Monthly Archives: July 2009

Slow Day

Oh, my goodness… I feel like I am about a thousand years old! My eyes are all but closing. (“Slow day” because I wasn’t fasting, much to my dismay.) So to jump right to some visual stimulation…

I guess I need to have an addendum to my previous review of Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Whole Grain Flourless Golden Flax Cereal… Amidst all of my sacrilege, I tried it with Truvia, cinnamon and blackberries today, and it was much better that way.
IMG_0049

This is the stool upon which I perched until midday today… oh, my goodness. Just three words: my poor butt!! The second the clock hit 1.02, I was back in my regular chair so fast it isn’t even funny. (I still think it’s an utter disgrace that I had to work today…)
IMG_0051

It was INSANELY humid today… even though my hair generally decides frizzing is fun, for some reason, this time it decided to curl up like crazy. Which is preferable, I suppose.
IMG_0052

The sprouts growing under my sink (heh… that doesn’t sound too good!!) aren’t photosynthesized yet, and I wanted sprouts for my Hugh Jass salad, but I’m not about to buy alfalfa sprouts when I’ve got my own! So I went with something different…

deli blend: broccoli, clover, and mustard sprouts... what makes this a "deli blend," i don't know!

deli blend: broccoli, clover, and mustard sprouts... what makes this a "deli blend," i don't know!

I was GOING to toss the salad with barbecue sauce… but for some reason, when I opened the jar, my stomach just turned at the smell. It wasn’t spoiled, or anything… I guess I just wasn’t in the mood. So I went with the old trusty honey dijon vinaigrette… and added some barbecue salad croutons instead!

doesn't get much huger than this... romaine, sprouts, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, protein link, croutons

doesn't get much huger than this... romaine, sprouts, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, protein link, croutons

Some completely random goings-on, AKA, minor verbal vomit… I saw my therapist today, which means I’m a bit drained in the true verbal vomit department! So. I did book my vacation; I’m not staying an extra day, as it turns out, because the price went up overnight and I can’t afford to wait for it to go back down since the coupon code I used expires today. C’est la vie. I can use the money I am “saving” to get a haircut. Which I desperately need.

The proof came from China yesterday, and I approved it, so a sample should be arriving within the next week or so. This never stops being exciting! (I am aware that most of you probably have no idea what I’m talking about… sorry!! I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of broadcasting that explicitly.)

I know there was something else I wanted to write tonight, but my brain is totally fried… I can’t wait to get back the results of my bloodwork (which has yet to even be drawn!), so I can possibly find out what on earth is wrong with me that I’m so exhausted all the time! And on that note, and the feeling that I just spent a lot of words saying absolutely nothing at all, I am going to wish you all a good night and a fabulous Friday.

Lamentations

No need for me to really insert any lamentations of my own, as I will shortly be listening to an entire Book of Lamentations… due to the fact that the fast day to which I referred three weeks ago is tonight / tomorrow. And guess who is being sacrilegious and not fasting?! (Yes, I know the whole “health comes first” thing… but really, I’m not about to drop dead here. My sister-in-law is seven months pregnant and she is fasting!) I am also going to work … which should not be the case, considering I do work for a Jewish institution, but whatever, “they’re cheap,” to quote J. Who is not coming to work. Not that you’ll catch me complaining about that particular detail!

Some pictures, some verbal vomit, and then I get to run off to lament…

kinda creepy

kinda creepy

i was trying for this!

i was trying for this! (slightly less creepy)

banana chocolate blastocrisp jamfrakas bar... best flavor, possibly

banana chocolate blastocrisp jamfrakas bar... best flavor, possibly

inside peek

inside peek

desktop of my computer at work... *sniff*

desktop of my computer at work... *sniff*

met my friend for a salad... romaine, sprouts, water chestnuts, kidney beans, balsamic... they didn't have croutons grrr

met my friend for a salad... romaine, sprouts, water chestnuts, kidney beans, balsamic... they didn't have croutons grrr

sleeping beauty... an adorable little jazz apple

sleeping beauty... an adorable little jazz apple

i fell back into the freezer :/

i fell back into the freezer :/

i'm sure you can identify this by now :p

i'm sure you can identify this by now :p

made milkshakes for my parents and two of my brothers... chocolate, vanilla, strawberry

made milkshakes for my parents and two of my brothers... chocolate, vanilla, strawberry

operation beautiful note!

operation beautiful note!

