Under My Rock

… That’s where I’d like to be right about now.

Last night was interminable because I could not seem to stay asleep.  If there is anything more frustrating than waking up every half hour, I don’t know what it is… so that didn’t make for a very auspicious start to the day.  And, by the way?  The pretty white snow, which was nice while it lasted, is no more.

Ew.  And wellies + bunion = bad combination.

I found out why Petco no longer carries the medication that my silver dollar needs; it is due to the fact that people were using it.  As in, for themselves.  I think it is extremely unfair that my poor fish has to suffer and die because some people choose to get high off aquatic medication!!  I have a crazy mind, but that never would have entered it.  So the poor thing, which cannot swim because it has no fins or tail, is just doubled over and probably in agony.  😦

I did, however, get a couple of new fish:

Two brilliant rasbora… because I am so brilliant.  Ha.  I tried to get a photo of them in the tank, but they are too fast and my shutter speed is too slow.

Here’s last night’s manicure, the color of which coincidentally perfectly matches the sweatshirt I wore today.

About the sweatshirt… okay, verbal vomit up ahead.  Some sweatshirts are more form-fitting than others, and this is one of those.  It wasn’t the best day for me to wear it, because I was having a “fat day” from the start.  What really sucks is that I know how to make that feeling go away — and continuing to eat like a pig, as I do, is not part of that particular strategy.  It’s kind of hard to be proud or glad about following a meal plan when doing so makes me want to rip off my skin.  Literally.  But, oops, I don’t cut anymore, so that’s not an option.  I seem to eliminate negative coping mechanisms but fail to replace them with positive ones, which basically leaves me with … nothing.  I could go on and on and on and on in this vein, but that won’t make any difference, so I’ll just shut up about it.

Romaine, shrivelled delicata squash that spent too long in the microwave, tofu, and baby carrots.  I was horrified to open the vegetable crisper yesterday and find that there was practically nothing in it.  Hence the baby carrots.  That, a rutabaga, and some garlic were the only items in there.  (Yes, I know garlic should not be refrigerated.  My mom won’t listen to me.)

Today’s adventure involved tracking down some vital wheat gluten, because I wanted to make seitan.  I tried Whole Foods — they didn’t have it.  Nor did they have any of the other things on my list.  (Well, they did have zucchini, but I didn’t feel like paying $2.99 a pound for it.)  I tried two other health food stores, and no luck.  Then I decided to stop running from store to store and called another Whole Foods — they didn’t have it, either.  I called another supermarket, and I was put on hold, then disconnected.  When I called back, I was transferred to a guy who didn’t even speak English.  “Vi- wh- ga- … no, we don’t have it.”  How can you know that, if you’ve never even heard of it before?!

In the end, I called the health food store in my neighborhood, and they did have it.  So, of course, when I went out on my walk during my lunch break, I randomly popped into a supermarket, and guess what I found?  As a bonus, I got zucchini and baby portabella mushrooms too.

It was definitely interesting!!  I found it to be very … chewy, almost rubbery.  Is it supposed to be like that?!  I think I’ve ingested enough protein today for three days, but I really do love the stats on vital wheat gluten, so I’m willing to keep at it.

The abovementioned phone encounter should explain somewhat why I dislike the phone.  Lucky me, I actually got to experience phone joys twice today!  My office phone rang, and the person on the other end was trying to reach Mr. P.  Mr. P’s extension number does not even remotely resemble mine, but I’ve been getting calls for him ever since I’ve been working there, and so I made it my business to find out his number so that I can properly re-route people instead of having them yell at me because, oh my goodness, I am not a switchboard operator!  Anyway, I told the caller that she had the wrong extension, she asked what the correct one was, I gave it to her, I hung up, end of story, right?

Wrong.

My phone rang again three seconds later.  Same caller.  “Excuse me!  That was very rude!  I wasn’t finished with you yet and you hung up on me!  This is exactly why I want to talk to Mr. P — to tell him that the [people] there are very rude!”  And she slammed down the phone.  Uhhhh… you were saying?  Hypocrisy at its finest.  Gotta love that.  Especially as she did it on purpose, whereas I didn’t.  Whatever.

I really, really, really, really, really need to get some quality sleep.  That’s what I’d do under my rock, if I only fit.  (Sorry sorry.  I hate to whine about my body image issues, but sometimes I just can’t help it.)

Enjoy your Tuesday.

