The Night Before

Did I disappear?  I don’t know… I didn’t notice, so nobody else would, either.  I can’t decide whether I just want to hide from myself because I feel so disgusting, or if I’m really just too tired and busy and stressed.  Could be both.  But I feel kind of weird about posting about non-kosher for Passover food during the holiday, so …

This was on sale at Whole Foods recently, so I picked one up on a whim… since I apparently have a weird tendency to increase my consumption of hot cereals as warmer weather approaches.

There was no warm weather on Friday, though, so it worked out fine.  Unfortunately, there was also somewhat of an explosion in my wonky basement microwave.

What you see here is only about half of a serving, since the rest of it wound up splattered on the microwave interior.  I wasn’t expecting it to be so voluminous, kind of like oat bran!  It isn’t quite as filling, but that could be because half of it was missing.  I just made it using water and salt, because I wanted to gauge the taste of the actual product.  I loved it.  Tasted like, well, quinoa.  Duh.

And then I was informed that if I do not repent [this morning], I am going to perish.  Seriously… 6.00 AM is too early in the morning for subway proselytizing!  I was wondering just how long she would go on.  Twenty minutes, at least.

I found another semi-palatable way to eat cottage cheese… if I mix it with oats and a lot of cinnamon and Truvia to mask the taste, the oats’ chewiness renders the curds’ chewiness less gag-inducing to me.

The sugar-free apple pie filling didn’t hurt, either.

And some more oats… I’m getting my fill before Pesach, I guess.

With chocolate soy protein powder and chunky peanut butter.  It needed cocoa powder.  Too bad it’s all locked up.

Since I have nothing coherent to say, I will resort to a string of images.  I will say that though I hate this helliday with a passion, it would be kind of nice if produce were so prevalent in this household year-round.

bananas, mini bananas

walnuts, hazelnuts

pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon, the biggest honeydew I have ever seen


English cucumbers


horseradish (for the bitter herbs)

borrowed my sister's dehydrator

apples, sweet potatoes, kiwi, pears, bananas, zucchini, beets

citrus juicer

And a very strange photo of a feather, spoon, candle and a paper bag.

These are the accoutrements of bedikat chametz (literally, “searching for chametz [leavened bread]”) … basically a ritual performed the night before Pesach to find anything that may have been overlooked during the floor-to-ceiling scouring.  Actually, we hide ten pieces of bread beforehand, so that there is really something to find!  My brother usually follows my dad around the house, but he isn’t home, so guess who was his lucky stand-in?  I took some weird pictures to keep myself entertained.  Or awake.

Say hello to Bunny.

Since I’m on the topic of non-kosher for Passover foods anyway, I would like to state for the record that I definitely ate too many honey wheat pretzels today.  I actually didn’t measure how many, so I couldn’t say for sure, but it was probably two servings’ worth.  Which is not okay with me.  But the whole, “Well, you didn’t eat ‘enough’ today anyway, so it’s fine” mindset has just got to go.  It’s not productive.

I really wish that instead of banning bread / grains for a week, we could all just go vegetarian instead.  Would make things a lot simpler!  Oh, well, too bad life isn’t always about what I want.  I ran around like a headless chicken today looking for tofu, because I won’t be able to buy it for a month after Pesach… don’t ask.  My mom accused me of talking about nothing but food, because I mentioned I was going to a particular supermarket since I knew they stocked that particular item.  I was very offended by this, because I know that I talk about plenty of other things, and if she doesn’t think so, then she just doesn’t listen to me.  Ever.  What a surprise.

In twenty-four hours I will probably be sitting (pacing) on pins and needles, waiting for the first seder to start.  A couple of years back I actually tried to calculate how many “required” calories are in a seder.  The numbers started to freak me out, so I stopped.  But ignorance is absolutely not bliss here.  I am not going to be able to work out until Thursday, and I am going to be sitting around and being a revolting pig multiple times a day.  With my mom harrassing me, as an added bonus.  I just want this all to be over.

I guess I don’t really need to say it, but I won’t be online for the next few days… Monday evening through Wednesday evening, at least.  I wish I could say that I’m taking the time to recharge and attempt to attain some measure of sanity, but what happens will probably be the exact opposite!

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”
~Richard Moss
(Hear that, Mom?!)


13 responses to “The Night Before

  1. LOVE the mini bananans!!!! lol, i’m sure you have more readers than me! slowly adn steadlily my stats have been falling like a rock. which means one thing: no one CARES about my blog and b) i should stop it before i keep beating a dead horse. lol.

    pb. hmmm. i kinda crave some right now.

  2. hang in there and good luck!!!!!!!

  3. Oh love..
    I really hope that in your time away you try to be a little more compassionate with yourself..okay, i mean A LOT more compassionate..
    You’re more deserving of your own kindness and compassion than you realise..
    *le sigh*..
    I really hope things are at the very least ‘okay’..
    I’ll be thinking of you..and missing ya updates tons!

  4. Aww, hun, try and hang in there. It definitely sounds like a lot of added stresses on top of already disordered thoughts around food, so I can completely understand why you feel overwhelmed. It will pass, though, and then you can go back to normal. Hugs for you ❤

  5. Hang in there beautiful: hopefully it will all be over soon without too much trauma. I think you’re a trooper for being able to endure the holiday every year. With all of the food restrictions and rituals (I read up on it! I am still confused over some of the things that are off-limits though…at least you should be able to have squash / rutebega though?) it’s probably the worst festival I can think of for anyone with an eating disorder. But whatever happens you won’t be the glutton you perceive yourself to be: the way you describe food suggests to me that you just don’t have the emotional make-up for greed or comfort eating. All of your portions are a lot smaller than you believe and two servings of pretzels is NOT abnormal: ‘intuitive’ eaters often have more than the ‘recommended’ serving, which is often too small to fill anyone up anyway.

    I wish your mother understood you better…and also that people would realise just how much you’re going outside your comfort zone every year that this ‘helliday’ occurs.

    I’ll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. I wish I could do more.


  6. Aww hang in there, it sounds like this is going to be another difficult time for you. I dont totally understand whats involved so I cant offer much words of wisdom but I do hope things arent to hard for you. Remember its only for a while and then you can get back to normal.

    I tried cottage cheese in my oats but didnt work for me, still couldnt eat the stuff! If only I could find a way to like it!


  7. I noticed that you didn’t post yesterday and hoped you were ok, so I did notice ❤ and good luck with the next few days

  8. gotta admit…time and again i am SO JEALOUS of your fresh food… i wish for that one day. i hope i marry a farmer!

    try your best to stay calm and approach the festivities in a sane sense of being…maybe talk to someone who will be there about your concern?

  9. I have been wondering about you. I am sorry this time of year is so stressful. We are all thinking of you and hoping for the best!

    I have always wondered why a dehydrator looked like!

  10. I hope everything goes well for you with your holiday! Thinking about you!

  11. Hey pretty lady– chip up! Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all slip up once in a while (even though you didn’t really do anything too bad!)



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