Monthly Archives: July 2010

I Don’t Like You.

Humor me in my social retardation, please, and tell me… how do you let someone know that you don’t like them?  Do you say it outright?  Do you just ignore them in the hope they’ll get the hint and go away?  What?!  (In case you’re wondering, I’m not asking this question because I need to tell someone that I don’t like them.  That’s not usually an issue.  I’m trying to figure out how to determine whether this is true when the situation is reversed, or if I really am just paranoid.  Or both, if that’s even possible.)

On to a somewhat colorless salad…

romaine, roasted eggplant, tofu dog, roasted cauliflower

Dude, I don’t know.  I was in search of a spaghetti squash, and I saw an eggplant and suddenly needed to have one.  For a change, I deviated from my normal seasoning blend (chili powder, garlic powder, paprika) and dug out of the back of the spice cabinet some Cajun spice seasoning.  I’m a little confused about why I even have this — I could have made my own, since I already have every spice listed in the ingredients!  But then again, I don’t even want to think about how long it’s probably been buried back there…

Back to the Lightlife cutlets:

Marinara cutlet with spaghetti squash!  It is eerie how similar in texture this cutlet is to real chicken.  I don’t know about the flavor, because I’ve yet to try the un-sauced version.  Speaking of which — this sauce is subtly spicy; I like things hot, so it didn’t bother me, but if you’re the type who cries at the thought of a jalapeno pepper, you’d probably be in agony.

Thanks for your suggestions re: what to do with ground flax seed!  I attempted to make pancakes with it this morning, but it was a rather abysmal failure… I think I used too much water in making the flax egg.  It could not be salvaged (yes, I tried), so I reverted to this instead.

Vanilla soy protein powder, egg white, Truvia, banana extract, water.  Microwaved.  I forgot the cinnamon.  I would have put some banana in there too, but that was in the flax seed pancake batter, which wound up in the trash.  I topped this with watered-down PB2, because the expiration date is rapidly approaching and I need to get rid of it somehow.  I will not deny that it is easier to pour than peanut butter, which is kind of the point for me… but it definitely cannot pass for the real thing, sorry.

Anyway, it was late by the time I left the house.  (Well, late for me, which is anything after 6.00 AM, but who’s counting?)  This would be because, despite flexing my senior citizen muscles and going to sleep before 10.00 PM yesterday, I was still exhausted today.  And when I am tired, I move more slowly, I guess.  The results of my blood test came back normal, so it isn’t that.  Why on earth am I so tired all the time?!  Seriously, if you have any ideas, no matter how outlandish they might seem, throw them this way, please.  I am just about going out of my mind.

Today was the first day in two weeks that I did not have a band aid on my knee.  Since I am so graceful, I proceeded to smash that same knee into the edge of one of my desk drawers.  Um… holy ****, that hurt!!!!!  Guess it’s really and truly healed now, because it didn’t start bleeding again.  Hooray!

New earrings!

I am now officially in need of more storage space for earrings.  Remember all this?  Every last spot is filled.  And there is some overflow.  I think I have a problem.

And a stack of books to read over the weekend.  (Plus another four that I am too lazy to link.  ;))  Give me a pile of books and some crack, and I am a happy camper.  (Or just a geek.  Take your pick.)

Have a lovely weekend… and how do you tell someone “I don’t like you”??

“We are half ruined by conformity; but we should be wholly ruined without it.” 
~Charles Dudley Warner
(Ya think?!)


Hop & Hobble

Just call us Hop and Hobble.  My brother went on a camping trip, where he injured a tendon in his foot.  Now he’s hopping, I’m hobbling, and we just all-around resemble a couple of decrepit senior citizens!

But I hobbled my way to my therapy appointment yesterday, where I put in my mom’s request for an appointment.  Without me.  Yes, this means I am being treated like a two-year-old.  But honestly, I don’t want to be there.  Call me crazy, but I’m not so into the whole putting myself into situations where I am just begging to be insulted and belittled thing.  Either way, my therapist said that if my mom wants to see her, she can just call and make her own appointment.  Ha.  In the meantime, I am teasing myself by setting out on an apartment hunt, which is just such a joke until I finish this cash-sucking thing called graduate school.

Someone went a bit overboard on the seasonings here…

Romaine, acorn squash, tofu, zucchini.  I have no idea why I keep buying acorn squash when it is my least favorite squash.  It was probably because it was little and cute and I have a hard time resisting produce like that!

