Monthly Archives: April 2010

ROYGBIV

Remembering the injury to my Sartorius muscle, I’m being cautious with it.  But I figured two days was enough of a rest, and that I could try another mile today, since my thighs’ screaming was downgraded to a whisper.

I’d love to report how long that mile took, but I oh-so-brilliantly managed to reset the treadmill after .86, so I have no idea.  The thing about running is that I kind of hate it a little bit while I’m doing it, but I love the way I feel after doing it.  I can’t decide what to make of this.  But hey, at least I didn’t get a side stitch today!  Eh, okay, I did.  But only a little one.

I bet I’m also not doing myself any favors by wearing such shoes while running:

It’s not that I don’t own proper running shoes.  I do.

Pristine, aren’t they?  I’ve never worn them outside.  Because I’m weird like that, and I didn’t want to get them dirty.  (Uh, hello?  They’re shoes.)  And I am very lazy about toting them around with me when I go to the gym, because they’re just… bulky and cumbersome, and I’d rather wear shoes that can do double duty.  Unlike traipsing about all day in something like this:

I can’t even remember the last time I wore these.  Like my little curly “laces”?  😉  Double- or triple-knotting doesn’t seem to matter, my laces never stay tied.  ’tis epic annoying.

Much like work today!  I mean, I’d probably work anyway, even if I didn’t have to, because I’d be bored stiff otherwise.  But I don’t like having to work.

I have homework from my therapist… I’m supposed to compile a list of reasons why I should not hate myself.  Hello, if I had anything to put on such a list, then I wouldn’t hate myself!!  Durr.

No water wastage this time around.  (Is “wastage” even a word?  It sounds like it would be.)

Okay, so this didn’t quite work out the way I envisioned, but…

A rainbow salad!  Quite literally… it should actually go by the name “ROYGBIV salad.”  Behold:

R Smart Deli Pepperoni
O fetus carrots
Y roasted yellow squash
G roasted Brussels sprouts
B blue tortilla crisps
I roasted baby eggplant
V roasted purple cauliflower

The problem was in the execution… there are no naturally occurring blue foods.  Even the blue tortilla crisps are closer to violet than anything else!  And the purple cauliflower actually was violet before I roasted it… much in the same way the eggplant skin was actually indigo.  But, no matter.  I only lined it up this way for display purposes.  When it came to consuming this monster, it actually looked more like this:

Dressed in barbecue sauce.  Because I’m cool like that.


About all that stuff in my last post… I’m still not okay with it. At all.  But I’m going to push that aside for a moment, because something happened today that is truly deserving of an explosion of rage: my insurance premium is going up.  Again — for the third year in a row.  It is increasing eight percent.  Seriously — why the hell do they even bother to pay me??  It is just a teaser.  Why not take all of the money that I earned and just give it to the government to distribute to people on welfare, who don’t work and live off of my work, which I can’t do because they’re doing it?!

Don’t get me wrong — I have nothing against people who are on welfare.  When it is warranted.  Fact is, there are far too many people in this country who take advantage of the system because they’re just damn. lazy.  And you know what?!  At this rate, it would behoove me to become just like them, because the more I work, the more money the government gets out of me!!

It is things like this that make me so angry, I wonder why the hell I even bother to get out of bed in the morning.


In other news, after the whole debacle involving the baseball game which my dad and I will not be attending together, my therapist appears to have decided that it is somehow imperative that we have daddy / daughter time anyway.  Uh… exactly what are we supposed to do??  I am a pretty boring person, I guess, because there doesn’t seem to be anything out there that would fit the bill.  Help??

Why does this picture look so odd?

Not sure whether I am going to post tomorrow or Saturday or Sunday, or any combination thereof — hooray for last-second school stress! — so have a lovely Friday, weekend, or whatever you will.

