Another Week…

Thank you for the sweet comments on my last post… I’m really not sure what to do with that cloud, which seems to just come and go at random. I hate even mentioning it to my therapist because I know she’ll just tell me to go on meds, and, well… I don’t want to. I just wanted to clarify something about that post, because I seem to have sent out the wrong message! When I said that being underweight gives me a “goal,” I didn’t mean that the goal is to be a low weight; I meant that if I’m underweight, I’m in the position of having to gain weight. The paradox is that actually doing so eliminates that goal.

Why is it that eating is such a mortifying activity? (Yes, everyone does it; but come to think of it, everyone goes to the bathroom, too, and that’s not something you’d want to do in public!) I have a co-worker who is always coming up behind me unexpectedly, which just about gives me a heart attack under any circumstances. But today she did it when I was eating a bar at my desk, and I practically died of embarrassment. She just gave a little laugh and said, “Sorry,” which of course made it worse, because in my paranoia I can manage to convince myself that she’s laughing at me because I’m, well, being a glutton?? I know I’m being ridiculous, I guess, but I can’t seem to help the way I feel about it!

Today I had the test for which my urologist sent me. It was… uncomfortable. I will spare you the TMI details… let’s just leave it at that. The technician said everything looks fine to her… which is good, I guess, but that really doesn’t explain anything at all!!

Two reasons why I am an idiot, because I just love to amuse people with my stupidity:

1. Our car has keyless entry. I hate that… if you have a key in the ignition, when you get out of the car, you have to turn off the ignition to take the key with you. But if it’s keyless, you already have the “key” in your pocket or wherever, so you don’t have to turn off the ignition. Which is what I did yesterday. I parked the car, went into a store, and came back ten minutes later to find that surprise, surprise, my engine is running. My dad would have an apopleptic fit if he knew. It isn’t like anyone could have driven off with it, because I had the “key,” but still. How dumb can you get?!

2. We bought a Wii and a Wii Fit ages ago… then it was Pesach, so my mom decided life goes on the back burner until after that. And then she hurt her knee and then she got sick… anyway, we’re finally just getting around to setting it up. I went to buy a monitor yesterday. I am such a genius that I got a computer monitor. Which, clearly, is not compatible with a Wii.

Speaking of the Wii, my technologically-challenged mom is apparently incapable of grasping the concept that the Wii is a gaming system. To her, it’s just the Wii Fit, which is for weight loss, and so she told me I’m not allowed to use the Wii unless I get “approval” from my nutritionist / therapist. Hi, I’m CDC, I’m three years old! How are you?

In other exciting news, this is what I did not do today.

Some of what I did do today:

Berries! I took a pretty little Rubbermaid container of blackberries and raspberries to work with me … it’s a pain to carry all this stuff around, but it’s nice to have fresh berries during the day.

A new product… So Delicious Minis fruit bars (which may or may not have melted slightly on the way home from Whole Foods!):

In my brilliance, I kind of forgot when I purchased this that I don’t particularly care for passion fruit. But it tastes more like orange than anything else; the passion fruit is very very subtle. I’ve actually yet to find a So Delicious frozen bar that isn’t good!

And a little experiment. I made a “meat” loaf … using TVP! I love that stuff… it’s so incredibly versatile, and it’s not loaded with sodium like most vegatarian “meat crumbles.”

To chill out / finish the blueberry pie filling I made for my cheesecake, I baked a cake…

…and then I read People while it was in the oven. Total intellectual stimulation. Whoo!

Molly at POM Wonderful sent me a case of 100% pomegranate juice to try… fear of / aversion to liquid calories notwithstanding, I do want to give this a shot! And my dad is especially excited to try it. 😉 Review to follow!

Oh, yeah, it’s June. Slipped my mind because it was 49 degrees when I left my house this morning! BRRRRRR!! And I got my paycheck, which I deposited in my checking account, and in ten days I am going to give all of it — that’s right, every last cent — to the oral surgeon. On a related note, would someone please explain to me how this is fair: I pay through the nose for my health insurance. Yet I have to walk around in pain unless I want to go to a podiatrist and have him take care of this stupid callous every few weeks… which I don’t do because it gets kind of expensive. Yet someone on Medicaid, who does not pay for insurance (because I am paying for their insurance as well as mine!), can go to a podiatrist for free and walk around without any pain whatsoever!! I’m just missing the logic, is all.


8 responses to “Another Week…

  1. YAY for not weighing yourself! Woot!

    I can assure you NO ONE thinks you’re being a glutton! 😉

  2. I agree with ohsoravenous. It’s perfectly normal to eat WHENEVER you’re hungry!

    I like that meatloaf idea. I have TVP around but have no idea what to do with it. Did you just season it and bake it?



  3. I totally know where you are coming from about your boss walking up while you were eating. I am always paranoid about eating in front of other people too. I try to tell myself that it is just me, and no one else really cares what/when i eat.

    Yay for not using that damn scale today. That is def. another challenge for me!

    Hope your day is well dear!

  4. Shannon -

    nice work not using the scale! we can’t let a hunk of metal rule our lives!

  5. lilveggiepatch

    HOORAY for staying off that scale! I’m proud of you, girly.

    I don’t remember being much of a meatloaf fan when I ate meat, but veggie loaf sounds so good. I’ll have to try it!

  6. I think most people with eating disorders have an aversion to being seen to eat – I can cope with people being in the same room but I get all upset if I feel watched. I’m sure your boss didn’t judge you though, it is all in our heads, grrr. Well done for staying off the scale 🙂 yay! Stupid things they are too.

  7. thenoviceberker

    Aww, I chuckled a little at the Wii story. Haha. 😦 Good job keeping away from that ol’ scale! And blueberry coffee cake is probably the most delicious thing in the world. Mmm, with a cup of cold milk? Heaven!!

  8. part of eating is social activity! so eating in front of people = perfectly normal. She only said “sorry” because she gave you a scare.
    and lol!! you always make me laugh, you’re so witty! you’re def NOT stupid, my dear!
    and congrats on not weighing! that’s a huge step!
    have fun experimenting with the POM…it should be fun!

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