Vanilla yogurt, corn muffin topper, and apricot sauce.  Which I liked so much, I repeated it the next day.

And the next, but with blueberry preserves.

I do believe this was better with the apricot; but my taste buds weren’t exactly working properly this evening.  Thank you, Novocaine. Since nobody else died, I had my dentist appointment today.  I abhor waiting for the numbness to wear off, so I said that I didn’t want any Novocaine.  I didn’t really need it — it didn’t hurt — but I kept involuntarily jerking back every time he got close to a nerve, and he said he couldn’t work like that, so he gave me half a dose.  Which, by the way, still hasn’t worn off completely.  Forty-five minutes to an hour an a half, indeed.

Numbness notwithstanding, I just could not wait to try one of the exciting new products I found in Whole Foods today!!

You have to understand my delirious excitement here… Quorn and Gardein are not kosher, and I’ve always eyed them rather mournfully, because it is just not fair that I couldn’t have something like that!  So I certainly was not about to let a silly thing like a numb face prevent me from trying this right away.

I decided I wanted to try the marinara one with spaghetti squash.  It is not at all unusual for me to have a stock of winter squash, and this is why.  My mom went to a supermarket on Sunday, and she asked me if I needed anything.  I requested a small spaghetti squash.  Small = ideally ten ounces or less, because it’s easier to cut!  Somehow, in her mind, this turned into a nearly-two pound butternut squash.  Which baffles my mind a bit since I already had two butternut squashes sitting right there on the countertop!!  You do not even want to know how many stores I went to in my neighborhood, trying to find a spaghetti squash.  Oh, but now that I’m not actively seeking that out, I am finding kabocha everywhere.  Just no spaghetti squash.  I was quite disgruntled, and I am also going to be buying at least two when I go to work tomorrow.  Argh.

Where was I?… Oh, yes, those cutlets.  Due to lack of spaghetti squash, I wound up plopping one of them atop a bed of whole wheat noodles, lightly steamed baby bellas and broccoli.

I think I liked it; but I can’t be too sure, since I was still pretty numb!!  I do know that it was spicy.

(pretend I wasn't too lazy to crop out that blurry piece of broccoli)

I’m going to reserve full judgment until I’ve tried it again with a functional mouth.  Which will be tomorrow, with spaghetti squash, because it is dangerous to have something like this open in my refrigerator.  Someone will inevitably knock it over.  That’s one thing I didn’t like about it — if it’s in sauce, it should be in two separate bags.  It’s annoying to have to fish one out.

Speaking of fish — the rec center where I go swimming apparently acquired an aquarium!  It seems to be about fifty gallons, and there are not yet any fish in it… I guess it has to cycle first.  But I just found that rather amusing.  It was lovely to get back to the pool, though.  New summer rules: from 7.30 to 9.30 is strictly lap swimming.  That means no Bobbing Ladies!  Unfortunately, many people are too dumb to comprehend the “more than three people in one lane must swim in a counterclockwise direction” concept, so it’s still kind of congested.  And even though I was under the impression that swimming is supposed to be good for aching joints, it hurt my knee to kick, so I had to swim using only my arms.  Hmm.  Thank goodness my acupuncture appointment is tomorrow!

In other news, guess what finally happened?

Yup, my gym cut the locks that they’ve been threatening to cut for months.  They also left the cutters behind in the locker room, and if it wasn’t such a big, bulky thing, I would have taken it so that the next time we’re stuck waiting for them to open (errr… tomorrow), I can just cut the padlock!

Tomorrow also would have been the day when I’d meet my friend for lunch… but she’s gone now.  😦  I officially do not know anyone working in this city now.  Actually, allow me to re-phrase that.  I do not know anyone with whom I would voluntarily choose to spend time working in this city now.  ‘cuz, after all, Mr. J works in the same place I do.  And within five minutes of his arrival this morning, he had me wanting to claw my eyes out.  That’s serious; I do not take my vision lightly!!

Clawing my eyes out would be easy right now, considering the length of my nails.  I can’t decide whether I ought to polish them or just give up and cut them.  Except that I bit my nails really badly until I was nearly in high school, and I never did quite master the art of cutting them properly.  See, I can’t even manage something as simple as that.  I must be in worse shape than originally thought.  😉  Feel free to mock me if you must.