“Fear makes us feel our humanity.”
~Benjamin Disraeli
(I’m sorry, it doesn’t seem to be working that way for me)

I’ve devised a tidy little system to aid those who want to avoid whines / rants: everything that is in a text color other than black falls under that category!  😉

Even though I said that I had absolutely zero interest in eating matzah again, I ate this today.

(Actually, this is a recycled picture.  I did photograph what I ate today, but for reasons explained below, you’re not going to see that.  It was lost in translation.)  It’s Pesach Sheini.  To make a long story short, that means it’s never too late for a second chance.  I just wish that didn’t mean a second chance to eat matzah!  😉  Oh, well.  Apple butter spread improved it somewhat.

Today a scale talked to me.  It said, “Get on get on get on get on!”  I was honestly going to say yes, but then I decided that I’d be too freaked out and disgusted if I did that.  It would inhibit my denial.  So long as I don’t see the number, I can pretend I’m not getting fat, right?  Right.  Um.  Right.

Breakfast #2:

I haven’t had this cereal in years… it has negative associations for me, because I switched to it from sugary cereal like Cocoa Pebbles for “ED reasons.”  As you can imagine, going from Cocoa Pebbles to this, I found it kind of… bland!  I guess my taste buds have evolved, because I actually like it now.

Romaine, roasted broccoli stir-fry, roasted tempeh.  I know a lot of people don’t like tempeh unless it’s marinated, but all I did was sprinkle this with garlic powder.  Isn’t everything automatically awesome once it’s been roasted??

While sitting through a boring class, I was fiddling around with my camera and subsequently seem to have elected to re-format my memory card.  This means that all of the images on there were erased.  Yes, again.  I didn’t panic too much, because I was pretty sure I’d be able to get them back like I did last time.  But I didn’t want to use my camera in case I screwed up something else in the interim, so I don’t have a picture of my at-school dinner for you.  It is my last at-school dinner until the fall semester.  The photo wouldn’ t have been very exciting, anyway; it would have included this and this on this; this; and this.  Hardly earth-shattering, but it did bring me about as close to tears as I get.  For those of you who don’t know this, I believe I must have killed my tear ducts.

That might actually not be such a bad thing, though.  It was just one of those days when if I’d started to cry, I would have just done it all day.  Not that I’ve ever actually had the pleasure of such a day, considering that, well, I can’t cry.  But it wasn’t fun, to put it mildly.  I finally spoke with my endocrinologist.  I’m getting a prescription for a bone scan, and a prescription for the thyroid medication… at a lowered dosage.  I have no idea what all of the numbers are that he was throwing at me, but it’s kind of irrelevant.  I guess the sensible thing would be to trust that the doctor knows what he’s doing, but to be honest?  I am freaked out.  Just as I was getting accustomed to actually having to eat food to gain weight, instead of just looking at it… I know I’m prone to catastrophizing, but I can’t help being terrified that my newly-discovered metabolism is going to totally shut down on me.  There is absolutely no way in hell that I can psychologically handle taking Provera now.  Uh-uh.

This (I totally just mistyped that as “shit”) series of events contributed to an already-in-existence situation… I.  Feel.  Fat.  And, since “fat is not a feeling,” I am going to replace that word with one that is a feeling: I feel hysterical.  Believe me when I say that you don’t even want to know all the crazy things that have passed through my mind today!  I even started to freak myself out, and it takes a lot to do that.  And I can’t even tell anyone this, because A) most people don’t get it / don’t give a shit, and B) the very select few who do… well, I hate being a pain the ass and disturbing people.  So.


This is something that’s been bothering me for a while, but I am nowhere near eloquent enough to verbalize it, so I haven’t even tried… but it’s really driving me nuts, so I’m just going to babble senselessly anyway.

While I am aware that my recovery should be all about me, and that it’s for nobody’s benefit but my own, I’ve spent far too many years with a disordered brain.  Consequently, it is extremely difficult to escape the notion that I am fighting against myself, and that having to gain weight when I don’t think it’s all necessary is just not fair.  (Insert whiny temper tantrum voice here.)

