3.52 AM: I am awake, but I need a crowbar to pry open my eyes.
4.07 AM: Why am I awake? I’m going back to sleep.
5.11 AM: Okay, fine, I’m going to take a shower.
5.16 AM: It really isn’t worth it to buy inexpensive shower poufs; they unravel.
5.42 AM: Let’s try these protein pancakes again.
20g protein powder, a little bit more than 3 oz. All Whites, about 1.5 T applesauce, 1/4 t baking powder, pinch cream of tartar, cinnamon. Microwaved. Hmmm.
5.58 AM: This would have worked better on a griddle. The edges are tough.
7.06 AM: Waiting for the girl who opens the gym. Shocking.
7.24 AM: Finally!
9.22 AM: Call my sister-in-law to report the existence of Heinz reduced sugar ketchup. Twenty-five minute chat ensues, during which I break out a 20-oz. bottle of diet Snapple iced tea, which I proceed to drip onto my shirt. Caffeine clearly required.
10.36 AM: Dang. I really don’t want to eat this snack.
10.49 AM: Eat it.
11.07 AM: How can it possibly not be noon yet?
12.36 PM: Why is it still not quitting time?!
1.57 PM: Co-worker leaves. I follow.
2.05 PM: Gosh, it’s warm out. Take off sweatshirt and jacket. Feel mortified and overexposed.
2.11 PM: Standing in front of Whole Foods’ freezer. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Need to quit being such a crazy person. Compromise and go for the lowest-calorie options. Have a minor anxiety attack anyway.
2.51 PM: There is a crazy woman sitting next to me. We’re being held momentarily by the train’s dispatcher. Please be patient. I can’t be patient; my ice cream is melting!
3.34 PM: Remove marble white chocolate chip muffin from the freezer to defrost. Freak out.
3.39 PM: Time to try out the new whisk. Didn’t realize it would be this tiny.
3.40 PM: Someone knocked over my All Whites. Will have to use a real egg white. Hope I don’t get food poisoning.
3.46 PM: The KitchenAid mixer would have done a better job of this. And I wouldn’t have had to stand over it all day. Oops.
3.58 PM: Banana blackberry oats! (Blackberries are on sale in Whole Foods… I’ve missed them.)
3.59 PM: Something’s missing.
4.39 PM: Eat the damn muffin. Freak out a little bit more.
6.49 PM: Light candles.
6.51 PM: Grab PEOPLE magazine in an attempt to ward off the looming anxiety. Not working. Pace while reading said magazine. Still not working. Beginning to despair. At some point, get wrapped up in celebrity craziness. Yay.
8.29 PM: Brother returns. Odd that he made it home before father; never, ever happens. Am getting antsy.
8.33 PM: Father home.
8.38 PM: Father makes kiddush. Bring on the (overabundant) food.
8.47 PM: Father telling a story. Soup is getting cold.
9.14 PM: Am I really going to eat ice cream now?
9.15 PM: I am.
9.16 PM: That might be a mistake.
9.45 PM: Think I’ve earned the right to a diet Snapple. Too late for caffeine. Too bad.
10.35 PM: Married brother pops in for a visit. Reading on the couch doesn’t always distract me.
11.30 PM: Am tired. Still feels “too soon” to go to bed.
11.44 PM: I’m tired, dammit!
Shabbos / Saturday
8.59 AM: Refuse to get out of bed right now; nothing particular to do anyway. Go back to sleep.
9.45 AM: Okay, that didn’t work very well. Time to feed the fish.
9.51 AM: Lovely. A dead pleco. Why does this always seem to happen on Shabbos, when I can’t take it out?
10.01 AM: Inform dad of the casualty. He wants to know why that keeps happening. As if I know.
10.02 AM: Go back to bed, consider reading the book on the floor, decide lying around or going back to sleep is more appealing.
12.13 PM: There’s only so long a person can lounge around. Get dressed.
1.08 PM: Other married brother arrives with some nieces in tow. Confusing conversation about protein powder, or something that may not be protein powder. Still unsure.
1.35 PM: Brother arrives home before father, again. Strange.
1.57 PM: Open front door to revel in gorgeous weather; meet father coming up the stairs.
1.59 PM: Father makes kiddush; yep, eating again.
2.40 PM: Ice cream? Again??
3.21 PM: Locked up in the kitchen behind closed doors because it is impssible to read on the couch when people are snoring.
5.50 PM: Must have some sort of system broadcasting my thoughts; just have to entertain the idea of eating and everyone congregates in the kitchen.
6.40 PM: Needing to empty out the freezer is not a valid reason for eating ice cream twice in one day. Can do whatever I feel like doing but it still feels vaguely disgusting.
8.08 PM: Tending to the aquarium. Fun stuff. Must go to the pet store tomorrow… no bottom feeders left here.
8.49 PM: Waiting for dad to bring the car back … need to get out. Before the freezer transfer frenzy ensues. Save me.
**NOTE: This is obviously not every single thing that happened over the last forty-eight hours!**
“Lost time is never found again.”