Need. Sleep.

It’s kind of funny how some days I just sit and stare at my monitor, unable to bring myself to type a single word… and other days I spew out posts that are insanely long.  I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the latter!

First of all, thank you for your sweet comments on my last post… I guess I know logically that I shouldn’t insult myself, whether it be true or not… but I am such a black-and-white person, and I’m terrified of getting a “big head,” so by that token I kind of have to believe the worst!  Or I could just not think about myself in any way at all.  That would work too.

But having to fix the effects of my stupidity (or not) and re-do things I really don’t care about, for the sake of someone else’s grade, is really pissing me off.  It is extremely unfair for a professor to assign a glut of group projects so she has less material to grade!  And even though I say I don’t care, I know I’ll be devastated if I get a horrible grade… ugh.

This has been bothering me for a while, and it seems like a bit of a strange thing to say, but it feels like I use the word I way too often on here.  Um, duh, hello — it is my blog, after all!  But still.  I don’t even know why I’m mentioning this, except for the fact that it’s driving me crazy.  (There it goes again — me!)

Ever since I booked my vacation, and got the expected reaction from my mom (“If you say you don’t have money, how can you afford to go on vacation?” — not, “How can you afford to pay for graduate school?” which is way more expensive), I’ve been fighting off the guilt of it, because I’m sorry, I just refuse to feel guilty this time.  It is my money, I worked for it, and I can do with it whatever I damn well please!  Thank you.

And since I’m such a wealthy individual, I am buying an underwater digital camera. The pictures I’ve taken until now were taken with disposable cameras, and it sucks that everything looks blue because I have no light source.  But, unless I buy an external light strobe to use with said digital camera, I’m probably going to end up with backscatter, which shows up as little black dots in the pictures.  I suppose I could always edit that after the fact — because an external light strobe is going to cost more than the camera!  I never, ever do this, but I’m looking into buying a used camera, because there is no way I can afford a brand-new one.  Still, I’m sort of lost — as I’ve mentioned, I’m not exactly the most technical person!  I think I’m going to call my local dive shop and harrass them a bit, but the problem with that is that they’re probably going to try to convince me to buy a camera from them!  If anyone out there knows anything about underwater photography, I’d love to pick your brain!

Since I just spent an inordinate amount of time boring you to death with talk of photography, I’ll jump into some pictures now.

One of the dozen pairs of earrings I bought yesterday… I randomly chose that one because it was a pretty color, but I think it’s rather neat that it’s the exact same shade as the shirt.  I always did say I am easily amused.

It was Tuesday, which means I met my friend for lunch… and this was an Epic Fail.  Reason #1: the romaine lettuce was all limp and wilted and disgusting, so I had to go with iceberg.  Reason #2: the guy manning the salad bar was stingy beyond belief… I mean, come on, I’m not paying you this exorbitant amount of money for three kidney beans, two cucumber slices, and half a mushroom!  If they’d reverse their attitudes toward vegetables and dressing, the situation would be ideal.  Sweet dreams are made of these…

Udon noodles tossed with Lightlife Steak Style Strips and broccoli, mushrooms, onions and peppers cooked in soy sauce. Ellie told me that udon noodles are superior to soba noodles… I think I agree.

I popped in to Whole Foods to test out a theory, and… look, Katie!

A proper turnip!  Apparently, what I have been referring to as a “waxed turnip” — because that’s what the sign in the supermarket says — is actually a rutabaga.  Which would explain why it isn’t white, as I’d always assumed turnips are!  And after the whole sweet potato / yam debate, I should know better than to trust supermarket signs…

Another gem I picked up at Whole Foods, because I saw it on Elise’s blog and wanted to try it:

Steaz!

Allow me to explain something about carbonated beverages and me: we do not get along.  They make me sneeze.  I used to make an exception for black cherry diet Mistic, but of course they stopped making that!  This, however, tastes exactly like it, so I’m willing to overlook the sneeze attack once in a while.

The cap had a lovely message, too.  Even if it isn’t exactly a reflection of my current reality!

I should probably wind up here!!  But first… I’ve been sleeping in this T-shirt since I was about sixteen.  Taking breaks to toss it in the wash probably helped to contribute to its sad fate… but it is now suitable for a creature with a third arm growing out of its right armpit.

Even though we have a relationship, I think it’s high time we broke up… so say hello to its replacement!

I’m sensing a theme here.