As can be expected, I know quite a few people who have / have had eating disorders.  There are those who have been sick for so long that the “professionals” (I say this with some great measure of disdain) have deemed them “hopeless” and are content to just keep them breathing.  In other words: collusion with an eating disorder.  Never the greatest idea, but that’s just my opinion, and what do I know?

Look, I’m an expert at “being okay” with an eating disorder.  If my life had fallen apart, it would be a motivating factor for me, but thankfully I managed to get along just fine.  I do not call this recovery.  And when I see other people doing that, it makes my inner two-year-old kick and scream.


Oh, yes, my presentation.  Today was apparently not my technological luck day — I inserted my flash drive, and the computer wouldn’t read it.  It’s a good thing I’m a neurotic freak, because I had a backup of the document saved in my email drafts.  It was fine, I guess.  I felt stupid doing it, but I always feel stupid in front of a crowd.  At least that part is over!!  One more presentation next week, and then I’m done.

I encountered a total creepster on my way home today… to make a long(ish) story short(ish), there was this really strange dude on the train who was making eyes at me.  There was about a foot of space between us, and it was pretty difficult to look anywhere but at him, though I managed.  Then someone got off the train, and that person’s bag knocked into Mr. Creepster.  When the guy apologized, Mr. Creepster said something like, “Oh, that’s okay, just be careful of my wife here,” and gestured toward me.  Uh.  That kind of crosses the line from creepy to stalker-ish, so I decided that would be an opportune time to move into another car!

Recycled.

Happy Thursday!

“The theme of Pesach Sheini is that it is never too late. It is always possible to put things right.”
~Hayom Yom, 14 Iyar

The Rule of Threes

I’m apparently not made of durable stuff… one stinky mile yesterday has my thighs all sore today!  And I took a Piyo class this morning, so my abs are pretty sore now too.  (Random aside: if the “Pi” is supposed to be short for “Pilates,” don’t you think it should be pronounced “pih-yo” instead of “pah-yo”?!)  I’m hoping that for some reason, my arms will be sore tomorrow because of tonight’s swim… hence the “rule of threes” title.  😉  Lest you think I am complaining about this, I must inform you that I absolutely am not.  I love being sore.  It makes me feel like I don’t actually spend all day sitting on my butt.  Even though I do.

Breakfast #2 included a sample I received some time ago… Bear Naked Cranberry Raisin cereal.

I liked the flakes; not so much the raisins and seeds.  Guess I won’t be buying this!

New-to-me bar: Ginger Almond MacaPower.

There was a spicy flavor to this… it’s either the ginger, or that’s what maca tastes like.  I liked it; I’d buy it again, but it wouldn’t be my absolute first choice.

Meet-the-friend-for-lunch day:

Baby potato blend, Tempehtations.  I remember trying this vegetable blend before, and I don’t remember liking it much… I was right.  I’m just not a major fan of potatoes, I guess!  But as I was walking out the door to go meet my friend, I got the most awesome call on my cell phone (um, it’s only been over a month coming):

My wetsuit has finally arrived!! 😀   (Excuse my toes in the picture.)  I guess it fits… that thing is so freaking thick, it looks like there are two of me in there anyway.  :p  But I suppose it will do an adequate job of helping me not to freeze…

For your viewing pleasure:

Double chocolate chip muffin topper with Barney butter, microwaved.  Melty goodness!  (Why do I think that “melty goodness” is only supposed to apply to cheese?  I am so strange.)

Tomorrow I need to present for peer feedback my Assignment from Hell.  Did I prepare for this presentation?  Of course not.  Failing to do so is somehow better for my nerves — if I’m not working on it, I can pretend it isn’t happening!  But I’m just lucky that I can get away with that in this crazy class.  That won’t always be the case.  Ulp.

