Hermit

I have a tendency to snap random pictures wherever I go.  Many times, I am just too lazy to be bothered to change the camera settings to suit the situation.  But in this case, I think the blurry haze is quite an apt description of the day… it was hot and hazy, both literally and metaphorically.

It is so, so frustrating to not know what I am doing.  I’m not saying that I feel like I have to change the world, or anything (though that would be nice, I suppose!) … for heaven’s sake, I don’t even seem to be capable of changing my world.  But if I have to spend much more time counting down the hours of every single day until I can go home, I just might cry.  It isn’t that I hate my job.  I am definitely appreciative that I even have one, especially in this economy.  But I just don’t feel mentally stimulated by it anymore, and most of the time it’s like working in a tomb — it is so deathly silent and there is basically zero human interaction.  I’m not a major “people person,” but maybe that’s a reason why I should be exposed to them more often.

Brief interlude:

I’ve mentioned before the awesomeness of Israeli dairy products (and I have never again found the pudding mentioned in the last link)… so it was incredibly exciting to be able to buy this, even though it was also incredibly expensive!

Chocolate pudding…

It drives me nuts the way the nutrition facts are listed for 100g… and then for the actual serving size.  What is the point of that?!

Blurry picture, I know… but look at how thick and chocolate-y that is.  I’ve had “regular” pudding when I was IP, and I never liked it, but now I really shudder at the memory.  This stuff is incredible.

Back to the “people person” thing.  Since my job isn’t very “social,” for lack of a better word, and because I am not very social (doesn’t help that 98% of my friends are married and talk about nothing but their children), I spend the vast majority of my time in my own company.  Which is fine, for a hermit like me.  Up to a point, at which I start to go a little crazy from living too much in my head.  Bad things happen then.  (Like going to bed at 11.00 PM and not falling asleep until close to 1.00 AM, the way I did last night.  Not appreciated!)  My therapist is all gung-ho about her “obvious solution” to this: you need to meet more people who are like you (read: single and / or not obsessed with their offspring).  Um, hello.  I wouldn’t say I have social anxiety disorder, but I do have social anxiety, and the idea of plopping myself into a situation like that appeals to me about as much as a trip to hell.  Besides, isn’t the very definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results?  Every time I’ve ever trusted someone enough to let them in even a little bit, I wound up getting hurt.  Two possibilites here: A) I am too damn jaded; or B) I expect too much.  It’s probably a combination of both.

New type of garlic salt!

Old vs. new.  You know I love my Lawry’s, but let’s compare ingredients…

(What the hell is carrot oil?!)

Yeah, okay, I could have just combined garlic powder and salt myself.  Whatever, I’m lazy.  😉  It didn’t taste all that different… maybe just a bit saltier.

In action on broccoli, cauliflower and carrots; bulgur.  I really should make my way through some of the grains I have lying around (quinoa, millet, wheat berries, etc.) instead of just buying more bulgur, but, well, I like it the best!  All in good time…

There are a bunch of annoying little chores I need to do — who doesn’t love gathering, photocopying, and sending in receipts for FSA reimbursement?! — but I opted instead to swim in frigid water.  It was so cold that I completed ten lengths more than I usually do, but in the same amount of time, because otherwise I would have turned into a human popsicle.  When I left the center, it was pouring.  Normally, I hate to get wet when I’m in my clothes, but since I was wet anyway, I declined the guard’s offer of a disposable poncho and dashed out into the rain.  Fun times!

This is Blue Eyed Hermit, wishing you a happy Hump day.  (Think I should change the name of my blog to that?!)

“When light pushes away the darkness, eventually another darkness shall come.
When the darkness itself is transformed into light, it is a light that no darkness can oppose.”

~
Bringing Heaven Down to Earth

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16 responses to “Hermit

  1. I haven’t heard you say what your job was actually. You may have in previous posts and I just never saw it, but I was wondering. I am the same way with socializing, but my job is VERY social. I’m always with people and helping customers. I think it is good for me though to have those few hours out of my day where I am, as you say “out of my own head”. But then again, with the economy, it’s hard to get a job so no one wants to let go of the one they’ve got!