Happy Thursday.

“Man performs and engenders so much more than he can or should have to bear.  That’s how he finds that he can bear anything.”
~William Faulkner

CSN Stores Upcoming Review + Hale & Hearty

As a kid, I loved it when the JCPenney Big Book arrived in the mail.  Not because I’d get to rifle through the pages and see all of these fabulous toys… no, I loved it because of the home decor section.  See, I had this idea that one day, I’d have an orphanage or group home or something, and it was very essential that I know how it would be decorated!

Obviously, I don’t have a group home.  Alas, much to my dismay, I don’t even have an abode of my own!  But still, I like to dream about the day when I will have one… and then I can go to town on dining room furniture … and a bunch of other goodies from CSN Stores!  If you haven’t heard of it, check it out, because it truly is awesome.  I’m excited to have been given the opportunity to do a product review.  Be sure to keep an eye out for it!

When I went to get my blood drawn this morning, there was one other person there — a man who celebrated his eightieth birthday last week.  It was a little depressing, since I kind of felt older than he looked!  But throughout the day, the universe seemed to be sending me some sort of subliminal message… I saw no fewer than two people in wheelchairs, one woman on a crutch because of a broken ankle (due to Jamaican rum which was had on her first night in Jamaica… don’t ask, I really do encounter the strangest individuals sometimes), and a man with his arm in a sling.  All of this made me feel remarkably spry and chipper!  Yes, maybe my knee and wrist aren’t healing as quickly as I’d like, but I’m notoriously impatient and always want everything to have happened yesterday.  I have my mobility, and I should be grateful for that.

A few weeks back, I bought these almonds for my dad to try.  He did not like them.  Nor did my brother.  So I took on the task of transforming them into something else… namely, honey roasted almonds.  I’ve made honey roasted almonds before, and they turned out fine.  But I was too lazy to check out the recipe, so I decided to wing it, using a mixture of honey, sugar, brown sugar, and oil.  I ran cold water over the almonds first to get rid of the garden herb seasonings, then patted them dry and tossed them in the new seasoning mixture.

Yeah, they burned.  I sat and stared at them for what seemed like forever, and nothing was happening, so I walked away from the oven for a few minutes, and this was the result.

Nothing burned here… romaine, roasted kabocha, tofu, and cauliflower.  Which, I realize, looks burned, but it actually was not.  That is set off my smoke alarm does not mean anything… everything sets off my smoke alarm!  I guess that’s better than the alternative, though.

I popped into Trader Joe’s today for baby bellas (I have to say, the new TJ’s is really helping me to get over my hatred a bit), and somehow emerged with this.  Don’t ask me how that happened.  I mean, I did have in mind that I was going to pick up ground flaxseed, but I have no idea why, and I don’t know what to do with it.  Help??

And I just realized that I’m closing in on 400 posts, which may or may not coincide with my (Hebrew) birthday.  Which, naturally, calls for a giveaway.  Because I am uninspired, you can tell me what it should include!

Happy Tuesday.

“Reading – the best state yet to keep absolute loneliness at bay.”
~William Styron

(Right — I’m off to read a book now.)

Mommy & Me

First of all, I have to thank everyone who took the time to comment on my last post.  As a sort of follow-up, I am going to attempt the impossible task of explaining my and my mom’s relationship.  Oh, this is just such a cliché… the anorectic with the overbearing mother.  But it’s true.

Look, I’m the first to admit that I can be not the easiest person with whom to get along, but I think I know when I’m being ridiculous.  For example, I like it when my cereal boxes are lined up with the nutrition panels facing out; there is no particular reason for this other than that it appeals to my sense of “symmetry.”  Because I know that it’s stupid, even though my mom knows I prefer them that way, I am not going to kick up a fuss about it when she inevitably puts a box in backwards.  It’s just not worth it to me… it’s just a cereal box, after all.

I do, however, find it funny (funny sad, not funny ha ha) that someone who doesn’t seem to hear me when I say something important, hears things that I never even said.  She seems to have conversations with me in her head, then gets mad when I don’t hold up my end of a deal of whose existence I am unaware.  If I can say one thing about myself, it is that if I promise to do something, I do it.  If I know that there is a chance that I won’t be able to come through, I will not say that I will.  I don’t know what’s going on in her head — quite frankly, I am pretty sure that I don’t want to know — but I think that it involves her construction of me as someone or something I’m not, just because that’s what she wants her daughter to be.