I also need to be a pain and bug my endocrinologist again.  I hate calling someone repeatedly, but I need that prescription; I can’t keep lifting pills from my sister!  (Actually, that isn’t such a bad idea in terms of my bank account… ;))  Stupid blood test results… shouldn’t take so long.  And I also want to ask him for a prescription so that I can get a bone scan; my crazy doctor won’t give me one because he has this “new machine” that he claims is so fantastic, but really isn’t… and since he wants to use his new toy, he won’t give me a prescription to get a real bone scan.  I have mentioned that he is crazy, right?

Recycled.

Have a great Wednesday.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
~Thomas Alva Edison
(This actually made me laugh)

Running (Away)

I realized that my last post might have given some of you the impression that my birthday is really soon… it isn’t for another four months!  But I wanted to get good tickets without having to give up a few limbs.

A note about my inability to run outside: I can wear pants at the gym, because I go to an all-women’s gym.  (Yes, there are male trainers, but I’m not so “careful” as I should be.  Whatever.  I don’t care.)  But outside, I’d have to wear a skirt over that.  I guess wearing this isn’t that outrageous… I wear yoga shorts under my clothes every day anyway.  (I have thigh issues.  You mind?!)  It just seems… weird.

This morning, I was in the gym where I feel most comfortable, so I figured what the hell, I’d run on a treadmill.  In public.  There were only a couple of other people there, anyway.  About a minute in, I remembered why I’ve never liked running… I always get a stitch in my side.  If I were normal, I’d have just stopped there, but since I am not normal and also wanted to see how long it would take me to go a mile, I kept at it.  I’m sure I looked like a spastic fish.  Not that I know anything at all about running stats, but it took 9:41.  I’m just curious… does your pace usually increase or decrease when running outside as opposed to on a treadmill?

Before leaving the gym, I … got on the scale.  First thought: You. Fat. Pig. (I may or may not have actually said this out loud.)  Second thought: What nerve… talking to me like that. Third thought: You really sound like a crazy person.

I attempted to put my big girl face on (and subsequently stuffed it silly) and headed to work, where I had a little run-in with an obnoxious security guard.  But to atone for fat talking myself, I posted an Operation Beautiful note in the ladies’ room.  (Which I’m pretty sure was almost immediately removed by the moronic janitor, who is a moron not for removing the note, but just because he is a moron.  We don’t get along, in case you can’t tell.  ;))

Breakfast #2:

Like the Go Lean Crunch, I wanted to try this but was afraid to buy an entire box!  I didn’t mind this one as much as the Go Lean Crunch; it wasn’t so sickening, though it was still pretty sweet.  But the milk turned blue!  Yikes.

A salad:

Romaine, roasted Brussels sprouts, tofu cutlet, roasted sweet potato.  It seems like I ate this a thousand years ago… long day, anyone?

Oh, but lest you mistakenly think that was all, I must include this:

Bee’s Knees on Ezekiel bread.  It is very strange, since I don’t really care for honey, but I like this peanut butter a lot.

Random, but check out my silverware.

Classy, ain’t it?  😉


And now, the not-so-fun stuff, real quick… because I need to be in bed an hour ago!

Monday = nutritionist.  Since it’s disgusting outside, I wasn’t worried at all; even if I hadn’t gained weight, I’m the type who retains fluid like crazy when there is the slightest hint of humidity in the air.  Puffer fish, anyone?  (Spastic puffer fish!  And speaking of fish, one of mine died.  :()

Anyway, of course I gained.  According to my nutritionist, “A measly X.”  Not so measly to me, of course, but of more concern at the moment is the fact that this apparently does not matter, because I was not 100% compliant. I don’t really see why it matters — if I’m supposed to gain weight, and I did, who cares what I did / didn’t do?!  It kind of feels like a re-affirmation of the whole “nothing is ever good enough” thing.  She says that it’s because I need to learn to face my fears and do it even though I’m afraid of it.  Yup, because this was just a walk in the park.  I’m trying not to focus on negative feelings here, but … they are so there, and I can’t run far enough fast enough to get away from them.

