Thank you all for the support re: my latest freak-out… I know it gets really old really fast, so I appreciate that you’ve put up with it this long! I’m actually glad that I did compile a list of what is anxiety-provoking in this situation, because I e-mailed it to my nutritionist — I find it very hard to say these things, it’s easier for me to write it! I just may print out her response and carry it in my bag with me, because there won’t be any point in expressing any feelings to the people in my company at the time. I really do feel like “I am an island” … marooned on one. Just a couple of more days, and then I can breathe easy about this. Right now I vacillate between It will be okay and Someone get me out of here!, the inconsistency of which drives me more batty than anything else!!
I know these aren’t new, but they’re finally certified kosher again!
(They used to be, but I was afraid of the calories in it… and then for a while they weren’t kosher, so I couldn’t try them.) I waited in line for twenty minutes to buy these, since I can’t find them anywhere but Trader Joe’s, and this is the only flavor they had.
In a word: awesome. Totally worth waiting in that line. This is worlds better than Jocalat bars! I also liked that there wasn’t a nut in every bite the way there are sometimes in Jocalat bars / Larabars.
I did end up meeting my friend for lunch today. My container held asparagus stir-fry vegetables (asparagus, carrots, pasta, green beans, cauliflower), tofu, and soy sauce. My friend said that she thinks I should make her lunch for her too, and she’ll pay me, because “yours looks a lot better than mine!” Then she complained that she doesn’t even like tuna sandwiches. Well… that’s what happens when you let your mom make lunch for you! 😉
Then it was off to class. Powered by this:
Sort of did the trick, I guess. Though I’m rapidly fading right now! To be brief: my classes this semester are potentially very interesting content-wise, but can you say overwhelming? The amount of work is unbelievable… I’m dizzy just thinking about it. Seriously, I feel like the older I get, the dumber I get, and this should be taken into account! And at this rate, I will be nearly 27 by the time I graduate. YIKES. That’s all.
Sometime during the last semester, I had a little rant about how much I hate eating at school… I won’t get into that again, but suffice it to say that I hate it so much, I preferred to eat outside and have my hands freeze instead. And then I had a “moment”…
…in the form of a bag of self-hatred Glenny’s soy crisps. I actually really like these; the multigrain are my favorite soy crisps ever. But I wasn’t even hungry at all; I just bought them because I knew I was “low” on calories. This creates a mental battle, see, because I apparently have a “famine before feast” mindset. Eating out tomorrow? Well, then, you have to “earn” it by cutting out all sorts of things beforehand!
I am not the type who has an instantaneous relapse and just quits eating altogether one day. I never was. It always sneaks up on me so gradually that I don’t realize it’s happening. Because of that, when I just have what I will call “situational struggles” like this one, I get kind of freaked out about what that means.
I have three very long and very boring articles to read for next week for one of my classes. I printed them out and am going to use them as my surreptitious entertainment tomorrow, when I don’t actually have work per se. Instead, I have to go to this mind-numbing departmental meeting. It’s nice in that it’s from 10.00 to 4.00, and we always finish these things early, so it’s a shorter day for me. But it is SO. BORING! At least now I can try to accomplish something semi-useful. And hopefully keep my mind off of what’s coming later in the evening.
From the Art Therapy Archives:
I called this one Twister. It’s pretty much aligned with how I’m feeling right now… like I’m getting sucked into something that is bigger than I am.
Enjoy your Thursday!