Sorry about the alliterative post title… sometimes I just can’t help myself! This is really going to have to be quick, because WordPress has been down for the past hour and I want to go to sleep!! Let’s see if I can manage that… shouldn’t be too difficult, since it was another somnolent day.
To help finish the can of refried beans I opened earlier this week, I made a sort of “mushroom gravy”:
I realize it looks really disgusting, but refried beans will always look that way, I guess! I heated it up on the stove with some water and let it simmer until thickened, then added garlic powder, chili powder, and mushrooms. I poured it over a vegetarian schnitzel. Hey, whatever works. And the cauliflower… I roasted it with seasoned salt and garlic powder, which is quite possibly the best combination ever.
Today I spent at least half an hour rehashing with my therapist this fear of eating late at night. It isn’t that I’m hungry because I’m used to eating earlier; my hunger cues, or lack thereof, are completely screwed up, so I have to eat by the clock because if I don’t, I’ll never eat! I actually did come to a realization today, though. When I was in high school, my “best friend” decided that it wasn’t good to eat late at night, and that she wouldn’t eat past 6.00 PM anymore. I joined her in that endeavor. At the time (pre-ED), while I preferred to eat earlier, I didn’t go into a full-blown panic attack if circumstances were such that I would have to eat at 10.00 PM. Today I realized that this is probably because, while logically it shouldn’t matter what time of day you consume your calories, in my mind it does make sense that eating late will make me gain weight — because not long after that, I had already developed an eating disorder, so to me not eating late = weight loss. It’s skewed reasoning, I know. Somehow, though, this knowledge is not enough to prevent me from hyperventilating over Friday nights in the summer. I dread them because of this, and it really, really sucks.
Dresses! I went to buy one… see, I don’t need this. But I saw it and I thought it was cute (it was shiny and sparkly! I’m sure my fellow magpies understand), so I decided to buy it for my nephew’s bar mitzvah. Which is in, like, five months. Reminder of what dress I mean:
Obviously, I can’t wear it like that. I need sleeves. So I was going to have it altered and take out that top and replace it with another one. (If this sounds crazy, whether it is or it is not, it is something I’ve done multiple times. At least you wind up with something truly unique!) So I went to try it on today… which I hate to do, by the way. The first floor dressing room was closed, so I toted them up to the third floor. They only had three sizes, and I took one of each. Since I’m going to have to alter it anyway, I figured that it doesn’t matter if it’s too big, so I wasn’t bothered when I tried on the biggest size and it was, well, too big! That was a blue one. Then I tried on the yellow in the middle size… or at least, I tried to try it on. The zipper wouldn’t go down because the security tag was in the way, and the dressing room assistant told me that they couldn’t remove it on the third floor and I needed to take it back down to the first floor. (Uh… isn’t that her job?! I’m not exactly dressed here!) I gave up and tried on the last size… which is the size I probably would buy if I was going to wear it as it is. But it was way too short. Officially, my knee is supposed to be covered. It rarely is, but this was much, much shorter than that. So I took the other yellow one — the one I hadn’t even tried on. Yes, I am expert at buying things to “decide later.” Now I have two dresses, and I tried them on again when I got home and I think I’m just going to return them both because A) it will require more alteration than I thought and B) I feel like I look fat in it. Though I suppose that isn’t the fault of the dress.
Why does it require more alteration, you ask?
Because of its length, I’m going to have to lower it — that means that the sash that is now around the waist would probably wind up around my hips (and then I’d have a bow on my butt). Which is fine — I have a high waist and it looks ridiculous most of the time if I wear things that high up. The problem is that my hips are obviously wider than my waist, and so I’m going to have to take the bigger size. Thus, the color dilemma is solved: they only had the blue one in that size. Which is too bad, because I think I really liked the yellow one. But it’s all moot if I don’t keep either of them…
Wow, how have I managed to ramble on for so long about something so dumb?! You see, when I say I am indecisive, I am really not kidding.
I’ll shut up now. Have a great Friday!
“Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.”