It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…

Yes, so no crying happened… but still.  If I don’t like birthdays or parties, just what exactly is the reasoning behind throwing one for me??  I know, I know, I sound like a spoiled ungrateful brat, so to ward off the recriminations, I will acknowledge that.  I do appreciate the sentiment, really.  It’s just that parties make me feel extremely uncomfortable!  Especially if my niece is there.  I very stupidly finally told my dad why that is the case, and he said something like, “So every time you’re around someone who’s skinnier than you are, you’re going to act this way?!”  I didn’t take very well to that.  Not because I thought he was telling me I’m fat, but because everyone else is always in such a rush to say, “No, she’s not,” when I know that she is; and my totally uncensored dad is the only one who can admit that.  Meaning everyone is always lying to me.  Not the greatest thing for someone who already has trust issues, you know?

Anyway, enough of that.

I gave myself a French manicure on Friday.  Or attempted to, anyway… I haven’t done it in ages, and it shows.  My right hand is really a sight to behold, believe me.

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This is totally at odds with my toenails, which are never not painted black.

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Since the party was on Saturday, which was my birthday (lucky lucky birthday-hating me has two — because in my family we celebrate Hebrew birthdays, according to the lunar calendar; which only falls out on the same date as the birthday according to the Gregorian calendar every nineteen years), I couldn’t take any pictures.  There was a cake which may or may not have been quite lovely; I couldn’t say, since I didn’t know of its existence until one of my nephews started carrying around slices and offering it to people, after my dad had cut it open.  I thought I was supposed to cut my own birthday cake, but I haven’t had one in a while, so what do I know?  So sorry about the nasty cake pictures.  The pretty card makes up for it, though, yes?

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My mom told me that they wanted to give me a gift on my birthday, but it’s coming from China and it won’t arrive until September 11.  Which totally doesn’t make any sense, according to what I saw… but whatever, I won’t ask any questions.  The boat with my books is docking on September 11, too… yay!  My sister said that our Chinese “liaison” picked it up for them (“it” being whatever this mysterious gift is)… which really makes no sense!!  Oh, the mystery.

Some random food pictures, of course.

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Waffles with a “sauce” made out of pancake syrup microwaved with blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries… I started to mash the berries afterward but decided this worked better.  And it looked prettier too, don’t you think?!

Speaking of things looking pretty… a couple of weeks ago I finally broke down and bought a julienne peeler.  It’s actually quite cool — it’s three peelers in one!  A regular peeler, one for thin skin (i.e. tomatoes), and the julienne blade… which is really all I wanted!

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It is awesome.  It is also pathetic how excited I get when things work the way they’re supposed to work, but whatever.  Look at this beautiful pile of julienned zucchini and yellow squash!

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And then I killed several birds with one stone by topping it with the most heavenly mushroom recipe ever (the dead bird here is the jar of mushrooms that expires in September), plus a meatless mini loaf (which just needs to stop taking up space in my freezer).

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Since I was apparently in the mood to be finishing up things that needed to be finished up, I used a lemon supreme cake mix (for some reason, we have about seventeen dozen boxes of cake mix in the basement) and made a “lemon jello cake” … sans lemon jello.  I don’t think my brother is overly fond of citrus anyway, so it’s all good.

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So I guess that’s that for the photographic entertainment.

My mom and I had another lovely argument today.  I’m not going to get into the details, because contextually it probably won’t make any sense to anyone reading this.  But it made me really, really mad.  I am so tired of constantly hearing what a disappointment I am because I can’t, or won’t, live up to everyone’s expectations of me… and because they just refuse to accept me as I am.  I should be used to this whole “black sheep” crap after all these years, but apparently I’m not.  It never fails to make me feel guilty, guilty, guilty… as if I don’t already have enough self-hatred?!  Please.

I was going to buy a new camera today, but my sister told me that I shouldn’t do that… she said that when her camera broke, even though it wasn’t under warranty anymore, she called Canon… apparently they have really good customer service, and she sent them the camera so that they could fix it.  Before they would fix it, though, they’d tell me if there’s the option to upgrade… which would cost less than a new camera!  So I guess I’m going to try calling them tomorrow… but how will I live a week without a camera?!  (I already told my brother I’d be adopting his… it isn’t like he ever really uses it anyway!)

I’m really kind of dreading going back to work tomorrow… I don’t think I hate my job per se.  I’m just … blue, for lack of a better word, and it’s harder to distract myself from that when I need to be focusing on the task at hand.  Maybe that’s part of the reason why I seem to have stopped blogging every day… well, not because I need to be focusing at work, as I don’t blog at work!  But I’m just devoid of the energy for it, I guess.  Doesn’t seem worth the expenditure, like it doesn’t matter… and I’m doing a really bad job of explaining this, which shouldn’t matter either because who really cares?!  So I’ll just be quiet now.

