It is nearly 10.00 PM, and I got home from school around half an hour ago. First things first… I had to get out of those clothes and take a shower. I wish I could just wear pajamas 24/7! I felt so uncomfortable all day — both physically and psychologically — and it is killing me. I’d say I’d cry, but considering that I haven’t cried in… oh, I don’t even remember the last time, it was years ago… I think it’s a pretty safe bet that no waterworks are going to happen. I spend all freaking day in my head and it is driving me insane(r). I tried to explain to my dad that feeling so stuffed all the time makes me feel miserable and anxious and upset, and he told me that he hopes that one day I will be able to look back and see that it is a figment of my imagination. Uh. No, it is not. If I didn’t feel so crappy, that would probably be more worrisome, but still… I don’t like feeling crappy! It’s only been two days, and I already feel like I can’t do this anymore. Geesh… lack of stamina much?! This particular whine is now over.
However, it leads into another one: beep, beep, disordered thought process coming through! I called AT&T this morning to upgrade my texting plan. However, what should have taken thirty seconds wound up taking ten minutes — ten minutes during which I would have otherwise been working out. I realize that ten minutes are a drop in the bucket considering how I am stuffing my face, but it’s purely psychological. Not pleased. (Oh, but I have 150 texts more… so everyone can text me now. ;))
Random, but I totally fell asleep today at the acupuncture clinic. I could do that every day; it was much needed. Unfortunately, I was still tired after that!
This is what happens when you have a proliferation of cucumbers. (When my mom asked me what to put on her Pesach produce list, I said “a few” cucumbers. I meant three or four. She ordered ten. Enormous English cucumbers.)
Romaine, cucumber, tempeh, fetus carrots. The tempeh was pan-seared… er, pan-burned. Happens when you get distracted.
My presentation was okay, I guess; thanks for all the good thoughts! In other school-related news, a guy in my class pretty much finished his project for the Assignment From Hell and showed it to the professor, who said it looks good. I asked him if I could take a look at it… and it doesn’t actually all that different from the way mine does at present. So maybe I’m not quite as far behind as I had thought. That was a pleasant surprise.
This arrived for me today:
I think there will be a lot of sweet potato chips and dried apples happening soon. Remember the case of sweet potatoes? There was a case of Red Delicious apples there, too. I don’t even like Red Delicious apples, but they’re going to go bad if somebody doesn’t do something with them. Figures that “somebody” would have to be me. 😉
Amanda passed this award on to me:
Thank you! I haven’t actually felt that way in years (if I ever did), but that’s a good thing to change…
1) What physical features do you love about yourself?
Definitely my eye color. That’s the only thing about myself that never really spurred any complaints.
2) How do you personally take care of yourself?
Hmm… I’m not too good at that! Trying to get enough sleep is important. And knowing when I need to just take a break … without feeling guilty for it.
3) What are you looking forward to?
Easy — the end of the semester! And my vacation soon after that. 😀
4) Who has aided your recovery the most?
Probably my nutritionist. And all of you!
5) What was the very last thing you ate?
See photo above.
6) What is one material thing you are dying to have right now?
A Canon Rebel T1i!
7) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
That’s a tough one… I want to go everywhere! I guess I’ll say Australia, because I would love to dive in the Great Barrier Reef.
8 ) What is/was your biggest fear food, and how will/did you conquer it?
It’s a toss-up between added fats like margarine / butter / oil, and cookies / cake. Frankly, my priorities lie in another direction right now; it’s not the end of the world just yet. But I constantly re-assess that situation!
9) What are your dreams for life after ED?
I … don’t know. Not a cop-out — it’s a source of much contention in my life that I’m not really sure what I want to do.
10) What advice would you give to someone concerning eating disorders?
Stay away. Is that considered advice?! Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is worth this kind of hell.
I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t been tagged in this yet… but since you’re all beautiful, if you haven’t been tagged, I’m sorry I missed you — and go for it!
Have a happy Thursday.
“Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.”
(I actually may have used this one before. But, well — it’s true!!)