauliflower, buckwheat
version three: baby kales, roasted delicata squash, kidney beans. with a dressing i created using apple cider vinegar, wildflower honey, and orange juice. which was surprisingly, plate-lickingly good.
Wednesday morning, I decided enough time had elapsed for me to try running again. I hate the whole run-walk thing; it drives me crazy. But beggars can’t be choosers.
Yes, I am easily amused, but I find these corresponding mountains and valleys to be rather entertaining. I am so much slower than I was three months ago!! I’m scared to try running any faster yet, though. Especially because I still haven’t figured out whether or not this hurts. It doesn’t feel like I’m being stabbed and dying, the way it did during the half marathon, but I’m pretty paranoid right now. (Side note: see my insane heart rate?! The weird thing is that it didn’t feel like I was working that hard. You’d think I would be out of breath, but I wasn’t. Then again, I am an anomaly.)
That night, I went to PT, where the orthopedist sent me for a general strengthening program. Evidently I have a backwards tilt to my pelvis — I do everything with an arch in my back, all in the name of “good posture”! It feels really, really weird to “tuck [my] pelvis in.” I did say I have pelvic issues…
Thursday is always delightful because I get to go to acupuncture. And my acupuncture “nap” is very necessary, considering my recent unfortunate habit of waking up at 3.45 AM and staying awake.
I told my acupuncturist that if I don’t get my period soon, I am going to be very pissed, because A) I am fat enough now, and B) look at my face! I am referring to myself as Vashti, because I am breaking out like crazy. Not. Happy.
Is it weird that I find it easier to talk about things like this with my acupuncturist than with my therapist?! Heh, maybe you really do get what you pay for. Apparently, my body image needs some work. No kidding.
Lesson in life: these delicatas are all different sizes, from long and thin to short and squat. And they’re all equally delicious.
Now I just need to knock that concept into my extremely thick skull.