Greetings, Earthlings

Happy Earth Day!  Okay, so that was really corny, I know.  But it’s something I used to say all the time.  When I was just plain old weird, instead of supremely mentally unhinged.  I haven’t actually said that in years, and I have no idea why it just popped into my head.  Moving on.

Thanks for all of the good wishes re: my blood test… I’m not too worried about it, since nothing is ever really abnormal.  Well, besides for me, that is!  It’s basically just to determine whether my dosage needs to be adjusted… but I won’t have the results until sometime next week, probably Tuesday.  What I am stressing over: the Provera issue.  It’s just not something I want to get into again, you know?  Sigh.

Breakfast #2:

Is it just me, or is that lid pasted on backwards?… I’ve been wanting to try this cereal for a while, but I was afraid to buy an entire box.  I hate getting stuck with a whole mountain of something I don’t necessarily like.  And it’s a “high-calorie cereal,” which just makes it worse.  Anyway, I vastly overpaid for this cup, but I’m glad that I did, because as it turns out, I’m not too wild about the cereal.  I didn’t hate it — I’d eat it if I had no other options — but it was too cloying and sweet for my taste.

This afternoon, I had a fight with a sandwich.

PB&J on Ezekiel bread.  I suppose I won, since I’m still here, and it is not.  Um, I’d rather not think about where it is right now!  But I would like to know just exactly how many times I am supposed to eat a stupid sandwich before they stop frightening me!!

I must be somewhat mentally deficient, because I never noticed this before:

It’s not a good picture so you can’t really tell, but it’s a fountain.  Water?  Always makes me happy!  (Though I actually do think that these public displays are completely unnecessary and a total waste of water, but whatever.  It’s pretty.)

So today I realized something that is so obvious, it’s embarrassing that I was never able to put it into words before: I don’t like asking for things… because I’m afraid / convinced that I’m not going to get it.  I can tell someone I want a million dollars, because I know that’s never going to happen, but if someone asks me what I want, realistically?  Whole ‘nother story.  I would not be able to answer that question, because I just don’t know.  And it isn’t only an issue when it comes to tangible things; it’s probably even more relevant in terms of emotional things.  I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate asking for support, because it makes me feel pesky and annoying and, well, needy.  Big surprise for someone who prefers to deny the human need for sustenance, but I am absolutely repulsed by the thought of coming across that way.  This only applies to me, of course.  Naturally.  It’s fine for other people to need one another, but me?  No, I’m special.  In the mustn’t-be-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-inflict-yourself-in-all-your-craziness-on-others way.  I’ve mentioned several times in the past that I feel weird saying that I don’t have much real-life support, because I don’t even know what it is; but that’s probably irrelevant, since even if I did know exactly what it meant and how to get it, I wouldn’t do it.  Fear of failure, I guess.  Or some variation thereof.

I’ve seen this on Caitlin’s blog several times, and I just happened to have sweet potatoes and a can of vegetarian baked beans, so I figured I’d give it a go…

It was actually quite good!  I’d prefer making my own baked beans (as opposed to opening a can), so I looked at the ingredients to see what type of beans they were… and it said prepared beans.  Ah.  Now that certainly clears it up!  Anyone have a clue about this??


Recycled  photo.  In honor of Earth Day, you know.  😉

Just because it’s been quite a long while… “the kids” say hello!

I should really get back to work here.  But I think I will probably end up wasting some time and then going to sleep instead.  Sounds so much more appealing!

The weekend is nearly here… and I? Am a little bit anxious about it.  Okay, more than a little bit.  But never mind.

Have a great Friday.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.”
~Viktor E. Frankl

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11 responses to “Greetings, Earthlings

  1. I’m not crazy about Kashi GLC either. Unfortunately, I have a whole box of it taunting me from my pantry. I keep hoping that someone will make it magically disappear before too long, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon. I suppose I’ll have to buckle down and suffer through it soon, because I hate seeing food go to waste.

    I’m the same way when it comes to asking for help or support; I’m always convinced that I should be able to do everything for myself. But there’s nothing wrong with depending on others; it can make things a lot easier on you if you just let yourself do it. And I’m sure you would get the help you needed ❤

  2. Good luck with the blood test hun! I just had some done at the end of March so I know the anxiety!

  3. i dont like asking for things either, i totally understand what you mean

    the recycled earrings pic, love it.

    good luck w. the blood test and have a great nite!

  4. oh i have fishies tooo!!!!! i need to take a pic of my kids as well.

    love that adorable little brekkie. so cute and compact hehe.

    oh god those baked beans look amazing! look at it in all its glory boiling over the sides. YUM!

    i loved ur corny intro btw.. wooooooT ❤

  5. Navy beans, I think?

  6. Thanks for the reassurance re:being myself. I really need to stop being so absorbed in ‘popularity’ because you were very right in believing that I would MUCH rather have a few close friends than a million superficial relationships. I’m just so scared of losing the people I have come to count as friends in the blog world that I second-guess myself a lot. Friends are still a novelty to me, even online, and I still worry that I don’t ‘deserve’ anyone to do anything more than hate me because, deep down, I really am a hideous person…in my view.

    I used to be the same way with regard to support…now, I rely on others too much and vent my feelings/struggles right, left and centre. When I was closed off emotionally was also the time when my ED was in the anorexia mindset, and since then I have become ’emotionally bulemic’ (as Katie so aptly called it) along with my exercise bulemia and binge eating. But please, NEVER feel like a burden, or that it’s somehow wrong to ask for help. You cope with so much, and have such a lot to bear…just taking that first initial step is always the hardest part but I really think it would help you to be more open with someone, even though you don’t have the best support network at home.

    To me, those look like haricot beans on that sweet potato…

    Hope the week-end will bring at least a little rest and relaxation.

    ~Jess~
    xoxoxo

  7. Its ok to ask for help or to want to be able to ask for something. I know I feel the same as you that I want to do things all by myself or I dont like to ask someone for something. I suppose you could say that maybe deep down thats because we feel we arent as deserving of the help as others? Anyhow Im quite a people pleaser so I feel the same, its alright for others to need help but just not me.
    Maybe a little challenge for yourself would be to try and loosen up to the idea of letting other peope lend a hand sometime?

    I had baked beans for dinner last night to! Mine were from a can, Ive never tried to make my own, Im not sure Id be able to get them to taste as good. I think basked beans are normally made with hariott beans?

    Have a great weekend,
    xox
    Laura

  8. yea i usually check something out from the library… but for some reason there wasent anything that peaked my interest in the bit. my mom is also a librarian.. so maybe the fact that she always has so many books around makes me immune or something lol.. who knows..

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