How I Hate My Mom

Okay, “hate” is a bit of a strong word. Though it’s not actually all bad, considering, since I’m an ardent believer in the theory that you cannot actually hate someone if you don’t love them first, because otherwise, the hate is a wasted sentiment. Anyway.

I mentioned last week that I stupidly bought a computer monitor instead of a TV monitor for the Wii … and I wanted to go exchange it tonight, but my mom went off on me about how we’re not getting a TV screen for the Wii until someone gives me “permission” to use it. (Which ensued in a fantastic argument between us, of which I will spare you the details.) Now, I did discuss this with my therapist, and we basically arrived at the conclusion that I am an adult and should be allowed to make such decisions on my own… as in, if I feel that a Wii could be detrimental to me in any way, I should be able to take responsibility for my own actions and do something about that. For the record, I never really had a problem with overexercising. Compulsive, yes, but that’s another issue entirely. In any case, trying to tell my mom that I would like to be treated like an adult? Yeah, kind of like talking to a brick wall. I am just so frustrated with her, which spills over into a general fury at the economy which is making it so impossible for me to move out, which somehow gets turned back into a general fury at myself because … gee, I don’t know, I’m not a millionaire!

She has absolutely impeccable timing, too… oh, sure, it could just be coincidence, but it seems that she always starts haranguing me either right before or right after I’ve eaten. (Hmmm… might this be because I’m always eating?!) You know the whole classical conditioning model theory?… Yeah, in that vein, this generally does not equate eating with a pleasurable experience.

That said, she and I set out way too early on a Sunday morning to go to the conference. It was really geared more toward “professionals,” which made me really wonder why I was there at all! In a totally unrelated side note, I saw my undergraduate Eating Disorders professor, Mr. Family Therapist, and my social worker from IP, among other random assorted people.

I’m really bad at summarizing and recapping — I can answer specific questions, but general overviews? Not really my forte! Basically, I found it somewhat disappointing. I mean, it’s really great that they’re trying, I guess… but it still seems to me like something is missing. They’re just not really getting it. At one of the workshops I attended, the moderator (someone who is supposed to be at the forefront of the field!!) said something so incredibly stupid… the pathetic part is that I have absolutely no recollection of what it was, I just remember thinking, Please tell me she did NOT just say that. I wound up leaving a little early, because I just couldn’t take it anymore… I felt like I was sitting there and listening to the same things I’d been hearing for years, and clearly none of it was enough to make a difference.


“Music speaks what cannot be expressed / Soothes the mind and gives it rest / Heals the heart and makes it whole / Flows from heaven to the soul

I am about a third of the way through Lady Chatterley’s Lover, because I think it is an utter disgrace that I’ve never read it. I’m generally not a big romance novel reader… even my “chick lit” tends to veer away from the heavily romantic. But I did make one observation about all of these chick lit novels… the heroines always have a tightly-knit group of close friends who act as an adopted family, substituting for the crazy blood relatives. Am I living on another planet? Or do people out there really experience friendships / relationships in that way?? Now I feel like I’m missing out on both ends, here…

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7 responses to “How I Hate My Mom

  1. moretolifethanlettuce

    Hiya! Just caught up on all of your posts that I've missed lately….sorry you're having some trouble with your mom, but I know you can push through and focus on getting better no matter what she says/does! Glad your new swimsuit came and that you survived the arctic conditions the other night! ❤

  2. rediscoveringlauren

    hi hun
    sorry your having trouble with your mum 😦 but you can and will defo get better no matter what she thinks!
    xxxx

  3. hey babe! So sorry that you are having difficulties with your mom and the Wii. I totally understand, because my mom was very difficult during my recovery too. But you just need to do your own thing and not listen to anyone else. This is YOUR recovery, no one elses, and you know what is best for you!

    Hope your having a great day hun! ❤

  4. It's really tough when you feel like you don't have someone to rely on, especially your own family. But, I REALLY suggest trying to make an effort to get your mom on your side. Family members should be the most important relationships in our lives. This may be difficult, but I suggest you seriously look your mom in the eye and tell her that you need to talk to her. Sit down with her and genuinely tell her that you really need her on your side right now, and what she's doing as far as trying to make decisions for you isn't helping. Tell her you love her, and hate having things feelings of anger towards her. You want to get better and you need all the best kind of positive support out there. Wow, this is getting long, I apologize! I hope everything works out for you girl! I really think you deserve all the best in your relationships and life… it just doesn't come easy sometimes!

    p.s you always got a friend in me chica!

    Keri

  5. hey! new reader. ive been seeing your comments on other blogs and i clicked over 🙂

    im not a stalker i swear!! (haha)

    anyways, ive been reading past posts, and im sorry you are having issues with your mom. keep your head up because im sure all the conflict between you all stems from the fact that she loves you. even if its hard to see.

    ps do you live in nyc? i saw the metro paper in the background of one of your pics.

  6. whether it's compulsive or excessive, you're picking straws…point is, you live under her roof and she is watching you make what she deems to be unhealthy choices so of COURSE she is going to say something. And as with most mothers, not at the most appropriate times or in the most helpful ways, but that's moms for you. I agree that you are an adult and are capable of making choices, but am guessing that she feels a level of responsibility as your mother whether you are 5 or 25.

    sorry the conference was so lame (lol- it WAS Renfrew so that could have been the first hint 😛 ) I am curious now though- which social worker? I 'bumped' into one when I was admitted to Cornell and she was then working there. Kind of…awkward.

    I never know how to end my comments to you- see you on Facebook/blogosphere later? 😛

  7. I'm can totally empathize with you on the whole 'being treated like a kid' thing. Ok, I'm a bit younger than you, but I'm now living on my own, far away from home, and doing very well, as far as I can tell. Yet, the second my mom visits me here in NY, or whenever I go back to Toronto, (I will not apologize for being Canadian :)..) my mom jumps all over me for everything that she thinks I'm doing wrong. Living alone means that I can do what I want when I want. For example, going out at 1 am, and coming back at 4 or 5. When I come home, if I leave the house after midnight, I take out my cell right away because I know my mom will be calling within 30 seconds of the door closing. Talk about pain in the neck! But as Ellie stated so eloquently mothers feel 'a level of responsibility as your mother whether you are 5 or 25.'

    I finally stuck it to both of my parents though. I was in NY at the time and was getting royally annoyed at the condescending fashion with which my parents were talking to me in, so I said 'enough.' I then calmly explained that being that I've come this far, the time came for them to 'let me grow up.' Let me be an adult and not the child you still firmly believe me to be. They didn't like hearing that. My mom used the nauseating cliche 'you'll always be my baby.' I gagged. But they accepted it, and things are a lot better between us.

    Personally, as much as I enjoy writing, I find that these types of topics are best dealt with face-to-face. But then again, from what it sounds like, your face-to-face discussions aren't going very well with your mom. Maybe a letter would do the trick. I've done it in the past when I felt that explaining in person wouldn't do the trick, and it worked. Give it a shot. It can't hurt.

    Good luck!

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