Nervous Wreck

There is something that I do every morning.  I am not going to say what it is, because it is dumb and disordered and I don’t want to give anyone any ideas; besides, it’s irrelevant.  The point is that this morning, I came downstairs and realized that I had forgotten to do it.  Because I don’t want to say what “it” is, just take my word for it that doing it at that point would have involved a lot of hassle.

I didn’t do it.

Something I did do: change up my breakfast.  I usually just eat cereal and granola with almond milk, because it’s fast and easy and I don’t need to think about it.  But the other day, my mom opened the door to the refrigerator, and this came flying out:

The container cracked a bit, so I needed to use it up before it went bad.  (Speaking of things going bad, I stumbled across this article yesterday, about expiration dates on products.  I’d love to hear your takes on the matter!)

Anyway, I mixed the yogurt with kamut flakes.  This flavor was way too sweet for me.  (Well, duh.  There are only about a zillion grams of sugar in it!)

Big, big news: my knee / hip / thigh feels a lot better.  I was even able to stand on one foot today without feeling like my leg would give way!  (To clarify: I don’t generally stand around on one foot, but I don’t usually sit down to put on my socks.)  I really wanted to use the elliptical today, but I did something I rarely do and made what was probably the sensible choice in opting to take it easy for another couple of days.  I hate that.  If it was any other body part, I’d probably just go for it, but I know how easy it is to permanently f*** up your knee… no thanks.

I met my friend for lunch today…

Peppers, onions, baby bellas, tofu cutlet, Bragg’s.  But the belated Valentine’s Day gift that she gave me is much more appealing:

Isn’t that adorable?!

So, my visit to Petco.  To make a long story short, I wanted to get another pleco — “backup” for the one I already had.  But the only bristlenose pleco they had was kind of on the way into the next world, so I came away with this.

Cory catfish.  Times two.

As I was transferring them into my tank (during which operation the bucket of water somehow upended, sending its contents splashing everywhere), I realized that my pleco was dead.  Lovely.  I was all set to run out to Petco and buy another one, but then I thought that since my bottom feeders are dying, I ought to check my water levels before buying anything — high ammonia levels kill those first.  The pH was a little low, and the ammonia level was practically in another stratosphere.  Obviously, “corrective measures” are being taken, but … I am not happy.  Or a scientist.

As it turns out, I didn’t really miss very much by skipping school tonight… my professor’s father died this afternoon, and he still showed up.  He said it would be an extra-short class, but I’m told it was the longest yet.  The guy is crazy… but because I “cut class,” I had time to make this.

Spaghetti squash with a “meat sauce” made from pasta sauce and TVP.

I really wanted to get next week’s reading done, since I was supposed to be in class anyway.  All of the aquarium drama kind of got in the way of that.  I’ve “read” two out of the three articles, but the bulk of the information did not enter my brain.  I’m sort of a nervous wreck — insanely anxious and I don’t really know why — and I can’t focus at all when I feel that way.  When I am anxious, I tend to drink a lot of fluids, which just makes things worse, because then I feel bloated, which is the equivalent of “feeling fat.”  And the fact that it was diet Snapple iced tea I was drinking?  That wasn’t too smart, given that it contains caffeine!  I really, really, really could have used my therapy session tomorrow. Which, coincidentally, is a fast day.

On top of that, my brother’s birthday is on Sunday, and he called to ask if we want to come over for one of the Shabbos meals.  In this family, “called to ask if [you] want to come” means that he spoke to my mom about it, who said that she needs to ask my dad what he wants to do.  And my brother (who lives here) and I are expected to tag along in accordance with whatever my dad decides.  I, obviously, don’t want to go.  My mom said that if I don’t go, “She [my sister-in-law] will think you’re really sick, not ‘fakely’ sick.”  Sigh.  Oh, Mother…

I truly do not know how I am going to survive the next few days.  It isn’t looking good.

Oh, well — have a lovely Thursday.

