Lust List

Thank you all so, so much for the support on my last post.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still feeling anxious about it, but we’re supposedly leaving in half an hour or so, and I need to stop myself from stressing out about it, so I’m posting instead in an attempt at distracting myself…

I didn’t wind up going to that thing with my mom last night… I left the house with her, but then I decided I was too tired, so I returned home, took a shower and went to bed.  I’m glad I did, since I was long asleep by the time my mom got back after 11.30!  Not that it helped — I downed an insane amount of caffeine today.  And it was only partly because anxiety makes me drink.

In an attempt to distract myself / cheer myself up, when I went out during my lunch break today…

hello, humidity... like walking through soup

…I popped in to the dive shop where I bought my wetsuit.  Surprisingly, the guy behind the register recognized / remembered me (mental note, I want to post about my “identity as a diver” one day soon).

I was looking at regulators, because every time I use a rental, I cringe a little bit at the thought that someone else used it the day before.  I did find one that I liked a lot, and it was even on sale… for $300.  And if I buy a regulator, I need to get an octopus too, so that’s another $100.  Ouch.  I also happened to mention that I liked the integrated BCDs, and by coincidence, the shop had the same type that I rented in St. Lucia and really liked.  They had one in my size, but they’re not going to be carrying it anymore, so if I want it, I need to put down a deposit on it now.  Because it’s the last one, it’s also on sale… for $270.  The list of things I am lusting after is growing longer and longer.

So, to recap:

Aeris AT400
Cressi BC

Anyone have a spare $1800 lying around that they feel like sharing??

This is one of the weirdest combinations ever.

Romaine, bell peppers, onions, microwaved All Whites.  Don’t know what I was thinking, or why I still think this is so strange.  The famine before feast mentality still rages strong in my mind… as in, if I am going to be “splurging,” I have to compensate for it before or after the occasion.  What usually ends up happening is that I overcompensate.  And I am not going to ruminate over this right now, because it is stressing me out.

I got through to my nutritionist late last night.  I knew she didn’t have time for my craziness, so I didn’t get into that… I just wanted to ask her about the fast days coming up over the next few weeks, since I’m fat enough to fast now.  She says that I can’t.  Honestly, I’m not so upset about it, because since nightfall is so late, the fasts don’t end until after 9.00 PM.  I don’t mind fasting except for the part where it has to be broken.  And my “fear” of eating late at night is so great that I’d rather just eat all day as I normally would instead of fasting and just eating an evening meal, even if I’d wind up with a considerably lower intake for the day that way.  (Yes, I guess I see her point.  I’m still way screwed up in the head.)

Because this is such a wordy post…

The first time I saw this, I did a double-take.  It still strikes me as slightly amusing.

I’m off to get ready to go, in the vain hope that everyone else will be ready on time as well.  Provided I survive (oh, who am I kidding… of course I will, just maybe slightly worse for the wear!), recap coming tomorrow.  Until then, have a lovely Friday.

“Body and mind, like man and wife, do not always agree to die together.”
~Charles Caleb Colton


5 responses to “Lust List

  1. I’ve always loved blogging and blog reading for the distraction that it can provide, but I wish you weren’t feeling so anxious and in need of distractions 😦 I’m sure that the dinner is going to go a lot better than you thought. You’ll probably read this comment after the whole thing is over with, but just remember that going out to dinner is something that tonnes of people do for fun, and it’s not supposed to be an ordeal or torture-fest. It may be challenging, but we need to keep facing challenges in order to get ourselves a little closer to normal.

    You won’t balloon up simply because you went out to eat; it just doesn’t work that way ❤

  2. we bought all our dive stuff before skylar was born when we were both working and money was plentiful. it’s soooo expensive, i feel you girl!

  3. There’s a place in Midtown- although they may have moved- that my dad goes for his dive stuff… I’m sure the vagueries aren’t so helpful, but I’ll ask him about it!

  4. Ooh, 91. Just about right for me! If I win the lottery, you are welcome to $1800 😉 I hope you survived the dinner ❤

  5. ~Jessica Zara~

    Hope the dinner wasn’t too painful ~ I think you’re brilliant simply for agreeing to go and not backing out when so many others would.


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