    ❤ Tori

  2. I have that milder sort of social anxiety too (not the full blown disorder, but enough to really suffer at times, “hell” is a good word for it when it really gets going).

    I can relate to trust issues too, I have plenty of those (and I have had my trust violated as well). There is a very interesting article on healing social anxiety by healing trust– you can Google it and it comes right up at the top of the search, just do a search for “Social Anxiety and Trust”.

  3. Carrot oil is new to me! I’ve never heard of it. I love the top picture. Is the top corner where a plane just flew through?

  4. I’m such a hermit too. Over the course of, like, all the bad things I was going through, I really alienated a lot of my friends, and on one hand I like being alone a lot but on the other hand now that I’m trying to fix myself and get better it’s hard because a lot of my old friends don’t feel like my friends anymore and I don’t feel comfortable just picking up the phone and calling any of them. Most days lately, my closest friend is my Pilates instructor (the only sort of social interaction I do regularly anymore). And I definitely know the “social anxiety” feeling – There was a point where I didn’t WANT to be around any of the people I knew, interact with any of my social circles (at school, at home, etc), and I think that was the beginning of the worst part of my life. I’m trying to change it now but I still sometimes feel nervous/anxious about entering social situations. Sigh. I’ll get there. Wanna be my friend??

    Ugh I looove that pudding. I looove Israeli dairy products. I haven’t been to Israel since I developed lactose intolerance and the massive pricetag at my local supermarket keeps me under control, but I’m worried about my next trip to Israel. The cottage cheese! Choco b’sakit!

    I also tend to take pictures of the sky/New York. My regular picture is of the Chrystler building, since I see it every time I go to yoga.

    Have a great day lovely! xox

  5. hahaha carrot oil!! omg i wonder how many carrots it takes to make enuff oil from them haha isnt that hilarious!!!

    omg ive had israeli pudding once at like 7 yrs old when a family friend made some..i think it was like tapioca or vanilla or something. id LOVE to try this chocolate kind even if its expensive, it would be a great treat! i love how u find the best stuff out there! seriously; first ice creams now puddings YUM

    xoxo

    ps. good luck with the chores eek. ❤

  6. pss. yea i know, im so happy i got to choose iv sedation. but im feeling really good right now.. the tylenol 3’s are helping for sure.. but i realized i could have done just local freezing instead cuz my dentist was so good and i probably would have felt just as fine without the iv.

    xoxo

  7. Haha! I had to deal with that 100g nutritional info all of last summer when I was in Europe. It makes absolutely no sense, and I have no idea why they do that other than to complicate people’s lives more. And on a kind of random but related note, now you have me craving pudding…

    I’m dealing with the whole hermit issue at the moment too. After spending such a long time isolating myself from everyone, I’m having a hard time getting back out there and being social… especially because I struggle with some social anxiety myself. But apparently, the only thing to do is to jump into it and put yourself out there… at least that’s what everyone says. Scary, yes, but life is about facing fears isn’t it?

  8. carrot oil? Never heard of it!
    Israeli dairy products rock my world. I miss Magnum bars!
    I’ve become a bit of a hermit living in PA. I hope that changes when we move. I don’t want to be too hermitty when the baby comes along!

  9. hey you, haven’t seen you commenting lately =D

    anyways, i feel the same way, like i’m doing the same shit all over again. feeling shitty all the time, ups and downs. yeah, meet people, is what a lot of people tell me. yeah, how easy. psh.

    that chocolate pudding looks awfully delish and creamy. i was always a tapioca fan. =D

    right now i’m hermiting as well. but i put on a brave face so no one can tell how i am on the inside.

    feel better!

  10. ~Jessica Zara~

    Ah, the life of the natural hermit. As someone who does have social anxiety disorder, I think you’re underestimating the nature of your distress and the problems you have to deal with. It is one Hell of an awful paradox that too much time alone with our thoughts leads to…well, insanity in my case, but the instant I’m with other people I just panic until I can be alone again. And I understand the paranoia and the inability to trust anyone: it probably is a combination of sensitivity and having high standards for people, but to be honest I don’t see anything wrong with that. You deserve to be treated impeccably, and are worth nothing less.

    ~Jess~
    xxxxxx

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