I stuck this on the mirror in one of the bathrooms at work yesterday… it was gone this morning. Boo if one of the jerk janitors tossed it; yay if some woman took it because it made her happy!
I didn’t get to blog last night (yes, that’s why you felt a deep void in your life ;p) because I spent three hours sitting in my doctor’s office… I didn’t even need to see the doctor, I just wanted the tubes so I could get my blood drawn!! I was about ready to cry with frustration… it is SO rude and disrespectful of care practitioners to disregard their clients’ time that way. When he finally showed up and asked how I was, I said, “Very frustrated.” He said, “We all are.” Um. It’s your fault!! (This isn’t an aberration of the norm; his office always operates this way. Maybe this is why I haven’t been to the doctor in three years!) I told him that if I have high blood pressure, it can be attributed to the aggravation inflicted upon me in his waiting room. Between the stupid blaring DVD and the radio jabbering on and on in the examination room (where I waited for an hour), I was being assaulted with way too much sensory stimuli. Me = not happy. So now I have the tubes, but I need to have them drawn after four fasting hours, which can get tricky. We shall see.
I think I may have sort of figured out my vacation. Not saying anything yet — but I hope it finally straightens out! I just have to decide whether to stay an extra day than I was originally planning to. I’m already spending more than I wanted to, but I’m deluding myself into thinking that it’s a birthday present to myself. (Awfully generous of me… ha.) Wish me luck… or whatever.
Haha — okay, this is TOO ironic. I just took a shower, so I’m sitting here and marvelling over the fact that this body wash really DOES make skin look radiant … my skin seem to have a sparkling sheen to it, which is really rather cool. And I went to find a link to show you all which body wash I meant, and as you can see… it’s been discontinued. Sometimes something is so patently UNfunny that you just have to laugh. I really am going to post a list of things that have been discontinued on me. One day.
Off I go… some ashes and lamentations are calling my name.
Have a lovely Thursday!

Bedtime Story…

I don’t actually really feel like I have anything in particular to say (though I’m sure that once I start blabbing I’m just going to go on and on and on), so I wasn’t going to post tonight … but I am waiting for my hair to dry because I don’t want to go to sleep with it still wet, even though I was awake before 4.00 AM today (um, hooray) and I am feeling sort of unsettled, so here I go…

Nothing very exciting in terms of pictures today.

vanilla milkshakes

vanilla milkshakes

My parents wanted these last night and asked me to make them.  (Because, well, making milkshakes is VERY difficult, yes?)  As I’m scooping out the ice cream, my dad says to me, “You can make three; I’ll treat you.”  Um.  How is he treating me, if I’m the one making them??  I’m probably being way oversensitive and touchy about it, but after a while of hearing such things, it starts to just seem a little cruel.  Anyway.

pillar of provisions

pillar of provisions

C’mon, you didn’t really think I could manage a post without some sort of corny alliteration, did you? … From top to bottom: grilled tofu, raspberries and blackberries, grapes.

my little laboratory

my little laboratory

My mom has taken to calling me The Marine Biologist.  I don’t want to be a marine biologist, and I never did!  But here I find myself juggling test tubes and solutions and trying to balance chemical levels and my eyes are crossing from it already.  And the tank looks so lonely.

IMG_0022

After all is said and done, I paid $1.99 for this … which I didn’t really need, but hey, it was $1.99, so whatever… I didn’t even try it on.  I can’t remember the last time I went to a store and tried on clothes… I either just buy things online from a vendor with whose sizing I am familiar, or I do the same thing with a store and just pick up my size, pay for it, and walk out.  I didn’t get around to trying this until a few hours after I got home.  It fits, I guess; it’s just that, well, it’s not a babydoll.  AKA, it’s more “form-fitting” than I think I am comfortable with.  See Verbal Vomit which is sure to follow.

