Five Funny Jokes

Funny Joke #1:

As evidenced by the fact that I am currently typing this, it is a funny joke (and an erroneous assumption) that after taking advantage of the blessed silence by sinking into a deliciously hot bath with a vanilla candle flickering nearby, I would slip into my favorite pair of pajama pants (which are rapidly preparing to meet their maker) and go straight to bed.  I have, however, figured out part of the reason why it is so hard for me to fall asleep: I am a control freak.  There have been so many times when I was 95% asleep, and involuntarily jerked myself awake.  I wish I knew how to quit doing that.

Funny Joke #2:

It is a funny joke that I was, at first, really annoyed about making this baked pumpkin and cottage cheese concoction when I was so tired, since I left out half of the ingredients I intended to include.

Pre-bake: half a cup each cottage cheese and canned pumpkin, one egg white, two packets Truvia, pumpkin pie spice… all mixed together and then sprinkled with Truvia and cinnamon.

It was actually really, really good (I refrigerated it overnight and ate it cold the next morning).  But even though I liked the density of this, I still wanted to try it with some sort of leavening agent.  So I added a pinch of baking soda and tried again.  Which is where the joke comes in.

This is actually mid-bake; I took it out of the toaster oven (I don’t have a dairy oven, so I have to bake it in the toaster) because it spilled over the top of the Pyrex, and I wanted to clean it up right away.  As you can see, it fell.  Which would have been fine, except that even after it baked for another half hour, it was gooey and eggy and … ew.  So, I tried again.  Minus the baking soda.

It looks burned because I’m an idiot and completely forgot about it… and then when I read on someone’s blog that she had baked pumpkin cookies, I remembered that I had this in the oven.  It tasted fine, though.  Moral of the story: sometimes mistakes are good things.

Funny Joke #3:

Yeah, okay, that’s not a funny joke.  At least, it wasn’t at the time, because it indicated the awakening tornado.  But my brother is back home now, and so are his sons.  My ears and head are very thankful.

Funny Joke #4:

Prior to that thankfulness, I would have done absolutely anything to get out of my house… and so last week, I went here.

The anticipatory terror was actually the worst part.  I was convinced I was going to drop dead of a heart attack, though my therapist informed me that the chances of my dropping dead of an anorexia-induced heart attack were far more likely.  Call me a skeptic, but I’ve never had heart problems!  Anyway, it’s funny in retrospect, but we weren’t laughing before we went in there…

Funny Joke #5:

Assuming that people who are “supposed” to give a crap, will.  That’s more ironic and pathetic than funny, but I’ll call it the execution of creative license.

And, finally, the funniest joke of all:  I have to give a presentation tomorrow, and I have gone over it exactly two times.  If I don’t laugh, I will cry.  And that isn’t going to happen.

And by the way?  I think it’s extremely disrespectful to Mr. Christopher Columbus that I have to go to both work and school tomorrow.  Disgraceful.

Have a lovely Monday — whether or not you get to have an extension of your weekend.

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous — everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
~Rodney Dangerfield
(Truer words have never been spoken)

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6 responses to “Five Funny Jokes

  1. that quote is quite hilarious.

    good luck tomorrow, i’ll be thinking of you@!!!

  2. good luck tomorrow! and you’ll do fine.

    yeah, compassion patient empathy…is there such thing?

  3. I would have loved that house of terror! Although I agree that the anticipation of being scared is always worse than the experience itself.

    Wishing you well with the presentation!

    ~Jess~
    xxxxxxxxxx

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