Great Transformations

Whoever left me questions tonight on Formspring — I did answer them, but they have apparently been eaten. Sorry about that.  Edit: I guess it didn’t taste good… they reappeared.

This whole “from midnight to 5.00 AM, with several waking periods in between” thing has got to stop.  No matter how tired I am; the moment I get into bed, POOF!, I’m wide awake.  But I can’t function during the day on this amount of fragmented sleep.  I used to be able to do that, but I am an old lady now.  Definitely didn’t help that I was stuck in class until 8.30 tonight.  Major snoozefest… and still no help on this stupid project, naturally!  I sense a problem.

I am so sleep-deprived that I am starting to forget things.  (And if you know me, you know that I do not forget things.)  But as I waited for the train today, I realized that I had forgotten to take a bar with me.  I stopped off in Whole Foods and picked this up instead:

It feels “junky” to be eating chocolate like that.  And I don’t even like this one very much — I prefer the dark chocolate — but of course I can’t find that one anymore.  Whatever.

On Monday night, I bought some vegetables that I can just toss into a salad raw… that way I avoid the whole “lack-of-pareve-appliances” dilemma.  The result:

Romaine, baby peppers, pan-seared tofu, baby bellas.

I’m pretty sure this is the last salad that will be showcased before the helliday.  Speaking of which, here is what happened in my kitchen last night.

Remember this?

Watch the transformation:


As for the rest of the kitchen (AKA, the spaceship)… shield your eyes.

This is normally the dairy side.

This is normally the meat side.  The size of it indicates that I live with largely carnivorous people.

This is normally the pareve side — AKA, mine.  😉

The earrings I bought in Grand Cayman made their debut today:

And since I mentioned Grand Cayman, that gives me a nice little transition for this…

In other, really exciting news, I found a way to get to my hotel from the aiport for less than the $116 I’d pay for the shuttle!  It will now cost $26 each way.  Seriously, if I keep spending money on this vacation, maybe someone will end up paying me; the more I spend, the bigger the savings get.  😉

Also somewhat related to this: I bought a wetsuit.  (This one, if you care.) I don’t actually have it yet, because it’s a special order (I want a 5mm, and they don’t generally stock that thickness).  This means that I will not be able to return it.  Instead of asking if it would leave me room to get fatter, I asked if I would be able to lend it to someone who has my build but is X pounds heavier.  (This was actually my therapist’s idea.  I think I should be worried about her ability to craft tales.)  I tried on a few different ones, and I wound up going with a brand that has more “give” — meaning the neoprene is more flexible.  I tried on the size below and the size above what I ended up going with, because they didn’t have any full wetsuits in that size.  Based on the fact that I could get into the smaller one, and the main problem was that I am too tall for it, I really shouldn’t worry about the fact that I might get too fat for a size above that.  But this is me, and I obsess over everything, so I’m busy freaking out.  I won’t actually have the suit for another couple of weeks yet, either.

In hindsight, going to buy a wetsuit is probably not the greatest idea when you’re having a bad time with body image.  I’m already having a hard enough time focusing on anything, considering my sleep-deprived state, but this just gives me another reason to want to come home and get into pajamas.

Sometimes I just want to stop “holding it together” … I want to be able to fall apart and know that I’ll just come back together again, but that won’t happen.  I could ramble on about this for a long time, but I have to go stare at my ceiling.

Have a happy Thursday.

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.”
~John Steinbeck
(Well, that certainly explains a lot…)


10 responses to “Great Transformations

  1. I wanted to drop by and ensure you that I can understand how hard it is to stuggle through putting up a strong fight. ❤
    give yourself some rest, find some people you love, take some time off and laugh with somebody. It makes fighting a lot more worth it

  2. Functioning without sleep really is no fun. Could it be possible that your thyroid medication is interfering with your sleep patterns, as it affects metabolism etc? Although that’s a pretty facile suggestion because you certainly can’t stop taking it…ugh, I wish I could resolve the issue for you!

    Woohoo, glad things are coming together with the vacation travel and wetsuit.

    I hope you have a happy Thursday too



  3. I love the color of those earrings and good for you for finding a good deal! I should have you plan my trip in the summer now that you’re a pro 🙂

  4. Hi sweetie so glad you got a wetsuit and thanks for the Cayman info…I am so happy you found a deal!
    And all that foil and kitchen stuff…whoa that looks labor intensive! Enjoy your holiday after all that work 🙂

  5. I know this is going to sound insane (my brain is actually rebelling against the idea as i type it)…but you don’t HAVE to always hold it together love..
    I just think that most of the time we feel safer doing so..
    ‘Falling apart’ or ‘crashing’ as i like to call it isn’t really as dramatic as it sounds..In fact, it can be a breath of fresh air to ‘let go’ a little..
    I know that idea must go against every fibre of your being though..
    (as it does with me!)
    Maybe el crappy sleeping pattern is because of your refusal to allow yourself to just ‘fall apart’ ya know?..maybe you’re so wound up holding things ‘together’ that your body can no longer do the little-normal- ‘letting go’- things like sleeping soundly..
    Hmmm..that’s a whole lot of ‘maybe’s’ i know..
    Rambling never hurt anyone though..

    I really hope you get some proper snooze time soon dear..
    Even though i do find your crankiness rather endearing.. 🙂

    Love! xox

  6. Sweeeeet! You have formspring!

  7. Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth)

    you guys go all otu for passover- i am impressed!! i usually follow it but i’m not sure if i will be this year since i’ll be vacationing:-\ girl dont feel guilty about that bar!! it looks delicious and it is healthy


  8. Yay on the wetsuit! I am sorry you are struggling with keeping it together. I want to have days where I can just be hysterical and alone, then come back to the world when I feel good again.

    Too bad that bar was not good. The description on the wrapper made it sound delicious!

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