My freedom is drawing to a close… it’s back to work tomorrow. And back to school the day after that. 😦 Someone kill me?!
Last night, I had a Steaz for an ego boost. And it kept me up all night. I really, really, really need to quit ingesting so many fluids so close to bedtime! (Yeah, it wasn’t just the Steaz… add two diet Snapples to that. Ouch.)
Because I didn’t have work today (woohoo!!!), I actually had time to make breakfast!
Scrambled All Whites and mushrooms, based on this recipe; whole wheat English muffin with apple butter spread.
Oh, how I’ve missed you! Massive salad consisting of romaine, alfalfa sprouts, whole grain rotini, Lightlife Smart Links, and Italian blend Steamfresh vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini, Italian green beans, red peppers, carrots, lima beans) with Italian dressing.
A cherry muffin; just because.
Repeat of “spaghetti and meatballs” — I really, really love spaghetti squash, but it is so filling! That wouldn’t be a problem, except that I already felt stuffed to start with, so that wasn’t very pleasant.
So I went to Petco today, and oh my goodness, the service in that store is impossible… I waited forever! After an interminable wait, I emerged from the store with this:
A couple of hours passed … and then I decided that I was going to watch this DVD, which I’ve had checked out of the library for like a year… I just keep renewing it over and over and over again. For no particular reason, I turned on the light in the aquarium before I sat down to watch the DVD… and guess what? A record even for me! The algae eater was dead. So I went back to Petco, which, by the way, is at least a fifteen-minute drive from my house, even when traffic is cooperating. I didn’t get a replacement; I don’t feel like dealing with that right now.
Something shocking happened today, too. I never, ever thought this day would come. See, these products are on sale this week, and I’ve been chickening out of trying them for the longest time. To help my indecisiveness, I just got one of each of the three flavors of the tofu steaks. And my brother ate the garlic and pepper one! I’m not italicizing that because I’m mad; I’m italicizing it because I am in shock. (I’m also extremely jealous, because when I was trying to explain to him how you’re supposed to prep / store tofu, he looked at me very strangely and wanted to know why he couldn’t just finish the whole package. I mean, go ahead, but there are four servings in there! Seriously… I wish I could just eat however much I want of whatever I want whenever I want, and not give a damn about it.)
There really is no reason for me to be so excited about this, since to my knowledge, I don’t even like almond butter… but look what I found!!
I (my disordered mind) didn’t want to buy this (added sugars, you know) … but it’s so highly touted in the blogosphere that I forced myself to buy it, figuring I’ve only tried one type of almond butter, so I shouldn’t write it off altogether. If I don’t like it, I can always shove it off to my brother, right? Isn’t that what brothers are for?
Verbal vomit up ahead, so consider yourself warned. And I am really, really tired, so it probably won’t make much sense… to summarize what could be a very long rant, I am in a panic, and I’m not really quite sure why. Yeah, that tends to happen to me from time to time, and it always passes eventually, but if I just ride it out on the knowledge that it will pass, I’m not doing anything to prevent a recurrence. I really, really wish I could figure out the root of it.
I know that I am incredibly, impossibly anxious about going out on Thursday night; it’s a whole bunch of things that make me uncomfortable all tossed into one! I would be able to deal a bit better with each of the components individually, but having them thrown at me simultaneously is just too much. I’ll save detailing those components for another rant.
The restaurant has been chosen (not by me this time, because I refused; I am tired of choosing and having everyone complain!), and I printed out a copy of the menu and took it with me to my nutritionist appointment. I suppose logic would dictate that I feel slightly calmer about it now, but I don’t. If anything, I feel even more overwhelmed than ever! I have no idea what my weight did over the past couple of weeks, because she doesn’t tell me, and I guess it really doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. Except that there is this annoying little part of my head that is forever trying to convince me that I’m only “allowed” to eat if I’ve lost weight. Come to think of it, that’s probably why she doesn’t tell me! Still, however irrational and stupid it may be, I can’t help but feel horrified that I actually have to eat. I’m not quite sure what brought on this feeling, either; I mean, I may not have been jumping for joy about it, but I was relatively okay with it, and now the thought fills me with terror.
I spend too much time in my own head.
Have a beautiful Tuesday.