Disappointing Read

Part of the reason why it is so novel to me that I can talk about pretty much anything on my blog, but especially about anything related to my eating disorder, is because it is a pretty taboo topic in my community.  Which explains why I was so delighted to discover this book a few years back.  It was actually pretty disappointing in terms of content, but I was still glad that at least someone was speaking about the issue instead of just sweeping it under the rug.  Though I have to say, I had the opportunity to meet the author, and has anyone ever noticed how very different these people are in real life when compared with what they’ve written??  I mean, I’ve seen a pretty “eminent” doctor in the field of eating disorders, and if you read his writing, you’d think he’s a gift from heaven.  All I have to say about that: he is not.  He is actually a pompous ass.  And I feel completely justified in saying that, because someone who falls asleep in session deserves that.  Anyway!  Today I read this book — which was just released — and it was pretty much a disappointment to me in the same way the first one was.  Maybe I’m just not a “spiritual” enough person.  I don’t know.  I mean, if the point is to make people feel like they’re not alone, it was totally lost on me, because it just made me feel like even more of a “bad Jew” than I already do!  I’d say that’s pretty much defeating the purpose.

Every day I age by about ten years.  Honestly, I don’t think I know what it feels like to feel twenty-five; I feel like I’m about eighty-five!  Between my wrist (slathered in this today, though I don’t know if it even targets whatever the hell is wrong), my knee (currently under a heating pad), my hip (which I pinpointed as having a pain of its own once my knee stopped making me feel like shooting myself in the head), and a not-quite-painful but extremely annoying canker sore, I am a wee bit aggravated!  Oh, well — looking at the bright side, getting it all over with at once means I’ll be dealing with such crap for a shorter time period.  Right?  Right?!

Do these look familiar? 😉

I’m going to call this a “stoplight salad” — it’s red, yellow and green!  Romaine, red pepper, yellow squash, tofu cutlet, and roasted rutabaga.  This was so massive that I had to eat some of it before adding any dressing, because there was no way I could toss it in such a packed container.  Ho hum.  Typical.

Some of my friends went out tonight… my “best friend” called me last night to ask me if I wanted to go along, but I couldn’t because I had class.  This is me sobbing over missing out on going to a restaurant.  Not.  She and I apparently now have tentative plans to go ice skating on Saturday night.  I’ll kind of believe that when it happens… I’ve been wanting to go ice skating every winter for the past five years, at least, and nobody ever wants to go with me!  (Randomly, I also missed going to my cousin’s bar mitzvah because of class.  Double boo hoo.)

Upon my return from school tonight, I found this on my bureau… which is a pretty strange thing to find in a bedroom.

Horrible Hostess rant up ahead, so be warned.  Preface: I don’t like to buy bananas because I’m pretty much the only one who eats them, and they ripen so fast.  I don’t like feeling like I have to eat something at a certain time.  And I’m pretty picky about my bananas… I like them a certain size and a certain degree of ripeness.  For some reason, I only seem to eat bananas on Thursdays / Fridays, so when I go to the supermarket on Monday night, I buy a banana that is green enough to have reached the “right” shade of yellow by the end of the week.  For some reason, I bought two bananas this past Monday.  As it turns out, it’s a good thing I did… my mom called me around noon today to tell me that my cousin ate one of my bananas, so if I wanted the second one, she’d have to “hide” it.

Honestly, I’m a little pissed off.  My cousins are here for one day.  They arrived early this morning to attend a wedding this evening, and they are leaving tomorrow.  How much havoc can be wreaked in such a short time??  Well.  When I got home tonight, I dashed right into the shower, because I need to wash off the disgust.  So there I am under the running water, and I reach for my bodywash… which is not there.  I made do with something else, but really… I mean, fine, borrow my bodywash, whatever, I don’t care.  But is it asking too much if I expect you to return it??  I went to retrieve it from the upstairs bathroom, and the lights were all blazing up there.  Yes, easy to do that when you’re not the one paying the electricity bill.  And they ate my rice cakes, too.  Fine, I can buy more… but if you’re not going to finish the package, close it.  I’m not that fond of stale rice cakes!

*phew* Rant over.


…will not be coming with me when I leave the house tomorrow.  All it does is stress me out.  There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for me to wear it.  Self-talk, people… self-talk.  I am actually really bad at self-talk.  And I am even worse at asking someone to knock some sense into my head for me (I believe the term would be “support”), which is quite helpful in terms of digging myself into a hole.  I should probably learn to get good at self-talk.