I am having a really difficult time with getting together some sort of plan for this mini vacation… most of the problem centers around the fact that it’s very hard to get around without a car in Florida.  My current gripe is that it is extremely unfair that if a fifty-year-old were to get a license today, s/he would be able to rent a car next week for less money than I would, because I would have to pay an underage fee, even though I’ve been driving for eight years.  I absolutely refuse to pay an underage fee — it will be less than two weeks before my birthday!!  Even without the underage fee, renting a car is so expensive that it seems silly to spend that money on a car, when I could just spend the same amount and go somewhere more “exciting” than Florida.  This is really stressing me out too much and it is completely unnecessary.  Didn’t I say I need a personal travel agent?!

Verbal Vomit time… sure to be incoherent because I’m all but passing out with exhaustion … I went to get weighed today, of course I looked even though I’m not “supposed” to, and I think I’ve spent up my emotions for the entire week already because I didn’t feel much of anything when I’m pretty sure I saw that I was at my “initial goal” … well, what would have been that, before my nutritionist decided to up it on me.  Makes it kind of hard for me to believe that won’t happen again, but whatever, not the point.  I didn’t feel like jumping out the window… which is progress, I suppose, even though it would have been a wasted feeling since my doctor’s office is at basement level!  My reaction can pretty much be summed up in just one word: Ew.

It’s hard for me to verbalize something when I’m not really quite sure what it is that I’m trying to say.  I know it sounds like I’m resistant to the whole process, but that isn’t it; I really do want to get this monster out of my life.  (I don’t want to get fatter than an elephant in the process, but I’m trying — despite what I believe to be all evidence to the contrary — to tell myself that it’s just my mind playing tricks on me and that I can’t logically be fat!!  Hoping that if I keep banging my head against the wall with it, maybe eventually some of it will seep in.)  There just seems to be some sort of contrarian aspect to my personality that makes it impossibly difficult to admit that to anyone… which is why I would almost rather poke my own eyes out than concede that gaining weight is “progress.”  That, and the fact that almost for as long as I can remember, I viewed food / eating the same way that most people view sex (well, that probably isn’t true anymore, but once upon a time, people weren’t such exhibitionists about it!): it is shameful and “dirty” and should be kept a closely-guarded secret.  I have no idea what on earth put this notion into my head, but clearly, something did… and it gives poking my own eyeballs out heavy competition: I’ll either do that, or drop to my death of humiliation.  This is probably why my nutritionist is constantly telling me that it isn’t “you vs. us” … I know that, logically, we are on “the same side,” but for some reason even I can’t fathom, it feels like admitting that is the most embarrassing thing I could ever possibly do to myself.  (Well, almost.  There are a few things I can think of that would top that, but I think I’ll pass on sharing those!)

On a side note, I was right.  I felt like I was gaining weight, and I did.  So nice to know that I wasn’t imagining it.  But I just have to say?  It is not pleasant.

And on that cheerful note, I will finally shut up and wish you all a very lovely Tuesday.

Keep telling self: It is for your health and your life.  Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Murderer, Part II

tank
I am still pretty upset, obviously.  On a cognitive level, I know — and I always did know — that I am not a god, and there probably wasn’t anything I could have done to prevent what happened.  But the key word here is probably.  To explain: I woke up this morning, and as I was getting into the shower (a grand total of five minutes after I got out of bed), I thought, I need a nap.  This was immediately followed by, Hmm… that’s not good.  I took my shower, did some stuff around my room, went upstairs to the roof to water my lettuce seedlings, and then went downstairs.  Normally, the first thing I’d do is feed the fish.  The water was horribly cloudy — I didn’t know why, but it has happened before, and it’s just a combination of treating it and riding it out, which I had been doing.  But even through the murk, I was able to see the fish floating belly-up.  It would have been kind of hard to miss — they were big.  And it’s not like I’d just brought them home yesterday… I’ve had some of these fish for months, a couple of them for even over a year, and they were my “fighters” … the ones that managed to survive through infections and whatever.  It sounds silly to be waxing over fish like this, but it really upset me.  So much so that I just couldn’t bear to take them out.  I knew I would have to do it, because nobody else would, but I didn’t want to… I guess because then I’d have to acknowledge that they really WERE dead, and it wasn’t all in my imagination.

I ran through my (very short!) list of people I theoretically could call “for support.”  Hello, it’s Sunday morning, I’m not going to bug someone with my craziness.  Get on with it.