That means she expects me to be “normal.”  To her, this means that I need to do things exactly the way she does.  Including diet.  Now, I am admittedly not a nutrition expert, and I will never criticize someone else’s dietary choices, but seriously?  Someone whose idea of “eating healthy” involves deep-frying in olive oil instead of canola oil?  Yeah, not someone I want to emulate.  And every single time she sits down with a party-size bag of chips and just eats out of it without paying attention, I have to bite my tongue because it bothers me … but you know what?  Her life, her diet, her choice!  I don’t think she would do anything differently if I ragged on her about it.

That is what I wish she would understand.  For the record, while I think she may love me, I don’t believe she likes me very much.  And honestly, when it comes right down to it, I’d rather be liked than loved.  Anyway, I don’t think that “love” is a reason to let this whole think before you speak thing go flying out the window.   She is one of the most uncensored people I know, and not in a good way; she will say whatever she wants to say, usually to the people who are nearest at hand, and because I live with her, that person is usually me.

I refuse to accept the idea that it’s okay for someone to treat me the way she does, “in the name of love.”  I don’t give a damn how much you love someone, or how much you care; find another way to show it, and if you can’t manage to do it without insulting and belittling them, then just don’t do it at all.  Is it any wonder that I’m not really sure if I even believe in the concept of love?!  I mean, if this is what it is… who would want to have anything to do with it?!

The really depressing part about all this is that even after I move out, it won’t stop.  My sister tells me that my mom still hounds her, and she’s been married for nearly twenty years!  I can already imagine the hell that will break loose when I announce that I am not planning to stay here until I get married — if I ever do.  It will be all about, “What will people say?” when it really means, “Whom will I harass?”  Yes, in the past my mom and I have gotten along better with a few thousand miles between us; but that’s probably because she always knew that I was coming back.

And I am going to shut up about this for now.  Promise.

Frozen reviews:

Trader Joe’s lemon sorber, Double Rainbow mango tangerine sorbet.

First up, mango tangerine:

I really liked this at first… but after a couple of spoonfuls, the true sweetness set in, and it was too much for me.  My brother absolutely loved it, my mom said it was too sweet, and my dad said it was “okay, but not the best.”

Trader Joe’s lemon:

Oddly, this had the same problem; good at first, but then too sweet.  My dad made the very astute observation that sorbets are sweeter than ice creams.  Yeah… having sugar and then corn syrup as primary ingredients will do that.

A little experiment … I will not give measurements, because as you can see, I haven’t gotten it down yet!  It contained protein powder, egg whites, almond milk, baking powder, Truvia, blueberry jam, and blueberries.  I think.

Attempt #1… kind of exploded in the microwave.  Way too much liquid!  I ate it anyway (what I could salvage!), and tried again the next day, minus the fresh blueberries since I couldn’t find them in the refrigerator.  (Another issue I have with my mom… don’t get me started on that one.)

Attempt #2.  Better, but still not perfect.  And it was missing the fresh berries, which would have added a lot to it.  Work in progress, I guess.

Like my  knee.

well, hello there.

I’m getting very frustrated.  I don’t care about the bruises — those don’t actually hurt.  Unfortunately for me, I’m not seeing my acupuncturist until Thursday.  And the clinic is going to close altogether come August… what am I going to do then?!  There is no way I’d be able to find anything as affordable elsewhere.  Maybe I’ll just have to become immortal and immune to any sort of injury or malaise.  Yeah, that sounds good…

But in the meantime, you’re all invited to my birthday party in a couple of weeks.  I’m turning ninety!  This, in fact, is fast becoming my closest friend:

Problem is that it’s meant to be used three to four times a day… but the effects only last about ten minutes.  This is an issue.  Also an issue: my nails are getting frightfully long, and I am too lazy to do anything about it.

Oh, yeah, and I scored this today:

I hobbled about to get a free bike helmet from the DOT.  Never mind that I haven’t ridden a bike in, oh, five years?  Ignoring the fact that I’m not exactly in any condition to be riding a bike right now anyway, I’d probably topple right over.  But then I’d need a helmet, right??  Well, everyone does.  Especially a klutz like me.  (Random: I met my sister-in-law today while I was carrying my helmet home, and she determined that I am an excellent resource for such things… as in, hey, you can get a free bike helmet today.  She was also delighted to hear that Kashi cereals are on sale at Target this week for $2.85, but really, she didn’t need me for that… she could have just looked at the flyer!)

