Spring Break That Wasn’t

When I said in my last post that I would never get married, it wasn’t meant in an “alas, woe is me” kind of way; it was based on what I perceive to be facts.  (Still, I do appreciate your sweet, albeit undeserved, comments!)  This might get a little wordy, but here’s a quick overview of the way such things work in my culture…

Everything is segregated.  No co-ed schools, no co-ed camps, gender-specific seating at events and affairs like weddings.  If you are going to marry someone from your “community,” unless you sneak around a bit (as I did when I was 16), you need to be set up.  This is called shidduch dating. As you can imagine, I find this — the equivalent of a blind date — to be extremely unnatural and awkward. I suppose I should be thankful that in my circles, we don’t have a beshow — that would basically mean that Boy is engaged to marry Girl before they even meet, but they’re given the “courtesy” of laying eyes upon each other before they get married.  I am filled with such horror at the thought of that, it’s not even funny.

Anyway, before Boy and Girl go out, their parents do “research.”  That’s basically a euphemism for “an attempt to dig all of the skeletons out of the closets.”  This is one of the many strikes against me: having / having had an eating disorder is a major condemnation. Because it means that I am not “perfect.”  Another point of note here is that people don’t go out just for the sake of going out; it’s always going out for the sake of marriage.  For the moment, let’s ignore the total awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time and talking about possibly marrying them, and focus on the fact that I want to know someone for more than three months before I have to spend the rest of my life with them.  This way of thinking apparently makes me some sort of freak around here.  But I don’t know why any of this even matters, since it’s already been established as a fair certainty that I won’t get married anyway.

When I was a little kid, I thought I would get married at seventeen.  Of course, that seemed positively ancient to me at the time! I mentioned some of this in my “About” page, so it would be redundant here.  But once I got a little older — say, ten — I began to think that love didn’t really exist, at least not for people like me.  When I met my ex, I wondered if maybe I had been wrong all those years… but apparently, it turns out that I was absolutely right.

Met my friend for lunch today.  And, how’s this for opportune irony: she regaled me with the woes she is having with a guy with whom she is being set up!

This is an exercise in cleaning out my freezer!  (Or should I say, one of my freezers?!) Green bean stir fry, broccoli stir fry, and Lightlife Smart Sausage, Chorizo Style.

Like I just said, I’m supposed to be cleaning out the freezers.  Which means I should have eaten a frozen meal today.  But I was not in the mood, so I had this instead.

Spaghetti squash, sauteed eggplant, and “meatballs” made by rolling Lightlife Gimme Lean Beef into balls.  Very complex.  I micowaved the squash instead of using the oven like I usually do, and it had a different texture — it was less “stringy,” kind of like the strands were thicker.  It was rather interesting.

But I felt bad about not doing my “empty the freezer” duty, so I added this as well.

Aunt Trudy’s mushroom and leek fillo pocket sandwich.

No, that’s not cheese, even though it kind of looks like it.  I don’t eat cheese!  I’ve been dying to try this one — I have only ever tried the eggplant and roasted pepper variety.  But all I can say about this is SALTY!  It was good, but I tend to love pretty much anything with mushrooms… still, if the sodium was cut in half, it would be more than enough salt.  And I like salty!!

After last week’s pool debacle, I decided to phone ahead to find out whether it was open, and what the water temperature was.  It was 78, which is just okay… I prefer to swim in 82-84, but I’m ecstatic when this pool’s temperature hits 80.  78 is pretty cold.  But I figured that knowing in advance would prepare me for the shock… and besides, I wanted to try out my new nose plug!

The nose plug worked fine.  My goggles, not so much… I need to re-adjust them.  And having to constantly stop to fix them was annoying, because I was fine in the damn cold water if I kept moving.  Once I stopped, I would start to enter blue-lips territory.  Which is also annoying, since I want to swim for the relaxation of it, not like a maniac trying to win a race.

As for my spring break, or lack thereof… if I go away for one day, I would still need to take three days off work to allow for travel time.  I decided I would rather save those days to go on a dive trip in May / June.  But I still do want to take at least that one day off… so I was planning to go skydiving.  Problem: it would take me five hours to get there by public transportation.  Each way.  It would take an hour and a half to drive there.  Obviously, I can’t take my parents’ car, because I don’t plan to tell them about this until after the fact.  My brother would go with me, but only if I pay for him to jump too.  Which isn’t happening.  So, in short, my “spring break” will consist of … going to work just like I do every freaking day.  😦  Sad.

Random photo of earrings, which I’m 99.9% sure I’ve posted before, but whatever.

Someone has late classes tomorrow.  Which will feature yet another drone of a guest speaker.  I hope you have a happy Hump day, however.

“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.”
~Robert Louis Stevenson


17 responses to “Spring Break That Wasn’t

  1. 😦 i’m sad spring break in cali didn’t pan out. and your community sounds so intense, i have to admit it fascinates me to read about it!

  2. You are a rock star for following your OWN beliefs, despite cultural values and expectations. I grew up believing everything happens for a reason– God determines our fate and I’m certain yours will work out the way it’s meant to.

    sweet dreams ❤
    p.s. GREAT quote.

  3. I’m a total disappointment to my parents in regards to the men I like, so I have no comment there! lol 😉

  4. this sounds cliche but i think it’s true…you will find the person when you are least expecting it. and if you never find them, that’s really fine too. and once you wrap your head around that, a million mr right’s will magically appear 🙂

    super cute earrrings!

  5. And I thought I had pressure!! I just bought some new earring…turqoise feather earrings and thought of you 🙂 Hopefully something will come up for your spring break.

  6. I think it’s interesting to hear about your culture. I’d probably have the same attitude about the dating/marriage problem. I hate the thought of a blind date….

  7. Very interesting glimpse into your community… I knew they were very particular about marriage but I had no idea it was that strict. I can only imagine how awkward that must feel, so I’m sorry you have to put up with it. But you never know what will happen; don’t write off love just yet 😉

  8. Thanks for giving us some background! I know a lot (or, more than I knew a few years ago) about reform Judaism and a little about orthodox, but didn’t know the extent of the marriage planning situation.

    Sorry about your spring break plans, but hopefully you’ll have time to plan something really nice for May or June.

    Hope your day is off to a great start!

  9. Aww that sucks about your spring break plans but hey at least you can save up a bit more and have a really good trip away when you do go.

    Thats really interesting to hear about the marriage setup in your culture, I didnt know it was just quite as formal as that, so its always nice to learn something new. Dont dtrike marriage totally off the list though, you never know what might happen 🙂

    Have a great day,

  10. hey girl!
    im sorry about spring break girl 😦 maybe you can do something sooo fun this summer! and HEY i promise God has someone perfect out there for you girl!

  11. Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth)

    just caught up on your last post and that is really unfortunate about the marriage thing- you are an amazing person and i know someone will see pasat the eating disorder. the stir fry looks delicious ❤



  12. I love those earrings!

    Thanks for explaining the dating thing! Now I understand where you were coming from in your last post!

  13. Omg those earrings are my FAVOURTIE so far 😀

    Never though of using fake meat to make fake meatballs :p

  14. happy hump day!!!!!

    interesting about the dating thing. although, yeah, asian things (well in my case) you’d be digging up the dirt on your potential spouse, which would TOTALLY put me out of the running. oh wells.

    nose plug?! do you use it when you do flipturns??!

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