Hissy Fit

Allow me to throw a little hissy fit before I do anything else, okay?

Nothing is ever good enough.  This is what I have learned this week.  If I lose weight, I hear, You didn’t even maintain!  If I maintain, I hear, You didn’t even gain!  If I gain, I hear, You didn’t gain enough!  This seems to be a recurring theme, and it is very frustrating.  Also irking me is the fact that I’ve been instructed to get more of the crap known as Boost High Protein.  I really felt like throwing a temper tantrum: You said it was just for one week!  You promisedBut I didn’t do that, because I am a mature adult.  (Cue insane cackling.)

Yeah, I know, I know.  We’re all “on the same side” here.  But I just can’t help feeling annoyed and irritated and, well, I guess discouraged is a sort-of apt word, because if I can’t ever do anything right, why the hell do I even bother at all?!

Review of POM Wildberry White Tea:

IMG_0037

To be honest, this wasn’t my favorite.  It just tasted like it was missing something, somehow… there was an absence of flavor.  It kind of felt like I was drinking something that wasn’t really there, because the taste was so fleeting.  I know, I know, I’m not making any sense.

IMG_0034

It turns out that I do not like broccoli rabe.  It is way too bitter for my tastes… sometimes I can force myself to eat something even if I don’t like it, but this was not one of those cases.  I had to throw it out.  😦

IMG_0035

It looked pretty, though.

IMG_0042

Bulgur with roasted baby broccoli (though I fail to see anything “baby” about it), Foreman-grilled tofu, and roasted golden nugget squash that was definitely not in the oven for long enough, but my mom was totally guilt-tripping me because she kept complaining that she needed that oven!  I had a mini-freakout because for some inexplicable reason, the bulgur was greasy.  I am not crazy; I didn’t put any oil in there, I would remember if I did!!  Of course my paranoid mind immediately came up with several different implausible explanations for this, but I think it’s just from the broccoli, which I roasted on a sprayed baking pan.  I’m going with that.  Paranoia be damned.

The indecisiveness continues… I am now in possession of these two shirts in different sizes.  Meaning, I have four of them.  (Sorry for the bad lighting… I was too lazy to relocate.  Pardon the horrible mess.)

IMG_0044

 

IMG_004511

I have figured out the sizing problem on these, actually.  They’re girls’ shirts.  I originally bought girls plus, because I figured it made more sense.  Apparently not.  That seems to translate into some weird sort of maternity belly action going on there… and the neck is way wider, hence the unwelcome bra strap display.  So, to facilitate matters somewhat, I went back to the store this morning and actually tried things on.  I got the pink one in regular, and while it is a little shorter, my straps don’t show.  Alas (did I just say alas?!), the purple one — which is the one I really wanted all along — was only available in a size suitable for a six-year-old.  So I got another girls plus, but a smaller one.  I’m all confused… I don’t remember there being half sizes in clothes when I was little!  Either way, I now have even more fun decisions to make.  Sigh.

And this

IMG_0046

It’s like a second skin.  I do not like this.  But I am too lazy to go return / exchange it, so I’m going to hope it does what my other thermal shirts seem to have done and stretch.  Note the hole for the thumb… particularly easy to spot, given the contraption on mine!

Clearly, I have issues not only with making decisions, but buying more clothes than I need or can keep.  It’s not a financial problem, because if I truly couldn’t afford it, I wouldn’t buy it; I view a credit card as a debit card, really, so if I don’t have the cash for something, I won’t charge it.  But it’s the principle of the matter!  And so my therapist has given me an assigment to clean out my closet.  Which is scary.  I was a total tomboy in high school, at least in the beginning; then when I was with my ex I turned into somewhat of a girly girl; and now I can’t figure out what on earth I am because I seem to be all over the place.  How am I supposed to know what to keep?!  Not to mention the fact that I don’t know for sure what fits and what doesn’t, and quite frankly, I’d rather walk over hot coals than spend a day trying on clothes.  Oy.

Random question of the day: Does your closet scare the crap out of you?