My dad came home as I was scooping them out.  He asked what happened.  I told him a better question would probably be who’s not dead.  (For the record: three catfish, two painted tetras, and a kissing gourami.  Which means two silver dollars, two painted tetras, two bleeding heart tetras, a tri-color shark, a tiger barb, and a Bolivian ram all died.  In one night.)  I already felt crappy enough about it, and he just started going on and on about how it was obvious that something was wrong (the cloudy water), and I should have done something about it, yadda yadda yadda… I told him that I already felt bad enough, and if it really was all my fault, maybe I should just give it up altogether.  To which he responded that someone with my personality should not be doing such things, if this is how I’m going to react to it… when really, I wasn’t so much reacting to the epidemic in the aquarium as his reaction to it.  He accused me of trying to guilt-trip him, though I’m not sure how I did that.  All I wanted was for someone to reassure me that it wasn’t all my fault, because there was a part of me that thought it wasn’t, and a part of me that thought it was.  Unfortunately for me, he chose to reinforce the latter.

I went to the pet shop.  I took a water sample.  Obviously, it was majorly messed up.  They tried to send me on my merry way, but I became a stubborn nag and refused to leave until they told me what to do about it.  And it goes without saying that I didn’t get another algae eater… what’s the point if it will just die right away?  Now I’ll have to cycle for a week and if it’s sorted out by next Friday, maybe I can think about getting a couple of other fish.  Maybe.

I also did some supermarket shopping… because cherries were on major sale, and I had none left.  Tragic.

IMG_0012

This is just some of the haul… plums, red grapes, cherries, blackberries, canned green beans, multigrain squares, and wheat berries.  Huh.  All of the fruit I bought is red.  Well, not the plums, technically… they’re “black plums,” which I hope means they’re red on the inside, because I don’t like the yellow ones!  I think I’m going to make someone taste-test them first.

I must say that waking up to a tank full of mostly dead fish can really do a number on one’s appetite.  It really sucks that I can’t trust what I’m feeling and have to stuff food in my face anyway.  It was extremely tempting to just throw a frozen meal in the microwave, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, because frozen meals are “safe” to me… I mean, they aren’t inherently bad at all, and they’re wonderfully convenient; it’s just that because of the way I came to eat them in the first place, that’s what I associate them with.  Anyway.  I had an acorn squash lying around, so I microwaved it with some cinnamon… I wasn’t going to use any cinnamon, because generally, I think squash is sweet enough on its own.

IMG_0013

This one was a disappointment.  Even with the cinnamon, it tasted bland!  Maybe it’s just the mood that I’m in, but this wasn’t anywhere near as good as I know squash can be.

But I rallied and trudged onward to try out the wheat berries, which I had never had before.  Generally, the first time I taste something, I like to keep it as simple as possible so I can tell whether or not I like that particular food, rather than whatever it’s paired with.

IMG_0018

I always thought canned vegetables last forever.  Apparently not.  Hence the zucchini in tomato sauce accompanying the wheat berries… which, by the way, I loved.  I tried a spoonful of it plain before I mixed it in with the zucchini and tomato sauce, and it didn’t really taste like much of anything… it was a little bit reminiscent of barley or kasha, but it didn’t have its own distinctive flavor.  What really makes it stand out to me is the texture.  It’s fabulously chewy, but a bit crunchy at the same time… it’s  hard to explain, so just go buy some!

And I promised a review of the Peanut Butter & Jelly Larabar.

 

i didn't like this part.

i didn't like this part.

Okay, it wasn’t actually ME who didn’t like that part; it was the ED part of me.  But ignoring that, this was awesome, and that is the only word I can think of to describe it … when you open the package, it smells just like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it tastes just like one, too.  What I think I loved most of all is that there aren’t any almonds in it!  Yes, there are pieces of peanuts, and I’d love it even more if they weren’t there, but that didn’t detract from this bar’s, well, awesomeness.  If you’re searching high and low for it, let me tell you… it is worth the wait.

Randomness … Snapple “Real Fact” #845: A lemon contains more sugar than a strawberry.  Oddly fascinating.  And also untrue, if my research is correct.

Anyway, I’m off to bemoan the fact that the weekend is over, and to do yet another water change.  Have a fabulous Sunday night and an even better Monday!