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19 responses to “Under My Rock

  1. I think I’ve just lost faith in humanity… people get high off of fish medication now?! :O Pathetic & sad all at once! 😦

  2. what a messed up person calling you back. uh.
    it’ sokay, i am totlaly whining about my body issues….to no one in particular. just me. hahah. i’m crazy.

    WHY ARE PEOPLE GETTING HIGH OFF FISH MEDS?! that’s like people drinking cough medicine! that shit is nasty!
    yay for new fish! i want a guinea pig!

  3. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce

    Seitan aka wheat meat! Chewy is how it usually is, i think. I’ve only had it a few times. LOL people getting high off of fish meds, how desperate. What happened to the good ol days of paint thinner? Just kidding. AH, sorry about the sweater woes, I know the feeling. That nail polish color is great though, I have a similar one!

  4. ahh sorry thats so frustrating bout the caller! however, your new fish IS super cute!! i cant ever seen to keep fish alive..bahah

  5. You did the right thing, whereas that woman did the wrong thing. I’m guessing she just wanted to make herself feel better, or on top – I really don’t understand people. Especially those that get their kicks off fish medicine?
    We much prefer you out here, where we can see you and talk to you and hear from you – being under a rock would leave us without you, and that would lead for VERY unhappy girls! It’s okay to feel like that sometimes, but you deserve to see the sun and feel the warmth of it – you deserve love and compassion and kindness. Pretty much everything good. Instead of trying to hide, maybe try face the things that are making you want to retreat. I know that’s way easier said that done, but having even a teeny bit of belief in yourself can get you places.

    Verbal vomit over.
    I hope you have a beautiful day/night/morning/afternoon.

    Love,
    Eleanor. xo

  6. Wow, that’s so rude! Stupid woman, some people are ridiculous.
    About your verbal vomit…firstly, I don’t think you eat like a pig, and secondly, restricting doesn’t cure fat feelings permanently because they are a part of the illness, so becoming more ill (or ill for longer) would only make things worse in the long term. So by my logic, continuing to eat IS the best way to eventually stop them 😛
    Also, people getting high off of fish medicine? I thought we were supposed to be the crazy ones!

  7. Ugh, sorry you couldn’t stay asleep. I HATE that.

    Good for you for making seitan!!! I REALLY want to do it as soon as I have time.

    Stay dry! Don’t step in puddles (like I did yesterday on the way to work).

  8. ahhggg… i hate fat days. and it seems everyday has been a fat day for me lately. i totally know how you feel. i have been ‘this way’ for so long and these coping mechanisms, it’s like if you take all that away i don’t have anything. i don’t know how to be ‘normal’. and 2.99 for zuchs!?! we sell them for .79/lb at my store.

  9. grr so annoying about the caller!! ahh the infamous fat days, mien usually happen around my period…I just wear whatever covers me up LOL

    your salad looks deicious!! delitica squash is great! I had one recently!! perfect on a salad the next day! I have never tried seitan…I plan to soon!!

  10. People will get high on anything they can nowadays, it’s very sad, but true.

    I hate it when I can’t get to sleep and I’m just laying there fustrated by not getting to sleep. I try reading but my eyes are too tired 😦

  11. Ugh, I hate waking up multiple times throughout the night. That’s just the worst!!!

    Furthermore, I think it’s brilliant and promising that you know you DO have a choice. You just gotta take that extra, challenging initiative and make the ‘right’ one 🙂 If you need someone to help you through it, you know you’ve got my back! email/facebook me anytime! rlustig516@gmail.com

    Thank you for your comments and support. I genuinely appreciate and value your genuine words.

    Stay strong, stay positive- it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And if it’s not, make it one.

  12. What are some positive coping mechanisms? I would love to read a list you made! Maybe we could all add to it!

    That is seriously effed up that people were buying fish meds for themselves. Ugh.

    What happened with the annoying woman on the phone?

    I have not been able to sleep well lately either. I tried drinking less water at night and that helped somewhat, but I am so anxious that I wake up and have weird dreams.

  13. Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth)

    your eats look amazing 🙂 i love squash and tofu! im sorry you cant sleep .. i absolutely hate that.

    xoxo
    shelley

  14. awe a fish!! super cute 🙂

    I ever realized util I read this post how ALL ysweaters are oversized. 😦 ugh

    Sietan is a strange substance. haha. good tho

    heres to a POSITIVE day. xoo

  15. I love the way you write. Very whimsical, dreamy, straightforward, witty…genuine.
    Fish are supposed to be calming. I find candles to be calming.

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