…Well, I don’t know.
The past few weeks have been insane, to say the least. My niece’s wedding obviously meant that everything was very hectic, and since his family (he’s the oldest of a lot of siblings… nine, I think) was staying in my house, I had no privacy whatsoever. For two weeks. I mean, yes, I could hole up in my room, but it was frigid in there. That meant I spent a lot of time huddling over my space heater. And trying to get enough sleep to make me stop feeling so exhausted. After an entire week of seven hours a night made no difference whatsoever, I concluded that this is due to end-of-semester stress (the eczema makes its triumphant return), and decided to wait and see what happens.
And I spent a lot of time thinking. About blogging, of course, and my relationship with it, or lack thereof… and I figured out why it was making me feel so crappy. Quite simply, I was expecting too much out of it, just because that’s what other people got out of it. I’ve never been like other people when it comes to such things, and I never should have expected this to be any different. That’s where I went wrong. I let it give me a false, inflated sense of self-importance, like just because I can spout off about whatever, whenever, it means that I actually matter. I’m not one to talk about this now, since I had to join Twitter for a class, and I probably won’t give it up entirely once the semester ends… but I always hated Twitter because I felt like it just gave everyone that same sense of self-importance. Which is not to say that I hold it against anyone if they love these social media tools; it’s just how I feel about it as it pertains to me. And I don’t think it’s a good idea for me, personally, to rely on them so heavily. Like anything else in my life, when I set my expectations too high, I will inevitably end up disappointed.
So, the solution to this, since I seem to be unable to rid myself of the aforementioned sense of self-importance, is to quit expecting anything out of blogging. Which I am sure is easier said than done, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway. I didn’t realize that I felt any sort of pressure to post at all, but I guess I did, and it was nice to get away from that for a while. I’d like to keep feeling that way. It would be a nice added bonus if I could figure out the direction I’d like my blog to take. But that requires some more thinking.
And, as a reward for getting through all that babble, here’s something else I discovered… I don’t eat to blog. I often wondered whether, if I didn’t blog, I’d just revert back to eating the same boring things day in and day out, but that appears not to be the case. So, hooray. Photo time!
…and I think that’s quite enough for now. Especially since tomorrow is my last day of classes (yay yay yay yay yay!), and I have two long presentations to get through, and I don’t really think I’m prepared for them.
Random question… what’s the first thing you pack when going on vacation? (Okay, not so random, since I’ll be in packing hell soon; but not going to complain about that!)
Desolate and lone
All night long on the lake
Where fog trails and mist creeps,
The whistle of a boat
Calls and cries unendingly,
Like some lost child
In tears and trouble
Hunting the harbor’s breast
And the harbor’s eyes.
~Lost, Carl Sandburg