Some gardening help here, please; these things are growing at an insanely rapid pace, and I really need to thin them out, but I have no idea which are weeds.  And some of them must be weeds, because I didn’t plant so many things as to have all these different types of leaves!

Anyone know what’s happening up there?  Because I sure don’t!

I am particularly dreading tomorrow — more than I normally would dread a Monday — because ninety (okay, eighty-nine) is well past retirement age, and my poor joints do not currently have the lubrication required to go back to work.  But, if this is supposed to be an incentive, I get to go have my blood sucked all over again tomorrow morning, so yay!

Hope you all have a great start to your week.

“Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.  Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”
~Jacob A. Riis

I Want Out

Last week, I wrote out a massive check — my tuition for the fall semester.  It was easily the equivalent of four or five months’ rent.  And at this point, I am thinking that the money would probably be serving me better if I used it for that instead, because I am literally going to lose it if I have to stay in this house much longer.

This evening, I went to Target.  My mom wanted to come along, so she did.  As we were walking back to the car, I realized that I very rarely go anywhere in the evenings, and I was thinking that it was kind of weird, but not in a bad way.  And then we got home.  And got into a rip-roaring fight.

Clarification: my mom was screaming and ranting.  I was just a passive bystander, because I refuse to engage in combat with her, as it is a pointless activity.  So, background story.  It is not a big secret that I eat differently than the rest of the people in this house.  Nobody sees a problem with this except for these people; I mean, really, if I prefer eating whole wheat over white, is it really the end of the world?!  Why do I have to want what they want?  I don’t make them eat the things I like, and I don’t think it’s asking too much if I expect not to be force-fed things that other people want me to eat.

Obviously, we have a Shabbat dinner every Friday night.  My mom makes chicken noodle soup.  I have several qualms with this: first, she makes it using chicken wings in the skin, so it ends up all greasy.  Fine, whatever.  Then she uses thin egg noodles, and she leaves them in the soup.  This means they get soggy.  I prefer to cook the noodles in water, then add them to the soup bowl right before eating it.  This is not, apparently, a completely crazy notion: my sister does it that way, too.  But since my mom gets so bent out of shape about my eating “differently,” I asked if I could make the soup for everyone, if we could only arrive at some sort of compromise between our opinions.  Hem, haw… it’s impossible to get a straight answer out of her.

My co-worker, who was supposed to bring me the zucchini, called in sick today.  So I called my mom and asked her if she could pick up a small zucchini for me when she went to the supermarket — I explicity said I needed it for my soup.  She said, “If I remember.”  (In the end, I remembered that I had some in the freezer, so I told her to forget about it.  Which means we discussed this issue more than once.)

When we got back from Target, I started to make my soup.  And she flipped. out.  I don’t even remember all of what she yelled at me, which is probably a good thing.  She said that she had just mentioned to my dad that maybe they ought to accompany me to a session with my therapist (what, now that it’s summer you suddenly have time to deal with me?), but now she thinks I’m just wasting my money because she doesn’t see any difference, and if I think I look good, I have a long way to go.

There are so many things I could say about this.  So many.  But I’ve already yammered on long enough, and my wrists are absolutely killing me — the only reason I babbled about it for as long as I did instead of just journaling it is because typing hurts less than writing!  Anyway, I will just marvel yet again at this phenomenon: it seems that my mom always reams me out when I’m struggling the most.  And it is absolutely not. helpful.  It makes me really want to run, but my knees don’t seem to like that plan.  I’m glad I can at least walk mostly pain-free; I have no interest in giving up that ability any time soon.

Before the complaining continues (sorry, I’m in a complaining mood!), I will share something happy: my garden is finally starting to resemble something resembling a garden!  (Did that even make sense?  Probably not.  Oh, well.)

I know some of those leaves are from the kabocha, and some are from the cucumber.  But the rest?  Haven’t got a clue.  Could be weeds, could be carrots.  Don’t ask me…

I spent the better part of the morning freezing to death.  I am not kidding: my my feet were numb, and my already-aching knees were not happy.  I called the guy who controls the air conditioning to ask him to turn it down, and he said that this was wonderful news, since people had been complaining that it was too warm.  What people?!  It’s been freezing in this office for weeks!!