Tomorrow is finally, finally Friday.  I’m a little ticked off, actually, because I just found out from my group partners that there is another whole element to our project … um, they knew this all along, so why am I just hearing about it now?  It’s not exactly fair since they can work on it all Saturday, and I can’t.  Oh well.  Sucks to be me.  I have two presentations and a paper due on Monday, for none of which I am adequately prepared.  At the moment, I am so exhausted that I don’t even care — all that matters is going to sleep.  I am such an old lady.

It is Cousin Central here.

Have a good weekend!

Advertisements

9 responses to “Hissy Fit

  1. i almost threw a hissy fit today. fun times. i’m apparently 4 years old.

  2. girl..i totally can relate with the closet thing.. kina in a different way..it def WAS hard throwing away jeans that used to fit me and that didnt fit me anymore..but then i kept reminding myself how much BETTER i felt, BETTER i looked (my butt was bigger and i love it!hehe) and how much happier i was.. i was so unhappy when i could fit into those jeans..and think about what you feel good in!!
    you will figure out who you are in soon enough time..keep getting better and healthy and it will come to you!! we just have to be patient..our life is a story 🙂

  3. My closet does indeed scare the crap out of me. Or rather, it tries to, and then I intimidate it by sending all the smallest stuff to charity, then I feel all smug as if I’d won a real battle instead of fighting with a few inanimate objects 😛 whatever, I’m odd. Good luck with that! I really love the purple shirt, it’s so pretty.
    I know what you mean about finding it hard to remember that you and your nutritionist/therapist are all on the same team. I always found that when I was in ED treatment too, because most of the time I was only doing what I was doing to avoid my therapist’s wrath 😛 But this time I haven’t found myself resenting any of the things I’ve chosen to do myself, like aim for a healthy target weight or adding calories above what my eating disorder thought was necessary. When the eating disorder is the enemy everything becomes a lot easier.
    I hope you’re having a nice Friday 🙂 nearly the weekend! I think I wrote that exact sentence last Friday too…

  4. Unfortunately I am the queen of hissy fits, and always feel utterly embarrassed when I’ve thrown one…only to throw another one a few hours later :/

    Closet-cleaning is the bane of my life. I’ve thrown away so many things that I now wish I’d kept and due to swinging between over and under-eating so badly I have huge amounts of things in the wrong size. Weirdly, I’ve kept all of my ‘fat’ clothes but chucked most of the ‘thin’ ones. I don’t know what that says about me…perhaps that I have no faith that I won’t return to bingeing all the time again. But the experience of buying clothes in the larger size and not being able to fit into the smaller ones was so traumatic that I can’t go through that again, so at least I won’t have to go through it again. I’m always to rash and hasty in throwing things away, both with foods I think I can’t use and clothes I think I won’t wear. I’ve also gone through multiple ‘phases’ with clothes and now regret ditching most of my old gothic appareil because I’m feeling a little black and spiky again. I’d say give the exercise a go but don’t stress too much if it’s just not working: it’s all very well to set such a task and I can see how it would help with decision-making, but I wouldn’t get rid of something you’re not sure about just for the sake of it.

    xoxox

  5. the only reaosn my closet scares me is because its a mess 😦 but i have a lot of clothes that are just way too big and it can be relaly upsetting so i know how you feel. stay strong girl

    xoox
    shelley
    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

  6. There is NOTHING wrong with throwing a hissy fit! Yes, my closet scares the freaking crap out of me. Like, what to wear. How to wear. When to wear. What it looks like on the hanger or me. I’ve been trying to clean it for several days…..haha not going well at all! The opposite of going well, actually!
    I hope that your hand/thumb starts to feel beter!

  7. My closet can’t scare me, since it’s basically empty. I seriously have no clothes. I need a shopping spree.

    I understand what you mean about the weight issue. I heard the same stuff from people all the time. It totally sucks.

    I see you’ve still got a bandage around your poor thumb! 😦

  8. deep breaths! sorry everything is so hectic/stressful right now. you’ll get through. you always do 🙂

  9. i’m sure that my “real” closet is a scary, scary place, but right now, i don’t have one! not that there would be much to put in it anyways… darn you luggage allowance…

    love the purple shirt. it is so pretty! i hope your weekend is/was good, and that you somehow got all that school work done!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s