Drivel & Dresses

Sorry about the alliterative post title… sometimes I just can’t help myself!  This is really going to have to be quick, because WordPress has been down for the past hour and I want to go to sleep!!  Let’s see if I can manage that… shouldn’t be too difficult, since it was another somnolent day.

To help finish the can of refried beans I opened earlier this week, I made a sort of “mushroom gravy”:

I realize it looks really disgusting, but refried beans will always look that way, I guess!  I heated it up on the stove with some water and let it simmer until thickened, then added garlic powder, chili powder, and mushrooms.  I poured it over a vegetarian schnitzel.  Hey, whatever works.  And the cauliflower… I roasted it with seasoned salt and garlic powder, which is quite possibly the best combination ever.

Today I spent at least half an hour rehashing with my therapist this fear of eating late at night.  It isn’t that I’m hungry because I’m used to eating earlier; my hunger cues, or lack thereof, are completely screwed up, so I have to eat by the clock because if I don’t, I’ll never eat!  I actually did come to a realization today, though.  When I was in high school, my “best friend” decided that it wasn’t good to eat late at night, and that she wouldn’t eat past 6.00 PM anymore.  I joined her in that endeavor.  At the time (pre-ED), while I preferred to eat earlier, I didn’t go into a full-blown panic attack if circumstances were such that I would have to eat at 10.00 PM.  Today I realized that this is probably because, while logically it shouldn’t matter what time of day you consume your calories, in my mind it does make sense that eating late will make me gain weight — because not long after that, I had already developed an eating disorder, so to me not eating late = weight loss.  It’s skewed reasoning, I know.  Somehow, though, this knowledge is not enough to prevent me from hyperventilating over Friday nights in the summer.  I dread them because of this, and it really, really sucks.

Dresses!  I went to buy one… see, I don’t need this.  But I saw it and I thought it was cute (it was shiny and sparkly!  I’m sure my fellow magpies understand), so I decided to buy it for my nephew’s bar mitzvah.  Which is in, like, five months.  Reminder of what dress I mean:

Obviously, I can’t wear it like that.  I need sleeves.  So I was going to have it altered and take out that top and replace it with another one.  (If this sounds crazy, whether it is or it is not, it is something I’ve done multiple times.  At least you wind up with something truly unique!)  So I went to try it on today… which I hate to do, by the way.  The first floor dressing room was closed, so I toted them up to the third floor.  They only had three sizes, and I took one of each.  Since I’m going to have to alter it anyway, I figured that it doesn’t matter if it’s too big, so I wasn’t bothered when I tried on the biggest size and it was, well, too big!  That was a blue one.  Then I tried on the yellow in the middle size… or at least, I tried to try it on.  The zipper wouldn’t go down because the security tag was in the way, and the dressing room assistant told me that they couldn’t remove it on the third floor and I needed to take it back down to the first floor.  (Uh… isn’t that her job?!  I’m not exactly dressed here!)  I gave up and tried on the last size… which is the size I probably would buy if I was going to wear it as it is.  But it was way too short.  Officially, my  knee is supposed to be covered.  It rarely is, but this was much, much shorter than that.  So I took the other yellow one — the one I hadn’t even tried on.  Yes, I am expert at buying things to “decide later.”  Now I have two dresses, and I tried them on again when I got home and I think I’m just going to return them both because A) it will require more alteration than I thought and B) I feel like I look fat in it.  Though I suppose that isn’t the fault of the dress.

Why does it require more alteration, you ask?

Because of its length, I’m going to have to lower it — that means that the sash that is now around the waist would probably wind up around my hips (and then I’d have a bow on my butt).  Which is fine — I have a high waist and it looks ridiculous most of the time if I wear things that high up.  The problem is that my hips are obviously wider than my waist, and so I’m going to have to take the bigger size.  Thus, the color dilemma is solved: they only had the blue one in that size.  Which is too bad, because I think I really liked the yellow one.  But it’s all moot if I don’t keep either of them…

Wow, how have I managed to ramble on for so long about something so dumb?!  You see, when I say I am indecisive, I am really not kidding.

I’ll shut up now.  Have a great Friday!

“Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.”
~Soren Kierkegaard

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11 responses to “Drivel & Dresses

  1. imaginenamaste

    Your dress looks great! I admire your craftiness to remake something and add on things! It takes me a considerable effort to sew on a button (haha my dad did try to glue on a button and then couldn’t figure out why the fabric wasn’t going around it…umm b/c you glued the thing down!)

  2. I used to have that same fear about eating late at night, and although I’ve gotten over it for the most part, there’s still a certain time which the thought of eating past causes me to cringe. Associations can be a dangerous thing, especially when they’re based on faulty logic… but they’re just be so damn convincing!

    I really commend you for being able to put up with the whole dress alteration thing. I hate shopping for clothes because rarely do I ever find something that fits me the way I want it to, while meeting all my other picky criteria as well. I guess that’s why I prefer grocery shopping… less hassle 😉

  3. The dress is really cute. You are amazing for thinking out the alternations that would be needed so you could wear it to the bar mitzvah! I’m not nearly that creative to think out what could be done so I could wear it!

  4. Aw, that dress looks good on you. I admire your ability to alter things, I am hopeless at it and usually end up in literal knots! I sympathise with the fears about eating late at night. When I was really ill I could not contemplate eating past 4pm. It was half fear of weight gain (what, I would magically gain from eating dinner an hour later? It seems logical at the time!) and half fear of going to bed with any food in my stomach because of my emetophobia. I was utterly terrified when I started challenging myself on that front. I am surprised I got any sleep the first time I had a late-evening snack because I was so sure I’d be ill, but now I can eat at any time of the evening without getting anxious. I wish I had a nice easy answer as to how I overcame this but I guess it’s partly exposure and partly a determined effort during the late night dinners to keep yourself calm, because as with all exposure, if you panic it just makes the anticipatory anxiety worse next time. But this is obviously easier said than done! I feel very unhelpful now, sorry. I feel for you though ❤

  5. i liked the blue the best so im happy haha. the yellow was cute tho! either way ur going to look gorgeous. i really love how its simple and black up top yet flows out into an incredible sparkling bottom piece 🙂

    xoxo

  6. see i have the opposite problem! i eat at night, a lot like 90% of my food…because i cant seem to function and eat during the day and i get gung ho on recovery after i am home and alone..

    the dress is preciously adorable! girl, your thin tiny lil thing- did not like the comment about the dress/body, your so small and need to gainw eight and are beautiful! i want a shot of your hair one day ps!

  7. Katherine: What About Summer?

    I love the yellow on the dress! Ugly food often is the best tasting….
    have a great weekend!
    Katherine

  8. I love alliteration! =P
    And seriously don’t worry about the late night eating thing. Some days I get a huuuge portion of my calories after dinner and my weight doesn’t change! 🙂

  9. haha you are too cute :] i used to get SO freaked about eating late, but i’ve actually worked on it a great deal and now, it doesn’t phase me at all! in reality, we know eating late isn’t bad. in fact, if you want to know the truth, it probably keeps your metabolism running faster! so I don’t see a problem :] think about it! ❤

  10. Pingback: The Dress Diaries « Blue Eyed Heart

  11. Pingback: Afflictions |

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