Then I called my endocrinologist to get the TH results from my blood test.  I had to wait two hours for him to call me back, and when he finally did, he was perplexed… “Didn’t I already give you those?”  Um, no.  You gave me the results for everything but that.  “Hmm… yes, they’re not here.  I’ll have to call the lab, I’ll give you a call back in a few minutes.”  So a few minutes pass, and then I find out that he has “bad news” … the lab neglected to analyze those levels, and the blood was discarded last night.  Great.  Now I have to wait for the new prescription to arrive in the mail, then I have to go get my blood drawn again, and then I have to wait a week for those results.  That’s if they don’t flub it up again.  I think I might cry.

Oh, and this isn’t a surprise, but the pleco died… I went to buy Algaefix, and I was informed that it’s to control “green algae bloom.”  Um… my tank doesn’t have any of that.  In which case, I don’t need it, and I never needed a pleco either.  Lovely to find that out after I’ve killed a dozen of them!

All this drama meant that I was really ready to get out of the office and have some human interaction… luckily, it was meet-the-friend-for-lunch day.  We met two hours later than usual, because her co-workers threw her a not-so-surprising surprise goodbye party.  Anyway…

whole wheat couscous, edamame, zygote carrots, apricot sauce

This apricot sauce is genius.  Just apricot preserves and some hot water, stirred vigorously.

roasted broccoflower!

Question: What is the difference between green cauliflower and broccoflower?  This was sold as the latter, but I was under the impression that broccoflower actually has “pointy” flowerets, like this. (The one I bought looked like this.)

This post has been far too text-heavy for my liking.  Congratulations if you actually managed to muddle through that; it couldn’t have been easy!  Off I go, then.

Happy Friday!

“I don’t know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down.  You might think we would lie there and rest for a while.”
~Max Eastman

Rainbow Knees

Pardon this hideous photo, but I often feel compelled to share such things…

Trust me, you’re glad the bandage is there… because if it wasn’t, you’d probably throw up a little bit.  I’m not at all queasy, but what’s under there is really disgusting.  Anyway, I have two rainbow-hued knees.  And I don’t even mind, because they work!

(Un)surprisingly, I just could not fall asleep last night, so this is going to have to be quick and to the point since all I really want to do right now is take a shower and go to bed!

I knew this day was coming…

Look at the expiration date.  I’m not a huge stickler for things like that, but for some reason, if a product contains dairy, it bothers me.  Hence, I needed to use this.  So I combined it with something else that I need to use up, since it’s getting stale already…

Poured over corn puffs. Yes, it was as strange as it looks.  As an aside: I like the Nature’s Path corn puffs. I can only seem to find Arrowhead Mills now.  This annoys me.

Oh, you know what else is annoying?  After the girl came to open the gym today (at 6.56 AM), I put my name down for Elliptical #2.  There are four, but I don’t like #1 and #4, because you can’t change the display so that the “calories burned” aren’t staring you in the face.  Anyway, then I went into the locker room, and someone else followed me and said that she wanted me to cross my name off because she “was waiting outside first.”  Well, goodness.  If it means that much to you…

romaine, steamed baby bellas, edamame, rutabaga

It’s a long, convoluted story, but I needed to put something in the “freezer” at work today.  In quotes because it really doesn’t keep anything frozen!  There was a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke in there.  A couple of hours later, it was on Mr. J’s desk, 95% empty.  I’d like to point out that Mr. J was once ragging on a co-worker for eating baby carrots, because “they’re washed in bleach.”  When said co-worker said that they were organic, Mr. J decided, “Oh, that’s okay then.”  This is all because his wife doesn’t like the consumption of chemicals.  And probably doesn’t allow Diet Coke in the house.  Wait, why am I saying this again??…

As long as I’m discussing the office, I’d like to introduce Molly.

Yes, I named my plant.  I got it in October of 2007, and it was about a quarter of the size.  I never, ever thought it would live this long!  It’s usually on my desk, but I decided she needed some perking up so I put her in the back room, near the only window in the entire office.  Which is usually behind a locked door.  Hello, I am a vampire and I work in a cave.

