I’m Through.

I wasn’t going to post today.  I was in an incredibly crappy mood all morning, and though I wasn’t quite sure why, I didn’t think my spreading the nonexistent joy would be at all appreciated.  And there are these annoying little fruit fly type insects in the office that are multiplying faster than anyone can kill them, and it is really getting on my nerves.  Ditto my co-worker who, like my professor, has been in this country for years and yet cannot speak English.  I went out on a long walk over my lunch break in an attempt to snap myself out of my funk.  I can’t decide whether it was helpful or harmful that the weather was positively gorgeous!

Anyway, after griping to myself for a bit, I think I may have figured out why I was so irritable.  It’s just testament to how commonplace such things are to me that I didn’t hit on it right away!

You know how I’ve been saying that I want to go skiing?  Well, as I’m sure is blatantly obvious by now, I have absolutely no qualms about going on vacations myself, and in fact I prefer it — with a few exceptions.  I don’t want to go to Vegas on my own (hence why I’ve never been), and I don’t want to go skiing on my own.  Now, going on a ski trip for a day or two shouldn’t be such a problem: it’s not like I live on a tropical island, after all!  But considering that most of my friends are married and have kids, it’s not so easy for them to just take off.  So I asked one of my (very few!) single friends who still lives here if she wanted to come with me.

And here is evidence as to why I do not, and should not, even attempt to make plans with other people.  I asked her this three days ago.  She never answered me.  Seriously — if you’re going to say no, fine, I expected that, but just say it.  I hate it when people ignore me.  I may not be worth spending time with, but I’d like to believe that I at least merit a response.  It really isn’t asking that much, I don’t think.

And so I am through.  I am sick and tired of finding out, again and again and again, that yes, I do suck; and that yes, I’m not even worth the slightest bit of attention.

(To clarify: This is not intended as a woe-is-me whine.  Just saying.  It’s pretty factual.)


I did say I was going to try that “breakfast pudding” with wheat berries, and that’s what happened.

I used applesauce this time, which for some reason was so wet that I didn’t need to add any almond milk at all.  I didn’t include any extract, but I did use some lemon juice; I have no idea if it served any purpose, though!  Seasonings of choice this time were Truvia and apple pie spice.

Another green and white day…

Every so often (read: when it is on sale), I buy seitan to remind myself of its texture, since I tend to forget that amidst my attempts at making my own!  I wish it weren’t so expensive, because I can never get it right.

Tried a new bar:

Raw Revolution Apple Cinnamon.  I liked it; it didn’t taste quite as “green” as the lemon flavor. It’s been a while, but I think I liked the banana flavor just slightly more than this one.

Doesn’t that kind of look like a bucktooth?!

I never did finish the schoolwork I was intending to finish last night… how I’ve gotten as far as I have in my education is really nothing short of a miracle, considering my lackadaisical work ethic in that regard.  And I won’t be getting any work done tonight, either, because even if I didn’t have a splitting headache, I have to go see my nutritionist.  Apparently people will only spend time with me if I pay them for it.

Now that makes me feel good.

Happy Tuesday.  And by the way, Snapple “Real Fact” #855: Oregon has more ghost towns than any other U.S. state.  Hmm…

“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” 
~David Russell


6 responses to “I’m Through.

  1. heh – I probably have been making my seitan wrong, but I wouldn’t know the difference. I didn’t even know they sold seitan, I’ve never ever seen it in stores! I would buy it just to compare though.
    More important thing, though: you absolutely ARE worth every bit of attention and you absolutely do not suck. I absolutely agree that I’d rather hear “no” than just be ignored, though. It’s common courtesy! I mean, I feel bad enough when I realize I’ve accidentally, completely unintentionally “ignored” someone, so I can’t imagine doing it intentionally. I’ve sort of learned, though, to just disregard those types of people. I mean, if they can’t be bothered, why should I?
    If you ever decide to trek up here let me know, and I’ll make a fool of myself on the slopes too, haha. If I was better set-up to offer you a place to stay I would have in a heartbeat last we chatted about it 🙂

  2. I’m feeling just as much of a social outcast as you are right now. If that’s what you go as far as saying? But it’s 10 times better that you actually take the initiative to go out and be with friends. And better yet, you actually have people to ask. I on the other hand, wouldn’t know who to even bother asking. But maybe you shouldn’t jumpt to conclusions. There might be a good reason your friend hasn’t replied. Maybe she’s tight on money and embarrassed or something? I don’t know? I just don’t think it has anything to do with you as a person.

    Hope things get better, really!

  3. Urgh, that would make me feel pretty crappy, too, that she didn’t even bother to answer…but sometimes ppl forget to reply, esp with all these people using smartphones during metro rides, etc. If you really wanna go, you should ask her again…if she doesn’t reply the second time, well, f**k her, it won’t be fun to go with her anyway.

  4. If we weren’t separated by a large ocean and several thousand miles (or if I could afford to cross said ocean!) then I would go with you. Maybe I’ll win the lottery?! I agree that I’d rather have someone say no than ignore me, that’s just irritating. Hope the nutritionist went okay and didn’t add to your list of annoyances xx

  5. Ugh, I could strangle that ‘friend’ right now. I would love to spend time with you, not that the feeling might necessarily be mutual 😉 I could tell you not to be so daft and realise that there are many people that value and respect you, not least all of your commenters, but I know with such crippling insecurity it’s not as simple as that.



  6. Did you ask her in an email? I think some people are REALLY AWFUL about responding to email. I know someone who never responds… it could just be that!

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