For some reason, I have not been sleeping well at all lately… it takes me forever to fall asleep, and I can’t seem to stay asleep.  It is incredibly frustrating.  Any “sleeping” tips would be appreciated!  When I am tired / sleep-deprived, I become very, very grumpy.  This didn’t help my mood: my therapist is moving offices next week.  Whereas until now, I was able to walk over to her office in less than ten minutes, I will now have to take a subway ride… and by the time I get there, if I just turn around and go right back to work, I’ll have used up my entire lunch hour.  I’m really upset about this, because it’s not like I can “make up” the extra time I’d be missing — I already come an hour earlier than anyone else does, because I leave early once a week to go to class.  I’m not coming to work at 7.00 AM, I’m sorry; that is just insane.  I don’t know what to do.

And that’s all there is to it.

Have a happy Hump Day… even though it’s not really a hump this week, it’s more like the bottom of the hill.

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11 responses to “Need. Sleep.

  1. ahh i could never get up that early for work :-\ but an underwater camera would be awesome! the udon noodles look awesome- especially the broccoli

    xoxo
    shelley
    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

  2. girl those meals look so good! for sleep..try taking a bath before bed or getting a sound machine (thats helped me a lot!) and make sure your tummy is nice and satisfied before bed 🙂

  3. I’m glad your turnip expedition went well! Now THAT looks like a turnip. And I am a hopeless pedant. I love the little message on the bottle cap, that’s cute!
    Good for you for refusing to feel guilty over your vacation. You’re right, it’s your money and you spend a lot of time rushing around and being stressed out, you deserve a break. Take a photo of a garden eel for me if you see any 😛
    I wish I could help you with the sleep problem but I’m just the same! I don’t think I even lie there feeling anxious most of the time, I just take an inordinately long time to get to sleep. It’s frustrating, and the longer it goes on the more frustrated you get and the harder it is for your body to get to sleep. I try relaxation exercises sometimes and they often help – things like progressive muscle relaxation. I hope you can find something that helps! ❤

  4. I’m so sorry I missed the last post ~ my internet went down yesterday and I’m only just catching up on blog reading/commenting!

    Didn’t you mention before that all of the other group members met up beforehand and you couldn’t make it because of work? That could have significantly affected your part of the presentation, in which case they have no-one to blame but themselves for being so selfish and inflexible for refusing to accommodate your work hours. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t know how you do it. I struggle with my postgrad course and I’m just a lazy bum who sits at home all day painting. Aside from exercise, I have infinite time on my hands. You are paying your way through your course, which is so admirable I can’t even articulate it in words. You are placing so much pressure on yourself and eventually something will have to give if you don’t start being KINDER to yourself, seriously. I would never, ever apply the word ‘ugly’ or any of the other pejoratives you typed to you. In fact ‘pretty’ isn’t enough of a superlative for you. I just wish you could see how you really are, instead of the illusion created by a combination of your ED and your depression.

    Sadly, I am useless when it comes to sleeping tips…but I’m glad you asked the question as I’d be so intrigued to hear people’s responses. Three hours in three nights is no fun *twitches*.

    It seems like you feel you don’t even deserve to exist, so you don’t like asserting yourself as a subject linguistically. That is so incredibly heartbreaking ~ I can’t emphasise enough how you should be starting to say ‘I’ or ‘me’ MORE, to keep reaffirming your identity and perhaps be a little less selfless (which you are, even if you don’t realise it).

    Take care

    xoxo

  5. I’m the same it takes me ages to get off to sleep. I try reading in bed until my eyes can hardly stay open then try sleep but still it takes a while, but not as long.

  6. Not good, but I take Advil PM, Bayer PM, or Simply Sleep to sleep at night. I have sort of gotten into the habit, but the reason I did is because with all the noise of the city, it is VERY hard to sleep otherwise. It’s better than not sleeping and being tired all the time!

  7. laurasworthlesswords

    My experience with soba noodles went terribly wrong, it was so bad Im convinced I did something wrong, they were all gritty and horrible. Udon noodles however, I love them!!!!!! They are delicious, I make a stiry fry with chicken and veggies, sesame oil and soy sauce, its yum 🙂

    Hmm sleeping can be a tricky thing, have you tried playing a cd with natural music playing like the ocean or rainfall? A distraction for your mind might help you sleep, I have the prob of an overactive mind so when Im trying to get to sleep Im busy thinking about everything else!
    Although they dont recommend watching tv in bed as apparently this doesnt help with sleep, it actually helps me. I usually find it I start watching tv while lying in bed it knocks me out eventually.

  8. I try not being on the computer right before bed. Instead, I try to unwind with yoga (with the lights out), a book, tea, and in worst cases, melatonin.

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