Not going to lie, I am really struggling with this whole “free-fall” business… but I don’t want to keep rehashing it, because that would serve no purpose whatsoever.  I have the knowledge.  I just need it to be okay.

Oh, and minus the thyroid tests, which haven’t come back yet, my bloodwork is all normal.  (Surprise!  Not.)  The doctor tells me, “Good job,” as if I worked hard on that one!  So I have normal blood.  What?  Some part of me has to be normal!

I no longer recall anything that I’ve just written, but since a shower sounds like heaven on earth right now, I am going to hit “publish” without bothering to re-read.  Apologies if you’ve just suffered through a load of nonsense!

Happy Thursday.

“I hate cameras.  They are so much more sure than I am about everything.”
~John Steinbeck


This post is going to be an exercise in randomness.  Okay?  Okay.

I don’t think I ever reviewed the wild pomegranate pecan Bora Bora bar.  (Well, obviously not — I still had it!)

I really liked the sweetness of the pomegrante and cherry!  But it left a greasy sheen behind, and I didn’t appreciate that part.

romaine, zucchini, tempeh, yellow pepper

As it turns out, my left wrist is just fine; I think I sprained my thumb.  Luckily, I had an acupuncture appointment this morning, which did help quite a bit.  It still hurts, but at least I can move it now.  Without wanting to scream in anguish, that is.

Yesterday, before the start of the fast, one of my married brothers came over to eat at my house, since my sister-in-law and the kids are away.  I was about halfway through this when he arrived:

tortilla, tomato sauce + Frank's, Lightlife "beef" crumbles, baby bellas, broccoli, nooch

“That looks really good!”  He was all excited to have one… and disappointed to find that everyone else was eating something different, because, in my words, “The people in this house do not eat the same way I do.”  (My dad took offense to that and insisted that no, “You don’t eat the same way as the people in this house!”  Whatever.)  Anyway, it actually was really good, so because I am a sweet sister (so sweet that I followed up by complying with their request for milkshakes)…

vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate

…oh yes, I was saying how sweet I was.  I made this because my brother was supposedly coming over to my house to break the fast, but he didn’t end up doing that.  My parents and other brother ate it, though.  No word yet on how awful they thought it was!

Tortilla base spread with a mixture of tomato sauce, barbecue sauce, and Frank’s, topped with onion, green pepper, corn kernels, Lightlife “beef” crumbles, and nooch.  Note the absence of mushrooms and broccoli; the crazy people here don’t like them!  However, I do.  Hence…

Savory oats!  I wanted to, but was actually literally scared to use steel cut oats, since I so adored the rolled oats the last time I made them… but I’m glad I went with the steel cut anyway, because it. was. amazing. So: steel cut oats with a beaten egg white mixed in, steamed broccoli, zygote carrots, and baby bellas, Lightlife “beef” crumbles, Frank’s, and nooch.  I was a little confused about whether to use a spoon or a fork for this!  I wound up going with the spoon, simply because it was already dirty… but what would you use??

I realize this post is absolutely not in any logical order whatsoever, but hey, that’s to be expected; I’m the one writing it!  This is where I sat until 1.02 PM today:

The lower step.  With the upper step jabbing me in the spine all the while.  It was vastly uncomfortable.  But then, I guess that’s kind of the point. (Can’t decide if it was better or worse than my perch last year…)  Anyway, I did fast.  Until midday (1.02).  This would have been a perfectly fine plan, had I compensated for the missed calories, but I didn’t make up for all of them.

The problem is not that I don’t know how to fit them in.  I mean, yes, at some point it becomes sort of ridiculous trying to do that — like if I were already consuming 3000+.  But I am not.  I am, in fact, kind of in a free-fall.  The sort in which I am eating half of what I was a couple of weeks ago, if that, and the notion of eating more on one day than the day before is pretty unbearable… but simultaneously managing to convince myself that since I haven’t lost a whole bunch of weight and I feel fine, it doesn’t matter.  And this is not okay.

Random photo of the day.

It wasn’t on this train, but a random woman told me today, “I like your earrings, they’re very nice.”  Isn’t that sweet?  This would be an appropriate place to insert a photo of said earrings.  However, I am too lazy to get up and take one, and I can’t find one to recycle.  I’m pretty confident that nobody will lose any sleep over this… except maybe me, but I don’t have any to lose.  😉

Have a happy Hump Day.

“For he who has health has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.”
~Owen Arthur