“No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world.”
~Aristotle
(It isn’t exactly an either / or thing … some of us have the former without the latter)

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17 responses to “Nervous Wreck

  1. YAY FOR INJURIES FEELING BETTER! boo to problems with family. totally understand. eck.

    and ye-s- every time i read your posts i am ALWAYS reminded of what is on my to try list. =D

  2. i’m sorry you’re stressin! i can’t focus on readings at all when i’m anxious either. ugh. OMG hte prof showed up although his dad died today? wow. i don’t even know if it’s good to be that committed to work…i was like huh? when i saw your pic of spaghetti squash bc it looked so meaty, but then i read the caption and it all made sense. i LOVE tvp! i like that you have lunch with your friend, and even better when presents are involved 🙂

  3. sorry bout the stress girl! im so curious to know what it is in the morning..haha..but im soo glad you feel better! your knee! so good!

  4. That thing that you do, that you didn’t do this morning – how did you feel when you realized you didn’t do it? I hope it felt good to break free from yet another disordered compulsion!!:-D Omg – the prof came to work anyway?? Jeez! I’d be a complete wreck if that happened to me! Thats some dedication right there (or something) lol
    Have a great night love!
    XOX

    Katya

  5. please wear your flashing earrings 🙂

    A friend teaches first grade and she was wearing a flickering heart necklace…haha the kids asked her what was wrong with it!

  6. I’ve been stressing like crazy too! I’m making myself sick over it, which I recommend NOT doing, but it’s hard, I know. Good luck with the fishies! Sorry about all the drama you’ve been having with them! 😦

  7. glad the injury is getting better!
    sorry that your routine was outta whack this morning, i know it can set the rest of the day up in a funk.
    and this weekend, well, I just survived a 4 day houseguest session that was less than ideal. Just breathe girl and know it will be over soon 🙂

  8. I’m so glad you didn’t do what you usually do!
    We’re all proud of you!
    happy early bday to your brother!

    xox Vera

  9. Wow, that is a very odd professor you have! I’m sorry about your fish 😦 I was just thinking a couple of days ago that your fish had been behaving themselves for a while, I’m sorry if I jinxed you! Well done for resisting the lure of the elliptical 🙂 knees are indeed precious things.

  10. ahhh feel better lovie :] so sorry about the fishie. once, i acidentally poured sprite into my fishbowl thinking it was water and i murdered him :[ it was so sad.
    glad your injuries are feeling better! and your eats look yummy :] my aunt makes spaghetti squash but i’ve never tried it. i’m sure its amaze!
    love,
    becca

  11. I think it’s great that you broke your morning routine! It’s good to get out of those disordered habits… especially when you see that nothing bad will result if you don’t do it. It’s a nice liberating feeling 🙂 Glad to hear your knee is feeling better too.

    Ahhh expiration dates… I never really pay too much attention to them. I’ve boughten things that were 2 weeks or so from expiring and were already going bad. And other things can go a week or so past their date without spoiling. I use my nose to tell me what’s up most of the time. If it smells good and looks good, that’s good enough for me.

    Try and relax, love. Anxiety doesn’t do anyone any good ❤

  12. Good for you for not doing whatever “it” is! It’s a great sign that you forgot, no?

    A warm bath, candles and a book that has nothing to do with anything relevant in your life might be just what you need to de-stress a little.

  13. Good for you for not doing that thing. Do you think you will continue to skip it?

    What the heck? I would not teach class if my dad passed away! Crazy!

    Happy to hear you are feeling better 🙂

  14. Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth)

    please hang in there- you WILL survive the next few days and you are so lucky to be alive- don’t ever forget that.

    cute gift from your friend!! and glad you didn’t do “it” – whatever it may be 🙂

    xoxox
    shelley
    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

  15. thats great your body is feeling better!! hang on to that good feeling. and way to go about the rituals…now make it a habit. dont forget just once…forget EVERY DAY!

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