I don’t actually remember where this originated — but I’m sure many of you are familiar with the concept of H.A.L.T. — as in hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  Being in any / all of these states tends to lower your resistance … to things like a pesky eating disorder.  Which totally butt-kicked me today.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise, given my recent lack-of-sleep situation.  I’m far too tired to counter any of this.  Despite the accumulating schoolwork with which I must eventually deal, I planned on coming home, grudgingly eating dinner, taking a shower, and going to sleep.  Except that the cleaning woman is currently wreaking havoc in the bathroom, so I have to put it all back together again once she leaves and before I take a shower.  Guess it won’t be such an early night after all.

Nor will tomorrow night… like last week, I’m getting very anxious about the late hour.  (I can’t even think about the seder, which won’t begin until at least 10.00 PM, if I’m lucky.  Ouch.)  And the same Turtle Mountain dilemma arises.  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.  A lot of times, it seems, I feel like I need to be given “permission” to eat — while I might not be happy about it then, I can “blame” it on someone else instead of my own gluttony.  (Yes, I realize this is not exactly a sane way to think.  I never claimed sanity.)

Here are some “irritations” of the day!  I loved the Nature Valley vanilla nut granola bar, so of course it is no longer available.  I tried this instead.

Quite good, actually.  And also pretty expensive.  One day, when I am not so overwhelmed by life, I want to try making my own version of something like this.

I had to use a skillet to cook my tofu today.  It worked fine with the Nasoya tofu, but I didn’t have any more of that, so I used Mori-Nu.

It’s all fine and good if you want scrambled tofu… but I didn’t.  I wanted slabs.  They started falling apart when I tried to flip them, so I just gave up and mashed it all together.  It tasted fine, I guess… I just prefer my tofu to be firmer than that.


I remember when I was looking high and low for such “mother of pearl” shell earrings… now I have several pairs, in different sizes and colors.  Figures.

Pesach dose: my family literally does not eat anything that isn’t made at home.  (Apparently I am an exception because I am “not well.”  Whatever.)  Hence, there is a lot of vegetable action going on.  My dad’s workplace actually distributed a lot of things for free, and this is some of what we wound up with.

Sweet potatoes!  They’re not the best quality, as you can see.  I’m hoping they survive until after Pesach, because the best part is the skin… and we have to peel everything.  In case someone was eating bread over the box of sweet potatoes, or something.  (Don’t laugh — we bought a case of lemons last year, and there was a piece of cake inside.)

Lots and lots of carrots… but the curly one in particular captured my attention!

I struggled through the day today, fighting the urge to just collapse on the floor in a sleepy heap.  Mr. J announced that he wanted our time sheets for March by tomorrow, since he won’t be in next week.  When I went to give mine to him, he had his head down on his desk.  He was sleeping.  Do you have any idea what would happen if I spontaneously decided to take a nap in the middle of the day?!  Actually, that’s irrelevant, because it’s not like I would be able to fall asleep anyway.

This isn’t funny.  I really, really, really need to get my ass in gear and do some work, but I can barely even focus long enough to type a coherent sentence.  Sleep deprivation and me do not get along.  I’m so exhausted I could cry, and my stupid body does not seem to be getting the message: when you get into bed, you are supposed to fall asleep!!  Seriously — how complex is that?!?!

And to end off with a nice, neat little circle… that H.A.L.T. thing?  I think one leads to another.  If I am tired, everything I feel is going to be amplified.  I’ve said it before, but I get very cranky when I am insomnic.  Even more reason to be cranky about feeling extraneous!  Sometimes I just sit in front of my computer at work and wonder why on earth I bother at all.

Have a great weekend.

“The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can, well.”
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(And what if you can’t do anything well? … I guess you’re just screwed.)


14 responses to “H.A.L.T.

  1. oh no! get some rest girl 😦 and take care of yourself!

  2. I’m feeling nauseous from lack of sleep as well. Who knew sleep is so important?
    I can’t believe you get a whole case of free sweet potatoes. Your dad’s job rocks.

  3. I had never heard of HALT before and honestly, when anyone is in a HALT state, everything can go wrong. This is usually when arguments start between scott and i, when i am short with others, etc…no one fucntions well in HALT. THis is such great info for me, and of course, sorry that you felt butt-kicked today. get some sleep girl!

