Bad Day Catastrophizing

Today was a pretty crappy day.  In short: I received a grade for an assignment that is worth 20% of the final grade, and it was bad.  Like, I-haven’t-gotten-such-a-grade-since-I-was-in-high-school bad.  For someone like me, who basically views an A- as a failure, this is not something I can take lying down.  It’s because I’m a total moron and didn’t understand exactly what I was supposed to do.  My professor is letting me re-do it, but that doesn’t change the fact that A) I am a dummy for having done that in the first place, and B) I don’t have time for this.

I wasn’t in a great mood before that, either.  It was just one of those days; I generally don’t mind being on my own, but sometimes I just feel so isolated at work that I want to scream.  Couple that with my ongoing sleep deprivation, and you have the perfect formula for catastrophization, which, by the way, is a specialty of mine.

Like so: I should just quit school, since I’m obviously hopelessly stupid.  The only reason why I’m not doing that is because I’ve already spent such a disgusting amount of money on it.  But it is too overwhelming and stressful and anxiety-provoking, and I need something sharp now… except that whoops, I don’t do that anymore.  Largely because I am mortified to be seen in a swimsuit like that… but whoops, the pool hasn’t been open for nearly two months.  (Yeah, about that?… I want a refund.)

My presentation wasn’t actually a disaster.  At least, I don’t think it was; as evidenced by the above, I’m hardly qualified to comment on such things.  One thing I found ironic is that my presentation included this line: She is alone, and lonely, with nothing and no one to keep her company.  And I wasn’t even meant to be talking about myself.

The true irony in this is that I felt slightly less crappy once I got to school and was around other people, instead of sequestered at my work desk.  It’s weird because when I am surrounded by these people, to whom I definitely feel inferior in pretty much all ways, you would think I’d feel even worse.  I guess I’m just weird.  Or desperate to be able to look at a human instead of a computer screen.

These pictures are just me playing catch-up from the last few days, because my stupid computer is refusing to read my memory card right now.  I don’t think there’s anything on there, anyway.

I randomly found this Raw Revolution Tropical Banana bar in Whole Foods the other day.

I was a bit intimidated because it smelled really “green” … but I tasted it anyway, and I’m glad I did, because it had a lovely banana flavor.  I just wish it were less greasy!  But that seems to be an issue with all Raw Revolution bars.

I also found these cinnamon roast almonds yesterday.

I knew they existed, but I hadn’t ever seen them before!  I really liked the cocoa roast almonds, so I was eager to try these — and they definitely lived up to my expectations.  While I like the cocoa roast almonds, I wouldn’t say they taste like chocolate; but these are coated in a generous layer of cinnamon, which means you never lose that flavor.

And another thing for which I had been keeping an eye out:

Eden Organic Pinto Bean & Spelt Chili.  (Actually, I would have preferred the black bean and quinoa variety, but this was all the store stocked.)

Served alongside polenta, which, in true genius fashion, I neglected to salt or season at all while cooking it, and so it was tasteless.  I mixed the chili into it, so it all worked out… but I wouldn’t say I loved the chili.  It was just okay.  I’d still like to try the black bean and quinoa variety, though!

I also did something a little different (for me) and topped vanilla ice cream with dark chocolate dipped pretzels.

This is another one of those things that seems to be better in theory than in execution… I kept thinking, What are these pretzels doing in my ice cream?  It’s just a personal preference, I guess, but I’d rather keep them separate.

Here’s a combination that worked, though.

Cinnamon raisin cracker flat with Barney butter.  I’m telling you — these cracker flats are crack.  No pun intended!!

Last night, I parked myself in front of my aquarium and snapped 62 pictures… all in an attempt to get a decent shot of my new fish.  The hi fin white tetra (of which I bought three) proved easy enough to photograph.

But the giant danio??  I got two of them, and they are so active — they wouldn’t stop moving long enough, or even slow down, for me to get a semi-decent picture!

At least I got to play with my camera.  When, clearly, I should have been doing schoolwork.  Or sleeping.  Or something.

To sleep is exactly where I intend to head right now, actually.  Nothing could possibly sound more appealing.

“It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful.”
~Anton LaVey
(It most definitely is.)

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6 responses to “Bad Day Catastrophizing

  1. ah, sleep sounds amazingly appealing to me as well! Pretty fish! And good luck with school, I have felt like just not returning some days too-I think mostly due to lack of sleep! I just remind myself its not forever! 🙂
    Maddi

  2. Good old polenta. Now that winter’s closing in I think I may have to return to my polenta-obsession…hopefully it won’t make me so sick this time.

    I think all ‘raw’ bars have an element of grease ~ never had a Larabar that wasn’t greasy either. Banana-flavoured things aren’t my favourite though…I’d prefer a chocolate or coconut one 😉

    One ‘bad’ grade doesn’t define you. You’re only human, and at least you get to re-do the project. I had a crappy grade this time last year for an assignment and in the end they make you stronger, honestly, because when you get so worked up about them the mistakes that led to losing marks tend to stick in your mind and you’re less likely to repeat them. It doesn’t make you useless!!! And good job on the presentation!

    ~Jess~
    xxxxxxxx

  3. Ugh ive been the crazy about school lately, I got a few exams back and one was a high B. I got really upset but I cant do this to myself anymore. I just cant handle the perfectionism anymore, its driving me nuts. its so frickin stressful. I never use to be this way when i was younger, its really not a happy way to live. I’m really going to try to work on it.

    Dana xo
    http://happinessiswithinblog.com/

  4. Urgh, some days it just seems to be one thing after another, right? I’m glad your presentation wasn’t a disaster, that you got to do the assignment again instead of having to stick with that grade, and that you found those almonds. Small mercies like that can make crappy days slightly less painful sometimes! I hope today isn’t as disastrous 😉
    xx

  5. Will have to try the cracker flat, I know Barney Butter is my crack!!

  6. Pingback: The PT Made Me Do It |

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