Whinesday

“Less than stellar” is a pretty laid-back way to describe the day, which was rainy, chilly, and dreary; and I am still being dogged by this residual migraine and everything that comes with it… Day Three.  But that wasn’t the least of it.  I’m going to get all of the negativity out of the way first, in the order of an escalating stress factor, as indicated by the fading font color.

Before I do that, though, I wanted to say thank you for the comments on my last post.  I genuinely appreciated each and every one of them.

Apparently, I am not meant to own Hunter wellies.  One size is too big; the size below that is too small.  Nice thought while it lasted, though.  Oh, and my pleco died.  Again.  I am such a fish killer… but I didn’t do anything to him, I swear!!

My second grade is in.  I am not happy.  My mom wanted to know why I was carrying on so much, and when I told her, she informed me that “most people would kill for that grade.”  I, of all people, should know this, since I spend all semester saying that I just want to pass.  This is what we call a (failed) defense mechanism.  I’m not killing myself all semester for an okay grade; I’m not even killing myself for a good grade.  If I’m going to put effort into it, I expect perfection.  Anything less, I consider a failure.

The results are back from my DEXA… and they are not good.  I have osteoporosis.  Again.  For those who don’t know: I had osteoporosis a few years back, but managed to restore bone mass so that I had osteopenia when I had my last bone density scan, in 2007.  I haven’t seen the report, but my endocrinologist tells me that I am in “the third standard deviation from the norm.”  A standard deviation of -2.5 = diagnosis of osteoporosis, so while it could be much worse, I am not exactly jumping for joy over this news.  More drugs!  And he wants me to increase the amount of calcium supplements I’m taking.  Because, you know, kidney stones are just what I need.

Whenever I get news of this type, I sort of dissociate myself from it.  That’s why I don’t feel the way most people would upon hearing this.  Above all else, I feel angry; and I don’t mean angry with myself for being such a $*&%ing idiot and getting myself into this mess (although there is definite merit to that statement), but angry with my body because it’s letting me down… again.


Romaine, garlic-roasted cauliflower (surprise!), chickpeas, beets.  My dad loves it when I eat beets, because I give him the beet juice.  As I say: better him than me.  😉  I’d rather eat beets than drink beet juice, is all.

Baked tofu (paprika, chili powder, garlic powder), green beans (garlic powder), winter squash (chili powder, paprika, cayenne pepper).  It’s actually butternut squash, but it’s from a frozen box with a label reading “Cooked Winter Squash,” so there you have it.  I quite liked it, even if it does remind me of my wisdom tooth extraction!  And I guess there’s very little chance of my falling victim to a vampire, given my recent consumption of garlic.

I am, unsurprisingly, very very very very tired.  It would totally suck to feel this way on my vacation, so I’m supposed to call my endocrinologist next week if it persists.  Since sleep doesn’t seem to help anyway, instead of going to bed insanely early (to the tune of 8.00 PM), I am watching the two hour season finale of ANTM.  Sorry for the disjointed nature of this post — I’m not only exhausted, but also kind of distracted!

IMG_0002

Recycled.

Have a great Thursday.

“Fear always springs from ignorance.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
(Sorry, but I don’t agree with this one)

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15 responses to “Whinesday

  1. traynharder23

    feel better. you know i’m here for you to call! =D
    imma force you to call me. =D

    now i want to really try roasted cauliflower. too bad it’s so expensive here!

    …..beet juice? really?

  2. sucks that u have to end up taking more drugs. hopefully u can just look ahead- u wont have to take it forever…right? ur too hard on urself.. we all are. ur so amazing girl and VERY INTELLIGENT! luv ya xo

  3. omg i am so sorry to hear this about the osteo!

    please,please take care of yourself. i have all kinds of thoughts about calcium and plant based sources
    most calcium in calc supps is the “wrong kind” that your body really struggles to absorb. I have blogged about this kind which is much more absorbable.
    http://www.loveveggiesandyoga.com/2010/01/calm-yourself-with-natural-supplements.html

    and also here about plant based sources of calcium.
    http://www.loveveggiesandyoga.com/2010/03/dairy-faqs-allergies-calcium-myths.html

    Not saying that this is what you need, and i hate people like me who give very unsolicted pieces of advice, so just ignore me as needed 🙂

    also love the tofu! and the beets. god i love beets. i need to make some!

  4. Chillel Williams

    Oh hun..I’m sorry to hear about the results..To say im scared about my own bone density scan next tuesday would be a huge understatement..But i dunno..part of me hopes that ‘bad’ results will jolt me into some kind of positive *action*..

    You seem a little ‘off’…I really hope you’re ‘ok’..as much as is possible anyway..Im kinda worried..

    Thinking of you dear.. ❤

    xox

  5. I’m sorry to hear about the DEXA results 😦 If it’s any reassurance, I had kidney stones in January 2008 (due to dehydration+chronic infection, not calcium related that time) so I am more at risk of them than the average person, but I’ve been taking 1g calcium per day for the last year and haven’t had any further problems. Fingers crossed things stay that way!

    I had beetroot at lunch too! It’s great in homemade soups, makes them nice and purple 😛

  6. I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling the best lately, girl. I hope it passes for you soon. I go through these kind of funks as well, but they generally only last a little while and then better days come again; hopefully it will be the same for you -hugs-

    That really, really sucks about the test results, but I hope that maybe it will serve as a kind of wake up call for you so that you start taking better care of yourself. If your body healed itself once, it can do it again, but you have to do the right thing and give it the resources to do that. You can’t really be mad at your body for “letting you down”, when you’ve spent so much time letting it down.

  7. I am so sorry to hear about the osteoporosis! 😦
    Also, I could probably go on a long rant about grades with you. Despite the fact that I made all As and Bs this semester, tears were shed. Curse perfectionism.
    Also.. “whinesday” made me laugh 🙂

  8. Ohh Im really sorry to hear about the scan results, I know sometimes getting news like that can be hard to absorb. There still is a chance to recover from it though, you pulled your results up once before and your still young theres still time to do that again.

    I really hope you begin to feel better soon, you’ve sounded much more down in your recent posts,
    xox
    Laura

  9. Soey to hear about the osteoporosis. atleast you know you can restore your bone again because you already did it once before.. I hope things get better for you. antm is always fun 🙂
    Dana ❤
    http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/

  10. imaginenamaste

    I’m so sorry to hear about those scan results, it is always disheartening things to hear. You pulled it up once, so why not do it again? Show that below the norm results that you can be above the norm 🙂
    I understand about the grades, it is a “happy I passed/did well” kind of thing but “I could have done better” at the same time
    I hope things start to look up–been thinking about you!

  11. the food looks good! Which reminds me, I’ve got a can-O chick peas at home with my name on it.

  12. How about eating and photographing something other than a bowl of vegetables for once, and then actually starting to save your bones? Not sure how these endless plates of veg are supposed to help you.

    • traynharder23

      there is actually a lot of calcium in vegetables, such as broccoli, plus there’s vitamin c in the vegetables to help with absorbing the calcium.

  13. I am sorry to hear the osteoporosis is back 😦 I would not want to take a bunch of supplements either.

    Roasted cauliflower is the best!

  14. Sorry about the results from the DEXA. I totally understand what you mean about dissociating from bad news like that. But maybe this can be spun as a way to soothe your mind a little bit about eating, restoring weight, etc? Your entire body needs the nutrition, it won’t all go to weight gain. I know all of these things are much easier said than done. Hang in there and don’t doubt your own strength. ❤

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