  4. Oh love..
    I want to tie you down or something..ANYTHING to get you to stop, breathe and just ‘be’ for a while..
    From the sounds of things you’re on the verge of a burn out dear..
    Not cool..
    Tis better to take rest now while it’s still an an option rather than as something your body FORCES on you by eventually restricting your ability to function..
    Im sure you’ll freak out more if that happens..

    Rather envious of your carrot stash…I get through about 6 each day (it'd be more if they didn't turn my palms orange)..
    I could put a serious DENT in your stock!.. 🙂

    Adore mother of pearl..almost more than actual standardpearls..crazy eh?

    Sending you peace and love dear..

  5. Awww hun I know how you feel. Sleep dep. does exactly the same thing to me. Not a pleasant thing, especially when you’re so exhausted that you can’t fall asleep. Hugs for you. ❤

    Keep taking care of yourself as best you can though. You have my permission to eat if you need someone to blame 😉

  6. Pesach dose: my family literally does not eat anything that isn’t made at home.

    that is so cool. i wish i was able to do that and never ever have to go to the store! i would need a farm though lol.

    hope your weekends lets you sleep and relax. i know what you mean about all emotions and thoughts multiplying by like 10000 when your tired.

  7. Lack of sleep is an awful thing, it can make you feel terrible. Its used as a form of torture so that shows how bad it can make someone feel. When you are tired and hungry every little thing seems so much worse than it maybe is.
    Make sure you get some proper rest, even if you arent able to actually sleep, make sure you get some time to lie down for a while.
    Hope you feel better soon

  8. h.a.l.t – danngg i’m one of those FAR too often :\

  9. HI!

    I heard of HALT before, but never knew what it means.

    The skin is the best part, a sweet potato can’t be a sweet potato if it’s peeled. My mom is a anti-germ fanatic so she gets angry when she sees that I didn’t peeled the sweet potato, but whatever. And are you serious…a cake???? O_O

    Free stuff are the best!!

    What carrot is it? A foetus, baby, etc? xD


  10. I’m a complete zombie when I’m sleep deprived, and reading work is completely out of the question. The eyes just burn! I really hope you get some rest this weekend, my dear.

  11. I’d never come across the HALT terminology either. Reading it, it makes so much sense to me. My binges *always* occur when I’m in one of those four states. Hunger and tiredness I’d already pretty much figured out, but anger and loneliness are factors which I’d never considered. Thinking about it, those two states of being dominate my thought processes. There are times when I’m not tired or hungry (and those two states are relatively easy to remedy by comparison) but I can’t think of a minute of the day when I’m not angry, lonely or both. Perhaps if I could find solutions to those two somehow, my eating would resolve itself…thanks for highlighting this, as it’s really given me a lot to think about 🙂

    Your last two paragraphs describe my life to a tee ~ seriously, you’d think our bodies would get the message eventually and give in due to pure exhaustion. I’m so sorry you have to go through this too…and you have a job to hold down, which is at least one additional stress factor I don’t have to deal with. You must be superwoman, seriously.

    Please don’t call yourself a glutton…it makes me so sad that you view yourself that way when in no way are you even close to ‘greedy.’ You just have a skewed perspective on what constitutes a lot of food.

    Heh, one of my professors once fell asleep at the back of the room during an academic conference. Not many people noticed but I have very sensitive hearing and picked up on his snores. It seems that there’s one rule for those at the top, and another for the rest of us lowly mortals.

    Hope the week-end brings some shut-eye for you.


    P.S Dang Nakd and Trek bars are definitely not Kosher…I e-mailed the company. But I haven't given up ~ there are some other yummy UK bars that might well be Parev so I've e-mailed them too. I refuse to give up on trying to find you something that might replace your beloved vanilla granola bars 😉

  12. bah!! i’m sorry you feel so awful. i hope you get some sleep! can you take something like tylenol pm? or warm milk (with honey, maybe) before bed? i hope you catch some zzz’s soon…. 😦

    i like the cascadian farms products, too, but they ARE expensive! i’ve found that target tends to put them on sale (they were often $2) about once a month.

  13. Pingback: Only Cheating Yourself « Scarecrows In Shadows

  14. Pingback: Trudge Trudge « Blue Eyed Heart

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s