If only I weren’t so dismayed by all of the schoolwork I have to do… why am I doing this, again??

Have a great Thursday… almost the weekend.  Thank goodness.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
~Leo Tolstoy


17 responses to “Disappointing Read

  1. that is so lame about the author-im sorry girl!!
    love that quote-AMEN

  2. good that you’re going to leave the pedometer at home tomorrow! you’re right— no reason to wear that thing! ughhh i would want to kill my cousins if they did that. actually they have, whenever they come to stay they eat MY fruit and special “safe” foods. yes i still hvae those…sigh. i wish i didn’t get so worked up about trivial things but i can’t help it. i’m the same way with bananas, nobody else really eats them (at least not regularly, they have no prob eating them when i’m saving a particular one!) and i hate feeling forced to consume something just bc it’s getting ripe. i’ve found that if you pop them in the fridge when they get to the ripeness you like they last a longggg time, but the skin just looks ugly.

  3. I’m glad you are leaving you pedometer at home–no reason for it! Not like you are trying to set a world record for the number of steps walked at work!

    I understand on the books on spirituality and ED. They leave me either feeling horrid and like I am going to Hell or that I am just not smart enough to understand them!

    Where did the banana come from on your dresser? Banana fairy?

    Hope Thursday treats you well!

  4. canker sore. go to the HFS and pick up Lysine. It’s an amino acid that you may need to supplement with and you wont get them. Take about 3-4x recommended dose til canker is gone. My crunchy holistic friends who get them do this. Just google lysine + canker sores.

    Sorrry bout the disappointing books my friend.

  5. Beautiful jewlery – as always!
    I love that quote girlie!

    xox Vera

  6. I love your stoplight salad idea! 🙂

  7. I hope you make it ice skating! I haven’t been in years, but I’d love to go again sometime.

    What about putting your bananas in the fridge? The skin darkens a bit, but the fruit itself stays fresh.

  8. sorry about the sucky day… i understand though and it sucks even the change in routine and such. never read the book but i guess i shouldnt now!

    ice skating is so fun!!!!!!!!!! i still have a pair of figure skates and hockey skates(i was a huge tomboy lol)

    is that your earrings and hair in the pics you post?? if so i think you have GORGEOUS HAIR!

  9. Oh I quickly learned to put my name on food that Ididn’t want to be eaten by Step dad And Step brother. They eat everything thats not nailed to the floor!!

  10. omg. that is horrible about your cousins. my friend had to deal with that and it was horrible. UGH.
    never ice skated!

    stoplight salads ROCK!

    boo hoo. now i have to do work too. UGHA.

  11. Lovely earrings 😉 now where have I seen them before? I will have to make you something now too, I could do with another excuse to procrastinate on my physics assignment…

    I used to be dreadful at self talk as well. I think actually what helped me was having such bad panic attacks. Because panic attacks don’t have an addictive quality like self destructive behaviours do, I didn’t want to hang on to them or feel scared of letting them go, so I naturally gravitated towards learning to talk myself down from them. When I started trying to recover from the ED last year I put a lot of the same strategies in place – stepping outside of the anxiety, observing it in my body and my mind, telling myself it was just a habitual/physical reaction to stress, trying to calm it down or if that didn’t work, distract myself and wait it out. It takes some practise but after a while it becomes automatic. Good plan to leave the pedometer at home 😉

  12. I’m with you on the whole ‘having to eat something at a certain time even though I don’t want to’ problem. It really irks me! Have a nice weekend!

  13. I never get much out of recovery-orientated books either. Unfortunately they never yield the answers I’m after, and most seem to spout generic platitudes a lot of the time. It’s a real disappointment about that author, but I suppose it’s difficult when we build up such a level of admiration for a person for them to meet our expectations.

    I can understand totally why your cousins are irking you: they sound so rude and inconsiderate!

    I didn’t realise you had a pedometer…those things are addictive in themselves, let alone for anyone with OCD tendencies. Definitely sounds like a good idea to keep it out of sight.



  14. Ugh. Your cousins’ behavior would drive me bonkers!

    I love your name for your salad 🙂

    I hope your body heals soon. 🙂

    I’ve been totally weirded out when I meet authors, because I expect them to be a certain way, and they aren’t!

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