Have a fabulous start to your week!

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11 responses to “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…

  1. Happy (belated) birthday!!!

    So many good things here. Pretty manicure (I need one so badly), DELICIOUS zucchini pasta, and cake! Perfection.

  2. Okay, girl, I think you already know that, but dwelling on the negative side of things is NOT going to help things. I know you don’t like parties (neither do I) and you are still dealing with issues, but my dear…are you really fighting? Sometimes, you just can’t always surrender to your thoughts and emotions…because most of the time, they’re heavily weighed by ED, and it is not pretty.
    I don’t wanna nag, but over so long of reading and communicating with you, I have a fondness for you and really wish you well. Please, you need to try harder. You already know what is wrong and what is right. You can’t ask people to tailor to your issues, you need to work on them.

    By the way, I think I already wished you happy birthday, but I want to wish you Happy birthday one more time, because really…it SHOULD be a HAPPY birthday. I hope next year’s birthday will be received with much more joy.

  3. Two birthdays? Ooh, like the Queen 😛 but probably not a good thing for someone who isn’t keen on parties! I sympathise, when my family threw me my 18th, 19th and 21st birthday parties at home (we have an enormous family and about fifty of my parent’s friends turned up, ack) I had given up and hidden in my room by 11pm each year! The cake still looks pretty good though, even if it was half eaten!
    I hope work goes OK ❤ Monday will be over before you know it.

  4. Oh yeah, I absolutely abhor birthdays and parties too. Luckily I’m such an absolute misery that my family have learnt to heed my requests to all but ignore them. I’ll tolerate the occasional card, but that’s about it 😉 I disagree that you can’t expect others to accommodate your wishes: the world needs to understand that it’s comprised of individuals, not some conglomorate mass that bends to the will, customs and expectations of wider society. You shouldn’t hate yourself, and your parents should have the wisdom and maturity to accept you as you are, which IMO is as a damn intelligent, bright and sassy young woman with the brains to see through a lot of the false expectations of the world around her.

    I’m sorry about your niece, but even if she is thinner than you then it doesn’t make her ‘better’ in any way. I know how it is not to trust people about appearance comments…I’m just lucky that both of my parents are so straight-talking that they don’t mind telling me that I’m looking tubby around the thighs and rear…yes, ‘lucky’.

    That julienne peeler is great ~ who needs a spiralizer? Such delicate strips of veggies…and that cake looks great too.

    Only blog if you truly want to ~ if it’s a chore and draining you, then give it a miss for a while.

    Take care of yourself and be a little more selfish for a change!

    ❤ ❤

  5. I’m really not a huge birthday fan either. Of mine or anyone else’s- when does it stop being a big fun shindig to something you really don’t like anymore?! Comes with age, I guess. Or ED’s. You still could have tried the cake, ya know…just sayin’ 😉

    Where is the peeler from? I want to get one lke that! (Does anyone peel tomatoes?)

    When do you go back to school?

    I am so intrigued about your birthday gift…hmm…

    41 days till PB2 time! 😛

  6. first off i’ll just say, you blog is one of my favorites to read. so take that for what you will. also, your nails look cute in the picture. i use to paint mine all the time too but since i’ve been biting my nails lately i don’t bother. those waffles look so pretty. and the mushroom dish sounds awesome. i’m not big on partys either, the idea of them is cool- but then i get there and just find myself extremely uncomfortable. hope your blues go away soon 🙂

  7. laurasworthlesswords

    Hey there! Thanks so much for your comment on my blog, I really appreciated it :-)., its what led me here, I hope you dont mind!
    Firstly Happy Birthday, I really dont like birthdays but thankfully my family have realised this and dont make a fuss. Your cake did look rather good even if it was almost gone.

    What a beautiful pile of vegetables :-), I just love kitchen gadgets, seriously getting the lakeland catalogue in the post is like the highlight of my month ( ok that is slightly sad to admit), but your peeler definitely looks cool.

    Ohh your present sounds very mysterious, I hope its worth the wait.

    Take care

  8. Happy Belated Birthday! The cake looks yummy. Try to enjoy it!! 🙂

  9. Happy belated birthday. That julienne peeler looks really nice. What brand is it? I’m looking into getting one myself.

  10. Pingback: Titan Peeler & Julienne Tool « The Skinny Plate

  11. Pingback: CSN Stores Product Review, Guess the Mebar, Niece Troubles |

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