Is it just me, or am I always this incoherent after a nutritionist appointment?… Hey, it’s late.  I should be asleep!

Have a terrific Tuesday.  And that alliteration was purely unintentional.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
~Herm Albright
(I don’t need a positive attitude for that; I can do it all on my own!)

Gameless

If you noticed I was gone for a couple of days — it’s because I was actually busy.  If you didn’t notice, then never mind!

Last year, I explained my “tradition” of going to a baseball game on or around my birthday.  Because I do not want to go with someone who is only with me since I sponsored their ticket, the past couple of years I went with my dad.  But this year he won’t go, because some kid saw him there last year.  Said kid’s father did not want the kid to go, but the kid complained that it wasn’t fair, since “Even Rabbi X was there!”  Kid’s father complained to my dad that he didn’t know what to say to that, and so now my dad won’t go because it “doesn’t look right.”  That is really kind of pathetic… my own father doesn’t even want to spend time with me.  I guess I must be more horrible than I thought.  Because he feels bad, I guess, about leaving me in the lurch, he offered to pay for a pair of tickets for me and someone else.  But honestly?  I don’t see how that’s any different than me paying for my companion’s ticket.  I’d rather just go myself than spend time with someone who doesn’t even want to be there with me!  Am I completely crazy for feeling this way?!

Then my dad suggested I take my nephew.  I’ve actually taken one of my nephews to a game with me before, and it was fine; he’s a good kid.  But now that I have a few older nephews who are baseball fans, if I take one, I have to take them all.  It’s supposed to be my birthday tradition; I don’t want to spend it babysitting!

Like I always say… I hate birthdays.


I was inspired to give my protein pancakes another shot. Evidently, inspiration does not necessarily equal success.

20g soy protein powder, one egg white, packet Truvia, cinnamon, and 1/4 cup hemp milk.  I added some water because I thought it needed more liquid, but that was apparently overkill.  At least I discovered something I never would have known otherwise: blackberries and syrup are a good combination.

Oats + oat bran, cocoa powder, Truvia, banana (half cooked in), chunky peanut butter.

Vanilla yogurt, microwaved Apple Crispalicious Jamfrakas bar.  Yes, I am neurotic and diced the bar instead of crumbling it.

Popcorn and nooch… not a fan of this combination.  I’ll stick with salt here!

Pre-wrap: hommus, sprouts, soy nuts.  And no post-wrap photo, because, um, I didn’t feel like taking one?

Kashi Autumn Wheat, cinnamon, and hemp milk.  Which I just had to dilute with water, because the taste of it is so nasty!  I don’t usually like soggy cereal, but shredded wheat cereals like this are the exception, so I used hot water.

Asparagus stir-fry, tofu cutlet.


Okay, wow, that was a lot of food right there.  Yikes.  Anyway.

Lately, I have had this strange urge to run.  It doesn’t make any sense because I’ve never liked running, and my knees don’t like me to run either.  I can’t figure it out, but it’s driving me crazy.  Even if I did want to run, doing that in a skirt is kind of difficult.  As much as I hate treadmills, I hopped on one at the gym today — for exactly 1:34, because that thing was a million years old and wouldn’t go fast enough.  I didn’t want to go to the room with the shiny new treadmills because I tend to avoid heavily populated areas!  So I’m still wanting to run, and I don’t know why.  Except maybe that it’s symbolic of the fact that I quite literally do want to run away from everything!

I’m also getting the urge to go back to karate, but that, at least, makes sense to me.

And I will now get off the topic of urges before I wander into “dangerous” territory.

Good news: the Assignment from Hell is probably about 95% completed.  I just need to present it this week for feedback, and then e-mail the final version to the professor before the last day of classes.  It really is quite depressing to have spent so much time doing such a useless project, but I’m glad it’s nearly over!  Now to tackle the huge assignment for my other class… *gulp*

In the meantime, I’m going to just practice the whole “fake it ’til you make it” thing…

That would be me.  (Hahahahahaha…)  Can you tell I don’t even have any energy to complain??  Oh, my, I never thought that day would arrive…

Have a great start to your week.