Murderer

My aquarium population is all but decimated.  The algae eater didn’t even last ten hours, and the majority of the others were dead this morning.  I am the worst pet owner who ever existed; I cannot, and should never, be entrusted with any living thing.  All I do is kill them.

It probably seems like I am overreacting and catastrophizing.  Maybe I am.  But it must be the straw that just might break the camel’s back, because I am thisclose to losing it.  Whatever “it” is.

“Bamboo makes up 99% of a panda’s diet.”

…I wonder what comprises the other 1%… water??

First things first, to get important business out of the way.  Look what I found!! 

 

PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY LARABAR!!

PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY LARABAR!!

The calorie count on this is higher than I’d like, but considering that I’ve been going to Whole Foods practically daily for the past month to find this, I think I can manage to overlook it for the moment.  Review to follow once I’ve tried it!  I was very disappointed to see that the German Chocolate Cake Jocalat has coconut in it, though… I knew the Tropical Fruit Tart did, but not the German Chocolate Cake!  I think I prefer Jocalat over regular Larabars… oh well, plain old chocolate will do.  :p 

 

vanilla yogurt, fiber one, skippy natural pb
vanilla yogurt, fiber one, skippy natural pb

 

Maybe it’s me, but I can’t seem to mix peanut butter into anything.  I warmed it in the microwave beforehand, and while that did give it a more “melty” texture, it did not become drippy enough for me to really swirl it into anything!!  I guess this is where PB2 would come in handy… but unless someone wants to make a donation to the worthy cause ;), that isn’t happening, because I don’t want to buy four jars of it before I’ve even tried it.  Any tips on how to stir peanut butter into something else??

 

waffles with chocolate syrup and banana

waffles with chocolate syrup and banana

Note to self: in the future, heat up waffles in the microwave, as the toaster oven makes them impossibly crispy.  How do you heat your frozen waffles?
 
I went on a trip to the pet store… a very irritating trip due to traffic!  The more I drive / take public transportation, the more I am convinced that the best way of getting from point A to point B is with your own two feet… anyway, the ammonia level was fine, which I guess means whatever I did worked.  So I got another algae eater (on the right), plus a little catfish (on the left, in the bottom corner of the bag) to replace the one that died last week.  Plus a whole bunch of filter inserts and random assorted crap… this is why we call the fish “little tax deductions”!
IMG_0006

In other not-so-exciting news today, I got into a little collision.  Not a big deal, both of our cars were fine, not even a scratch… which is especially great because I don’t care to share this little incident with my parents, and if the car was damaged, I’d have to do that, considering that it is their car, and all.  But somehow this turns into a session of “I am an idiot” … there are lots and lots and lots of people out there behind the wheel who definitely should not be driving.  Maybe I’m one of them!  So what if I don’t insist on going twenty-five miles per hour over the speed limit and cutting people off left, right, and center?  If the end result is the same, does it really matter??  (Of course, none of this self-recrimination means I’m going to stop driving.  I don’t really think I’m a danger on the road, which is the only thing that would make me give it up… I just feel like an idiot, is all.)
 
I was telling one of my co-workers about what happened to me on the subway platform the other day, and he wanted to know A) if she punched me in the face and B) if I hit her back.  I said that no, she didn’t, because if she had, I wouldn’t care if she’s twenty or thirty years older than I am — I definitely would have hit her back.  I mean, way back when I took martial arts classes, it was with the intent of self-defense, and this doesn’t exactly qualify because I hardly view a rabid spinster as a threat to my physical well-being… but I’m sorry, I am NOT okay with random morons assaulting me!!
 
Good thing about today: for some inexplicable reason, the air conditioning was off in my office.  The hallways were frigid.  My office temperature was close to perfect.  The bad thing about today: I was so exhausted that I was practically dizzy from it, and if the end of the day hadn’t come when it did I just may have passed out!!  This is not a joke, I really have to do something about it…
 
Staying in bed until noon tomorrow sounds about right.
 
I really must finalize my vacation plans very soon, because J is leaving at the end of next week (YAY!!), and I need him to sign off on my vacation days first.  I really, really, really, really hate planning things… the logistics drive me batty.  I need my own personal travel agent!!
 
