Fugly Friday

The title of the post says it all. So I guess that means you don’t have to “hear” me whine. Again.  You can read through the entire post, or you can just skip straight to the end for some medium-exciting news.

Days like today are the reason why I carry around a claw clip in my bag. My hair looks halfway decent when I walk out the door, and then the humidity works its magic and I look like I stepped right out of the 1970s. Back you go!

 

flowers...

flowers...

Sorry about the crazy angle! … but this is the side of the skirt I wore today (it’s what I see when I look down).  And to be truly matchy-matchy…

 

flowers!!

flowers!!

Oy.

Actually — I lied. I am going to whine. But feel free to skip the next (extremely long rambling) paragraph to avoid it.

I have an inability to cry. I used to think this was a bad thing, but right now I’m not so sure, because if I could cry, I would probably be doing it nonstop. Not a very good look for me — neither in mental nor physical terms. I’m not even 100% sure why I feel that way; it’s probably cumulative, and I’m just overwhelmed. I could kind of sense it building up, but really don’t know what to do in the face of that to “stave it off” (though by no means foolproof, restricting is the practically only thing that ever made even a slight difference). I guess the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I opened the refrigerator this morning — a feat of epic proportions, given my mom’s tendency to cook for an army because we have a few extra people here. Even though I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a binge, I still go into a panic around such huge quantities of food because I don’t take the lack of a previous occurrence as any indication that something will never happen. So I was feeling “shaky” to start with, and seeing that didn’t exactly help matters much. (Around here is where the potential waterworks would have started, I’m guessing.) Once something sets me off, forget it… say hello to freaking out / obsessing over everything and anything under the sun. And of course, it all manages to centralize itself on my body! In which, it must be said, I feel most distinctly uncomfortable at the moment. I was so tempted to get on the scale this morning, intending to “prove” to myself that I’ve not become as big of a whale as I am supposing; but the horror of realizing that this is actually true kept me from doing it. Nor do I want to get on my doctor’s scale next week. I don’t think I need this “verified,” really; I know I’ve gained weight, I can feel it, and I don’t need it rubbed in my face that I’ve gained way too much too fast. Denial much?? And it is just embarrassing. I can’t even get into why. There just are no words.

There are, however, plenty of words I could spew forth on the topic of my cousins.  They are rapidly depleting my stash of cereal (though of course not the ones I’m trying to get rid of; no, they only plow through the stuff I actually like) and bars, among other things.  I suppose it doesn’t really matter if they eat all my food, because I certainly don’t feel like I can if they’re crawling all over me.  It’s not much fun to have to escape to my room to eat, but I guess I have only myself to blame for that because I’m so paranoid and crazy.

So for the medium-exciting news… As this is my 95th post, I figured to start the “celebration” of 100 a little early with a mini giveaway, the winner of which will be announced in the 100th post. 

 

Justin's honey almond butter, shell earrings

Justin's honey almond butter, shell earrings

 

A squeeze pack of Justin’s honey almond butter… and this is me, so of course I have to include a pair of earrings in there!  Since it will be July when the winner receives this, if you don’t mind a “best by” date of June 2009, I can also throw in a couple of Larabars.  (Provided my cousins haven’t cleaned me out completely by then, of course.)  And to keep the element of surprise alive for whoever wins, I may or may not throw something else in there too.  In fact, it’s such a surprise that even I don’t know what it might be.  :p

You know how to enter… either leave a comment or link back; doing both gets you two entries.  If you can correctly guess why the giveaway consists of what it does, you get a bonus entry.  (But I’m probably the only crazy person to whom it makes any sense!)

Have a beautiful weekend… what are you looking forward to doing with it?  Personally, I’m thrilled to bits that I can finally drink my diet Snapple with a straw again, but evidenly I am too easily pleased in some areas.

