This is currently on my bedroom floor, because the room where they are usually stored is being invaded by my cousins. Apparently, I chose a good week to get out of here.
Yes, I am taking four cameras on a four-day vacation. This is a problem, because the Rebel and the underwater camera both take up a lot of space in a carry-on bag, and I really didn’t want to pack my regulator in my checked baggage, but it’s so bulky that I don’t think I’m going to have a choice. Especially since I need to take a change of clothes and at least one day’s worth of food on board with me, after what happened with my baggage last time. Honestly, I wouldn’t have to worry about the weight of my bags if not for the stupid food!! (Or, alternately, I could remove my clothes, but somehow the idea of doing without food appeals to me a lot more than the idea of walking around naked. Just saying.)
This is giving me a stomachache. (Of the anxiety variety.)
Brief interlude before I start to ramble again…
Romaine, snow peas, tempeh, baby carrots. Tempeh + garam masala = awesome combination, in case you were wondering. But there were other problems involved in the consumption of this. I’ll get to that. Or not.
A cucumber is growing in my garden!!
And, because it’s been a few days…
Guess the Mebar!
Now, back to my regularly scheduled rambling.
I don’t feel. Okay, that’s probably not what I’m trying to say. I guess I feel; but I am so out of touch with my own emotions that I’ll be damned if I can identify them. I definitely feel something about my niece (hey, “The Wordy Spinster” would make a lovely blog name!), but I haven’t the faintest clue what that is. I imagine this is the sort of thing otherwise “normal” people might discuss with their friends, but I am not “normal,” and I don’t have any friends with whom I would want to discuss this, since A) it’s a big deep dark secret until Sunday, and B) it would become all about them after five minutes. Which would just make me feel trivial.
In all the time I have spent in therapy, I have never, ever called a therapist “just because.” This morning, I did — not because I felt like the world was coming to an end, but to tell her what my dad’s cryptic statement meant. I thought I was going to leave a message, but to my shock, she answered the phone. Of course — this shouldn’t surprise me — she wanted to know how I feel about it. And I want to tear my hair out because I just don’t know. Or maybe it’s too complicated for me to wrap my little brain around it, and so I’m copping out of owning my feelings??
Proof of the impossibility of this situation is that I just spent ten minutes staring at the blinking cursor because I had no idea what to type next. I’ll just refer to the garam masala tempeh above: I like roasting things with garam masala because it smells like cinnamon. And it tastes like cinnamon, but with a little bite. Which is perfect for my taste buds. And I like baby carrots, and I like snow peas, so there is no reason for me to have had to choke it down. This means that I’m obviously not as unaffected as I think I am, right?… And there is a small part of my brain that rejoices in such circumstances, because it’s so easy to just not eat when I feel like that.
However, that will solve nothing and get me nowhere. So I just can’t get over the irony that today of all days, I actually ate more than I have since the start of that free fall. I guess I can look at this as a kick in the pants?… That probably doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I’ve babbled long enough for one day.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and be eaten by a shark!
“The shortest distance between two points is under construction.”