Have a great weekend, everyone!

I’m the perfect little punching bag…

I like Pink.  All the same, it’s a little annoying to have the lyrics of Please Don’t Leave Me running through my head… “I forgot to say out loud / How beautiful you really are to me /I cannot be without / You’re my perfect little punching bag.”  But.  This has got me rather upset.  I can understand how someone with whom you are acquainted can take advantage of you, because they know all of your weaknesses.  But really… what is it about me that invites abuse from perfect strangers?!  First there was the umbrella incident a couple of days ago; then today happened.

As a preface, I have to say that I am one of the only people I know who actually stands aside to let other people off the train before I board it; I am also one of the only people I know who gets off the train to let other people behind me get off… which usually results in the people on the platform crowding in ahead of me, leaving no room for me to get back on, even though I was on there first!  In any case… that’s probably why this upset me as much as it did.  Even though being assaulted like this is never much fun!  I was standing to the side of the train doors, and when they opened, this grouchy old spinster (well, if she isn’t a spinster, I feel sorry for her husband!) started screaming at me, “Don’t even think of getting on the train, let other people off first, have some decency!!”  I was just staring at her because I had no idea what on earth I had done to provoke such an outburst, and I suppose she didn’t like the way I was looking at her, because guess what happened next?  Yup.  She hit me.  Seriously.  Don’t go preaching to me about decency and immediately follow that speech by physically abusing a total stranger!!  Do I have a sign on my forehead reading “ABUSE ME”???

Anyway.  Enough of that.

The eyeshadow I procured yesterday is apparently “crystal ball.”  It looks pretty much like most of the eyeshadows I already own…

IMG_0033

I really should branch out more.  Whatever.

earrings!  surprise. 

earrings! surprise.

You know that stereotype about the preteen who leaves for school with lip gloss surreptitiously stuffed in her backpack so that she can apply it in the bathroom there and wipe it off before she gets home, lest her mom find out?  Yeah, here’s a modern-day spin on that.

I wore this babydoll top today:
IMG_0036
…but I came home looking like this:
IMG_0031
All to keep my mom off my case.  How sad is that??  I have to resort to preteen subterfuge to avoid being harrassed about what I wear.  Extremely irritating.
 
Also extremely irritating was the temperature in my office today.  It.  Was.  FREEZING!!  Figures that that would happen on an already-cold day, doesn’t it?  But I suppose the icicles forming on my fingertips were the only thing keeping me awake, so it’s not entirely bad, right?  (Okay, that was a stretch.  But I’m trying!!)
 
In other sad news, my algae eater died.  The one I just got a couple of weeks ago to replace the other dead one!  Guess it’s a trip to the pet shop tomorrow… and I’m going to bring them a water sample, even though I know what it will say, because I tested it myself and the ammonia level is insanely high.  Almost as high as my hackles (does that even make sense?!) when my dad starts telling me that if I’m taking care of the tank, I should know how to fix such things.  What does he expect me to do, say some sort of magic incantations over it?!  I can only do what I can do; I put in the appropriate chemicals, and if it doesn’t do the trick, I can’t help it!!  I just feel bad for these fish that are probably being chemically burned to death.  😦  Geesh.  I can’t even take care of fish properly; never mind people!!
 
Random food photo of my usual Hugh Jass salad (romaine, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, veggie protein link), which I seem to eat every Thursday … though with Italian dressing this time, instead of honey dijon.
IMG_0040
 
Here is a reason why I am slow in the short-bus kind of way… I did not realize at all that I was depicting a BAR FIGHT in my last post!  Had I noticed it, I would have included a few overturned beers.  Oh well.  And while I’m already boasting about how dense and oblivious I can be, I just realized a few months ago that “K-9” units are so called because they are “CANINES.”  I mean, really… how much more obtuse could I possibly get?!
 
Snapple “Real Fact” #847: Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia.  I thought tea grew in leaves… oh, I am too tired to research this at present!
 
Tomorrow is my least favorite day of the week… but it brings an end to the drudgery, for a couple of days at least.  Have a fantastic Friday!  (And that alliteration was totally coincidental.  I am apparently a natural nut.  See, I did it again!!!)