“A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.”
~Anatole France

Greetings, Earthlings

Happy Earth Day!  Okay, so that was really corny, I know.  But it’s something I used to say all the time.  When I was just plain old weird, instead of supremely mentally unhinged.  I haven’t actually said that in years, and I have no idea why it just popped into my head.  Moving on.

Thanks for all of the good wishes re: my blood test… I’m not too worried about it, since nothing is ever really abnormal.  Well, besides for me, that is!  It’s basically just to determine whether my dosage needs to be adjusted… but I won’t have the results until sometime next week, probably Tuesday.  What I am stressing over: the Provera issue.  It’s just not something I want to get into again, you know?  Sigh.

Breakfast #2:

Is it just me, or is that lid pasted on backwards?… I’ve been wanting to try this cereal for a while, but I was afraid to buy an entire box.  I hate getting stuck with a whole mountain of something I don’t necessarily like.  And it’s a “high-calorie cereal,” which just makes it worse.  Anyway, I vastly overpaid for this cup, but I’m glad that I did, because as it turns out, I’m not too wild about the cereal.  I didn’t hate it — I’d eat it if I had no other options — but it was too cloying and sweet for my taste.

This afternoon, I had a fight with a sandwich.

PB&J on Ezekiel bread.  I suppose I won, since I’m still here, and it is not.  Um, I’d rather not think about where it is right now!  But I would like to know just exactly how many times I am supposed to eat a stupid sandwich before they stop frightening me!!

I must be somewhat mentally deficient, because I never noticed this before:

It’s not a good picture so you can’t really tell, but it’s a fountain.  Water?  Always makes me happy!  (Though I actually do think that these public displays are completely unnecessary and a total waste of water, but whatever.  It’s pretty.)

So today I realized something that is so obvious, it’s embarrassing that I was never able to put it into words before: I don’t like asking for things… because I’m afraid / convinced that I’m not going to get it.  I can tell someone I want a million dollars, because I know that’s never going to happen, but if someone asks me what I want, realistically?  Whole ‘nother story.  I would not be able to answer that question, because I just don’t know.  And it isn’t only an issue when it comes to tangible things; it’s probably even more relevant in terms of emotional things.  I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate asking for support, because it makes me feel pesky and annoying and, well, needy.  Big surprise for someone who prefers to deny the human need for sustenance, but I am absolutely repulsed by the thought of coming across that way.  This only applies to me, of course.  Naturally.  It’s fine for other people to need one another, but me?  No, I’m special.  In the mustn’t-be-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-inflict-yourself-in-all-your-craziness-on-others way.  I’ve mentioned several times in the past that I feel weird saying that I don’t have much real-life support, because I don’t even know what it is; but that’s probably irrelevant, since even if I did know exactly what it meant and how to get it, I wouldn’t do it.  Fear of failure, I guess.  Or some variation thereof.

I’ve seen this on Caitlin’s blog several times, and I just happened to have sweet potatoes and a can of vegetarian baked beans, so I figured I’d give it a go…

It was actually quite good!  I’d prefer making my own baked beans (as opposed to opening a can), so I looked at the ingredients to see what type of beans they were… and it said prepared beans.  Ah.  Now that certainly clears it up!  Anyone have a clue about this??


Recycled  photo.  In honor of Earth Day, you know.  😉

Just because it’s been quite a long while… “the kids” say hello!

I should really get back to work here.  But I think I will probably end up wasting some time and then going to sleep instead.  Sounds so much more appealing!

The weekend is nearly here… and I? Am a little bit anxious about it.  Okay, more than a little bit.  But never mind.

Have a great Friday.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.”
~Viktor E. Frankl

Generic?

