This is a title.

I’m a glitter-dusting fairy!

This shirt was shedding sparkles all over the floor, my chair, my desk… I lived in a very glittery world.

And just to clarify: I did not, in fact, find boots. Turns out that it’s a good thing I couldn’t buy them online in my size, because today I found them in a store, and they were too big. Why is it that these boot manufacturers seem to think that the bigger your foot, the larger your calf?! Pardon me for not having a size four foot! I think that would look quite comical, given my height.

I was very “depressed” about my boot failure, so I bought these instead.

They’re heavy.

Romaine, roasted turnip, roasted green beans, alfalfa sprouts, and soy nuts… this worked out a little better than the last time I put those in a salad!

Minus anti-sog baggie.

A recent obsession: honey wheat pretzels… I can’t get enough of these!  (Neither can my brother; it is extremely unusual for us to agree on something like this.)

Smooshed grapes.  Oops.

Yves “chicken” burger (didn’t my Foreman do a pretty job?!), Steamfresh broccoli and cauliflower, bulgur — both of the latter with garlic salt.  Natch.  And as much as I love bulgur, I’m still having a difficult time with this whole “adding grains” thing.  But it gets better…

I haven’t verbally vomited in a while, so here’s a quick one.  Shortly after ingesting the abovementioned burger/veggies/bulgur, I went to see my nutritionist.  Or tried to, anyway.  I spent over half an hour driving around in circles, trying to find a parking space.  And, no, that isn’t an exaggeration.  I finally gave up, after popping a few blood vessels (I’m not exactly a patient driver in the best of circumstances… this was not putting me in a great mood); I stopped in front of a fire hydrant across the street from her house, put on my blinkers, and just ran in for a minute to get on the scale.  Oh, the stupid scale.  Did I mention I was already in a bad mood?!  Because that certainly didn’t help matters.  I’m not meant to, but I saw the number.  Yes, I know I’m not a number, but seriously?  I don’t get what all the fuss is about!  Granted, I thought I was “fat” weighing twenty pounds less than I do, but still; this is just making me feel… yucky.  As in, keep-me-away-from-sharp-objects yucky.

And I was planning to have a “rule breaking” day tomorrow (I’m sure you are all just dying to know)… which was freaking me out enough already, but now I’m really having a lovely bout of anxiety over it.  I’m such a well-trained puppy of society that I feel like I need to “earn” the “right” to eat; which, to my crazy brain, means that it’s only “allowed” if I’m losing weight.  Hmm.  That doesn’t make much sense, see; it’s a self-defeating “rule,” really.  Apparently my brain isn’t getting the message.

It really isn’t helping in the whole “feeling ugly” category that my arms are just not cooperating.

I should probably just suck it up and pay a visit to my dermatologist.

In the interest of keeping myself away from the abovementioned sharp objects, I will walk through my fairy dust and go to bed.  Have a lovely Thursday.

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12 responses to “This is a title.

  1. take care of yourself hun- that arm looks like it needs some antibiotics or something! & i’m sorry that you had to drive around like that, that’s super annoying. you are more than a number of course, but they need some way to monitor ou and make sure oyu are healthy 🙂 it’s only what is best for you.. stay strong and postitive, you deserve happiness!

    xoxo
    shelley
    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

  2. Where’s your favorite place to get jewelry? You and I have the same obsession and tastes.

  3. Girl, my legs look just like your arms. My poor physical therapist who has to massage them twice a week! I need to see a dermo, too… I’ve had this problem for years, and it doesn’t help that I scratch the bejeezus out of them while I sleep!

    LOVE those pretzels. Had major craving yesterday for ANY kind of pretzel, but all we had were rice cakes 😦

  4. booo sorry about your boots! that shirt looks great on you.such a pretty color! and i LOVE those pretzels..we have a big thing in my apartment a i grab a handful every night 🙂 hehe

  5. awee honey bunch. keep your head high. you deserve health and happiness. and you devere ALL the good yummy things your body needs. I know, I know, it is all easier said than done. But girl, it CAN and WILL be done. im here for you.
    xo

  6. laurasworthlesswords

    Aww I really love that shirt, its very pretty :-). I know its hard to keep eating and sticking with the plan when your having those sort of thoughts but keep at it, everyone needs to eat and has the right to eat its not something you should feel ‘allowed’ to do, its something we all have to do!

    Your arm looks really irritated, Id definitely get that checked out before it gets any worse.
    xoxo

  7. Gorgeous top and earrings.

  8. I always love your tops! Yeah, I’d see someone over your arm… 😦 And don’t feel guilty to break away from your eating “rules.” That’s the only way you can ever get better, to have no rules! Good luck!!

  9. You missed out ‘gorgeous,’ as in ‘gorgeous glittering dusty fairy.’ I thought you’d appreciate the alliteration.

    Seriously though, I know that EDs distort vision but how you can see yourself as anything other than STILL incredibly slim I do not know. You have a tiny frame and I can’t see a millimetre of fat on you. I don’t bullsh*t about these things…not that I’d ever call someone tubby, I just wouldn’t say anything. But please don’t hate yourself like this ~ at 20lbs lighter than you are now I am surprised that you didn’t die. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but you have to realise how slender you still are!

    I would kill to look like you, no question…itchy arms and all.

    Perhaps it could be a reaction to chlorine? Now I’m swimming more I notice that I get a similar rash on my torso and legs. But I would really see someone about it if you can.

    xoxo

  10. sorry about the boots. lame……

    don’t hate on your weight. i’m sure i weight MUCH more than you do. LOL.

    itchy arms? make an appt and see the derm! seriously!.

    although i’d rather have itchy arms than a BIG ZIT on the side of my face. it’s amazing that D actually was close to my face today. crazy.

  11. Pingback: Me = Cliché « Blue Eyed Heart

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