Yes, I’m apparently back to alliterating post titles. Apologies.
There are actually two Verbal Vomits in this post. Projectile verbal vomiting! If you want to avoid the first, ED-related spurt, skip straight down to the pictures serving as a dividing line.
Like I said yesterday, my nutritionist had plans to yell at me. Apparently, she called my therapist instead. If I had to sum up my gut reaction to her reaction, it would be that for someone who claims to be concerned about my (perfectly healthy!) heart, she’s certainly doing her best to send me into cardiac failure. I really do not understand how I could have possibly lost as much weight as they say I did over the past week. I send my nutritionist
pictures, for heaven’s sake, so she can see that I’m not calling two grains of rice a serving. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s embarrassing to even think of the volume of food I eat. I feel like I just never stop, and it disgusts me, and this is what I get for it? Nice. So “they” decided that I should add not one, not two, but three Boost Plus supplements (for the record, that is over one thousand additional calories). Every day. Which is clearly not happening, for a million different reasons. Such as, they taste nasty; they have about a million grams of sugar, and I do not need to be in a sugar coma; liquid calories freak the hell out of me — this is more than bad enough; and, um, this one isn’t on the list, but I really don’t think all of this fuss is necessary. Nor am I going to lie and say that I will / did drink it if I know I won’t / didn’t … so I’m supposed to be eating even more now. Honestly, I don’t know whether to cry or scream. I’d go with the crying option, since other people in my house would hear me scream (a bad thing to happen in an environment devoid of “support”); but as I haven’t cried in so long that I don’t even remember when I last did, I’m pretty much out of options.
But. Though I might not be sure what I want, I’m adamant on what I don’t want. I absolutely have zero interest in going IP. Going last time only created more problems for me… it’s not like I was “medically compromised,” so it was just stupid. And I’m kind of in the same position right now. While I’m happy about that — why would I want to feel sick?! — it also aids in allowing me to adopt a somewhat cavalier attitude to it all. I need to get over that, but I can’t seem to break free of the mindset that if I just don’t think about something, it will go away. Clearly, this is not going away, not if I don’t make it go away. Too bad I’m such a wuss about it.
I did, however, do this.
Wheat couscous and chickpeas with paprika, and then garlic salt; and Italian blend vegetables… with garlic salt, of course. I hate to toot my own horn, but seriously? This was absolutely genius. The only problem with it was that there was an awful lot more of it than I would have liked there to be, no matter how good it was. (Doesn’t it say something that I ate that two and a half hours ago and I am still uncomfortably full?!)
This was my “decision” …
Now that I’ve made the choice, I can go buy more. I absolutely love this shirt. It is so comfortable and deliciously warm… and I really like that it’s not too snug a fit.
Matching earrings. Naturally!
As for the “passions”… lately, I’ve been wondering about my chosen field of study / career. Some of the people with whom I go to school are just burning with passion for it, and I’m simply … not. I can’t help but wonder: is this because I’m just not a “passionate” type of person, or is it a sign that I’m in the wrong field? I hate doubting myself that way, but really, if this isn’t “it,” I don’t know what is. Just another way in which I feel completely and utterly lost.
Like a true procrastinator with piles of work to do, I am doing this instead. How’s that for priorities?! And then I wonder why I have a rapidly mounting stress level…
Have a great weekend! And a happy Halloween, if you “celebrate” it.