Up-front admission: this is not a picture-heavy post!  Apologies in advance.

In chronological order, for simplicity’s sake.  Or, okay, for the sake of making my life easier.  😉

Woke up at 5.00 AM even though I couldn’t go to the gym.  (Actually, I could have… but it seemed kind of dumb to drag myself an hour uptown to the gym, only to reverse the trip immediately after to go to the endocrinologist…) I attempted to go back to sleep, but that wasn’t happening, so I rolled out of bed a bit before 7.00 and did some crunches and leg lifts, twenty minutes on the recumbent bike, and called it a workout.  Packed up mountains of food, went to the endocrinologist.

Can’t really say much about the appointment, because everything really depends on the blood test results.  I just had that done today, so the results are pending.  The part I was dreading — getting weighed?  Yeah, I said I didn’t want to know, but I guess he didn’t hear me, because immediately following my statement, he announced the number.  Thank you, kind sir.  So, anyway, I asked him if the medication I am taking is available as a generic, considering the recent price increase in the name brand pills!  It is, but it’s not exactly the same thing.  If I were just starting the treatment, I probably wouldn’t care, but since I’m already taking the brand name and I know that it works for me, I’m wary of switching.  I may just end up getting the brand name at a double dosage and cut the pills in half.  Do you care about generic vs. name brand drugs?

And, since I’m already on the topic of drugs… I am now in possession of a prescription for Provera.  I’m not quite sure that I want to fill it, though.  It is a concern of mine that it can cause weight gain, because I don’t want to gain weight from a pill.  He told me that there is just a very small percentage of people who experience that side effect, but I know that I am one of them — I’ve taken Provera before.  I gained weight on it.  Have I ever mentioned that I hate making decisions???

Off to the lab, where I got my blood drawn.  (I have “beautiful veins.”  Phlebotomists love me.)  He wrote fasting, underlined twice… I can hardly wait to see his reaction when he realizes the discrepancy between my blood sugar in the last test (non-fasting) and this one.  Ha.  He can be sort of an absentminded professor about such things sometimes… he’s an old guy!

Then off to work.  It was beautiful: I was only at work for three hours today, and one of those was my lunch break.  I could get used to that type of schedule!

Romaine, fetus carrots, kidney beans, whole-grain rotini, broccoli.  I have no idea why, but this was a fantastic salad.  It is so weird how sometimes things just work.  And a note on beans: these are from a can, but I am totally graduating to the dried variety.  It just gets annoying to have to eat beans when I don’t particularly want to, just because I started a can a couple of days ago!  Not to mention that it’s vastly more cost-effective to buy dried beans.

Spent a mind-numbing five hours in school.  At some point between my classes, this was consumed:

Chocolate protein cake.  Apparently, this is a lot better when eaten immediately… then again, maybe that’s because I microwaved it for far too long.  Oh well!

I stayed at school later than I should have had to, because I was trying to explain something to my professor about the Assignment from Hell… basically, we are supposed to arrange it in two “formats,” but one of them just doesn’t make any sense for my topic.  It took a while for him to grasp why that was the case, and then when he finally did, he said, “Oh, so then just do X.”  Again: thank you, kind sir.  Isn’t that what I said way at the start of this conversation?!  But now I have to go re-structure the entire thing.  Wheeee!

And then I finally came home.  And I made a sandwich to take to work tomorrow.  Remembering my Thursday lunch woes, I suppose this is pretty impressive.  But I really am getting very very annoyed with myself for allowing fears to inhibit me… from doing stupid things like this.  I guess it’s a good thing that I’m getting pissed.  I don’t know…

Apparently, I’m not feeling very coherent.  Sorry!!

There is a matching necklace, too… but I didn’t wear it today.

Seems like this week went by pretty quickly… funny how that happens!  Time drags in the moment, but in retrospect it does the exact opposite.  Either way — have a great Thursday.

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.”
~Marilyn Ferguson