The Usual

There is some verbal vomit involved in this post.  Because it’s boring and kind of whiny and (I hate this word) might be construed by some as “triggering,” I’m just going to stick it in at the end of the post.  It’ll be the long rambling paragraph.  But first…

All of that hard work was for naught!

In years past, the post-Pesach cleanup has been known to extend into the wee hours.  This year, however, I declared that we would be done by 11.00 PM, since I needed to get up early for work today.

I was in bed a little after midnight — unheard of for this particular date.  And then the clock ticked … and ticked … and ticked.  The last time I looked at the clock, which was still some time before I fell asleep, it was nearing 1.30 AM.  And I was up for the day before 5.00.  Whee!

Of course, it probably didn’t help that yesterday evening, I polished off nearly half of this bottle on my own.  In less than twenty minutes.

Glug glug glug.  (Just so we’re clear, it wasn’t my choice!  I had to drink it.  It just would have been a better idea not to have done it quite so quickly.)

This normally would not merit a photo, but seriously?  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  It was one of the best bowls of cereal of my life.

Kashi Strawberry Fields!  😀

We all know I love my veggies.  But it was so exciting to trade up this English cucumber with kosher salt (sea salt is worlds better, in case you were curious)…

…for an honest-to-goodness salad with romaine, broccoli stir fry, and tempeh.

Actually, this was nowhere near one of the best salads I’ve ever had; but given the circumstances, it didn’t really matter!

Classes were long.  I had to give a presentation.  You haven’t heard me freaking out about this because I was too busy devoting my energy to stressing over Pesach.  And, um, I didn’t spend more than five minutes preparing for this presentation.  I didn’t even practice.  Crazy, and not something I would ever normally do.  But I guess it worked out okay… I mean, I would feel like a moronic idiot either way, so it doesn’t really matter.

Another happy reunion that took place today:

This was actually quite necessary.  I would never have been able to stay awake through my classes otherwise… the heat was on in the building.  Have I mentioned that it was ninety degrees outside?!

Oh, yes.  It was glorious.

On a side note, would someone care to explain to me why using the daylight setting on my camera, in daylight, gives me a totally wonky picture, and using the flurorescent setting does not?  Behold:

Weird.

This is just something that I found amusing… I am not quite sure how it happened, but I’ve amassed quite the squash stash!

Butternut.  Delicata.  Spaghetti squash.  Yay!!  Guess I’ll be eating a lot of squash…

And on that note, my verbal vomit.

This may or may not have been a very stupid idea, but… I weighed myself today.  I guess that subconsciously I probably understood that it was scientifically impossible for me not to have lost weight over Pesach, and I felt like I needed to “assess the damage” before I see my nutritionist next week.  Well.  I actually can’t determine what happened over Pesach, since I didn’t weigh myself before, but I don’t think it’s good.  It’s kind of weird — I am so desensitized to low weights by now that even if I can cognitively grasp the concept, it’s difficult for me to place that intellectual understanding in the same space with me in my head, if that makes any sense.  But.  If I am logical (which I usually am not, I admit!), I know what I need to do to fix this.  And I will do my damn hardest.  Fast.  I just wish it wasn’t so. freaking. terrifying.  Or that the title of this song didn’t so perfectly explain how I feel.

Have a fabulous Thursday!

“You cannot run away from weakness; you must sometime fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?”
~Robert Louis Stevenson
(get. in. my. thick. skull.)

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9 responses to “The Usual

  1. Glad Passover is done too!
    It’s kind of a crappy holiday eating wise, but I hope you continue taking care of yourself!

  2. I actually got weighed backwards at my physical a couple weeks ago. I just really didn’t need a “number” to set me off, because I’ve been doing so well on my own! So I know the feeling!

  3. Oh love..Im not going to lie and say that im not worried about you..or that i didn’t fear things might slip somewhat over Passover..
    I really REALLY hope you commit to not only getting your weight back up but also addressing why you ‘allowed’ the slide to happen when you knew it was kinda inevitable..? Does that make sense?..
    Im not judging or having a go at you..
    I just care and hope that you can see just how precious your health and happiness are enough to change things for the better..
    Much love as always!
    xox

  4. For your sanity and your health, let me just say that I’m glad Passover is over; I worry about you! But… I’m glad to see that you intend to make up for the drop in your weight; that’s a step in the right direction at least. Take care of yourself, hun. I know the holidays tend to throw a wrench into things, but they’re over, so no more excuses!

  5. half a bottle in 20mins…you need to test those skills out in cancun on spring break 🙂

  6. Pesach was tough, and with the limited range of food available I think you did very well just to stay sane. It’s gone, it’s in the past and now I really hope you can move on and put it behind you in terms of eating patterns (not in terms of the emotional impact it has, I just mean that you can’t let the routine established over the helliday become commonplace because that would be so dangerous and detrimental to your health).

    Ugh, my University always has the heating on at this time of year too…then they turn it off from May-November, when it’s bloomin’ cold in October! Fools. As if the lectures aren’t boring enough to make anyone fall asleep in themselves 😛

    ~Jess~

  7. thank goodness that passover is over!! i know its tough to see you have lost, but no worries my dear. your nutritionist will understand and you can make up for it in no time ❤

  8. You must be so relived to have it all over with for a year! And look at those vino skills…

  9. Pingback: This Is Very Long « Blue Eyed Heart

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