I don’t actually remember where this originated — but I’m sure many of you are familiar with the concept of H.A.L.T. — as in hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Being in any / all of these states tends to lower your resistance … to things like a pesky eating disorder. Which totally butt-kicked me today. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, given my recent lack-of-sleep situation. I’m far too tired to counter any of this. Despite the accumulating schoolwork with which I must eventually deal, I planned on coming home, grudgingly eating dinner, taking a shower, and going to sleep. Except that the cleaning woman is currently wreaking havoc in the bathroom, so I have to put it all back together again once she leaves and before I take a shower. Guess it won’t be such an early night after all.
Nor will tomorrow night… like last week, I’m getting very anxious about the late hour. (I can’t even think about the seder, which won’t begin until at least 10.00 PM, if I’m lucky. Ouch.) And the same Turtle Mountain dilemma arises. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. A lot of times, it seems, I feel like I need to be given “permission” to eat — while I might not be happy about it then, I can “blame” it on someone else instead of my own gluttony. (Yes, I realize this is not exactly a sane way to think. I never claimed sanity.)
Here are some “irritations” of the day! I loved the Nature Valley vanilla nut granola bar, so of course it is no longer available. I tried this instead.
Quite good, actually. And also pretty expensive. One day, when I am not so overwhelmed by life, I want to try making my own version of something like this.
It’s all fine and good if you want scrambled tofu… but I didn’t. I wanted slabs. They started falling apart when I tried to flip them, so I just gave up and mashed it all together. It tasted fine, I guess… I just prefer my tofu to be firmer than that.
I remember when I was looking high and low for such “mother of pearl” shell earrings… now I have several pairs, in different sizes and colors. Figures.
Pesach dose: my family literally does not eat anything that isn’t made at home. (Apparently I am an exception because I am “not well.” Whatever.) Hence, there is a lot of vegetable action going on. My dad’s workplace actually distributed a lot of things for free, and this is some of what we wound up with.
Sweet potatoes! They’re not the best quality, as you can see. I’m hoping they survive until after Pesach, because the best part is the skin… and we have to peel everything. In case someone was eating bread over the box of sweet potatoes, or something. (Don’t laugh — we bought a case of lemons last year, and there was a piece of cake inside.)
Lots and lots of carrots… but the curly one in particular captured my attention!
I struggled through the day today, fighting the urge to just collapse on the floor in a sleepy heap. Mr. J announced that he wanted our time sheets for March by tomorrow, since he won’t be in next week. When I went to give mine to him, he had his head down on his desk. He was sleeping. Do you have any idea what would happen if I spontaneously decided to take a nap in the middle of the day?! Actually, that’s irrelevant, because it’s not like I would be able to fall asleep anyway.
This isn’t funny. I really, really, really need to get my ass in gear and do some work, but I can barely even focus long enough to type a coherent sentence. Sleep deprivation and me do not get along. I’m so exhausted I could cry, and my stupid body does not seem to be getting the message: when you get into bed, you are supposed to fall asleep!! Seriously — how complex is that?!?!
And to end off with a nice, neat little circle… that H.A.L.T. thing? I think one leads to another. If I am tired, everything I feel is going to be amplified. I’ve said it before, but I get very cranky when I am insomnic. Even more reason to be cranky about feeling extraneous! Sometimes I just sit in front of my computer at work and wonder why on earth I bother at all.
Have a great weekend.
“The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can, well.”
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(And what if you can’t do anything well? … I guess you’re just screwed.)