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12 responses to “Fugly Friday

  1. Whine away my dear! We all have weeks like this. For me it accumulates and finally I just have a BIG cry to let it all out! Everything does get overwhelming at times. Didn’t realize you were an earrings person too! You should see my stash. Earring, headbands, and shoes are my loves 🙂

    I’m looking forward to tomorrow night b/c my friend is getting married in Dallas to a great guy for her! I bought a new dress today and I can’t wait to get my dance on! Have a wonderful weekend love 🙂

  2. <333333333
    I totally get that "overwhelmed" feeling, it needs a release and that differs in everyone. I am the same in that I don't cry, I obsess too and sometimes that ends up in that "fuckitol" thing. Definitely not ok, but we all learn slowly the best way for us to handle it. I'm still hoping to figure it out if it makes ya feel any better 😛

    I'm sorry about the invasion of the cousins! It sounds like a lot when you could use a moment of peace. I hope you can find a time away (and you're not paranoid or crazy! If it's better for you to get away to eat then do it 🙂 )

    I hope the rest of your weekend goes smoothly
    ❤ Jenn

  3. Gosh, it annoys the heck out of me when people just dig through my food. I once bought some yogurt, and my roommate just finished them all without even asking. I bought more yogurts, the next day, gone. Then I bought some OTHER kind of yogurt for HER and MY kind of yogurt for ME, and she ate the yogurt that I like, and left the other one alone. Figures.
    I’m different from you. I’m like a broken faucet. I cry really easily.

  4. I don’t cry either. Its weird. I think my tear ducts are defective.

    I’m sorry to hear about the cereal situation – I hate it when people just dig/eat my food. Grrr. I hope you can get some space soon!

    I linked back here. 🙂

    Love you,
    Emma

  5. can you keep your food in your room?..

    I am not doing anything exciting this weekend due to 3-month-verdue-bloat (lol), and kind of immobile 😦

  6. rediscoveringlauren

    Hi hun,
    stash the bars in your room 🙂 thats what i do haha!
    i never used to be able to cry, but now i cry all the time ( well not all the time obv. but you know what i mean..whenever i feel the need to) its definetely an emotional release for me!
    have a great weekend girlie
    xxx

  7. Sweetie,

    This is YOUR blog. “Whine” away! We are all hear to support you and help you out however we can.

    You could always put a little sticky note saying “I lick my food” on top…

    That’s what my mom did in college.

    With Love,

    Emily

  8. I can’t cry either, it is frustrating. I don’t think I’m physically incapable of it, it’s just that whenever I get close to crying I get so anxious that I push it away, despite my best efforts not to! Bah, brains are weird.
    Gained too much too fast by whose standards? I don’t mean to be obnoxious :p I just can’t imagine any of the professionals involved in your treatment or anyone who cares about you thinking that you were gaining weight too quickly or wanting to rub it in your face. Anyway, even if you did gain a couple of pounds it slows down a lot after the first week. I know logic doesn’t really work well on eating disorders, but I hope you’re not too hard on yourself before/after your appointment with your doctor ❤
    I would strangle your cousins, seriously. Could you keep the food in your room? I hoard like crazy :p
    Don't enter me into your giveaway, I'm allergic to almonds – I just wanted to leave a comment anyway 🙂

  9. Really, just say what you want! This is your place to live and explode all you want! Don’t worry about not being able to cry… if it happens, it happens. I don’t cry unless there’s something REALLY on me.

    Stashing your goods that you don’t want anyone to take in your room is a fabulous idea. I do it too! Please don’t stop eating your goodies because you feel like you’ve gained too much too fast! You probably really haven’t… soon enough I bet your body will slow down with the weight gain, if not stop and you will have to add even more eats to start the gaining process again! Remember your purpose is to gain! There’s NO shame in it! NEVER be ashamed of it! You know better than that! YOU ARE better than the dumb numbers on the scale!

    Congrats on your soon to be 100th post! Did it come faster than expected? I hope it’s been all you have needed it to be! You should write about how much you feel you’ve grown, or some great things you’ve learned since joining the blogging community! Hmmm, do the prizes have anything to do with your loves in life? Earrings, AB, and Bars? Well, here’s my comment, there’s my guess, and I’ve linked! Thanks babe! I’ve never tried larabars or Justin’s!

    I hope things perk up a little! Try and enjoy the kids! Sometimes they are the people who can bring us the greatest light! We may just need to adjust our attitude a little (I know I have had a harder time around kids since falling into disordered eating and an unhealthy body which in turn created a warped mind).

  10. I’d say you want to go to the Beach for some relaxation!! 🙂

  11. I can’t cry either. Or laugh. Sorry about your cousins by the way! I enjoy your blog!

  12. Oh, what a lovely giveaway for the lucky winner:)
    Hope you’re already feeling any better. There are moments like this but you know that the sun is going to shine afterwards!
    Love, Damjana

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