Study Break

Never thought I’d live to see the day when I actually wanted the weekend to be over, but in forty-eight hours from now, I will be done with all of my finals. I am so damn sick of looking at words that I need to basically memorize… especially when that is the stupidest learning device ever. I mean, really. It’s so untrue to life, because if a situation cropped up in which I desperately needed to know something I didn’t know, I would just look it up!! So incredibly annoying.

Anyway, I really do need to be studying, but I needed to have a little vent session, here. My mom apprised me of this latest development last night. Am I wrong in being upset about this? Well, not the existence of this per se, but that she’s doing all of this “researching” essentially behind my back?

First of all, she knows how I feel about Renfrew. No disrespect intended towards those for whom it has worked, but I think that they are one of the biggest revolving doors out there. Solely for financial reasons, of course; as in, hey, more patients means more money for us! And their fees are astronomical. There is no way in hell I could afford that, even if I wanted to, which means it’s a good thing that I don’t.

My parents would offer to pay for it, because they would feel that it’s the “thing to do.” I’m not saying they don’t care, or they don’t mean it. But I am determined to never, ever accept money from them. Especially not for treatment. This should be my recovery. Which means I have to own all aspects of it. And really, this is all quite ridiculous. I might be able to understand a little better if I was at death’s door or something, but I’m not. And I have no plans to be! As it is, I just feel… violated.

She also mentioned this conference, and asked if I am “considered” a student, because then I can pay the student rate. Um… I am a student!! But did I ever say I wanted to go?! It drives me insane that she presumes to know these things about me without even asking.

Okay. I really need to process this. But I suppose it will have to wait a couple of days, because I must get back to the books. Ugh!! I am still feeling overwhelmed from an information overload, but now I think I also feel tired. Not in a “sleep-or-else” way, more like a “can’t-take-any-more-of-this” way!

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4 responses to “Study Break

  1. CDC,

    I’m sorry this is so tough for you sweetie. I agree with the Renfrew thing though. I did Maudsley method with my parents and found that it worked well because i was younger and still living at home. I’m sending you a big hug, ok?

    Have a great Sunday darlin,

    With Love,

    Emily

  2. Awww, I'm sorry that your mom getting involved is rough. I guess from her stance, she feels so out of control (buzz word :P) as well, so that's her way to feel like she's doing something? I know my mom read books, she was too awkward to get involved.

    I hope everything gets better, and a big YAY for when finals end. I know the home stretch is the roughest.

    Have a great Sunday ❤
    Jenn

  3. Ugh, that's tough. Just keep in mind that your mom is doing this because, yes, she does love you, she is worried about you, and she just has no clue how to "fix" this…she's just trying to do what she thinks is best for you, really. She's not trying to make your life impossible!

    I hope things get better ❤

  4. we share the same sentiments on Renfrew…(did you do the NY program?) I don’t think it’s a ‘bad’ thing to accept help and am please that Renfrew is opening doors for the Orthodox Communit, but that’s off-topic. I make a point of never recommending their particular treatment to anyone, under any circumstances but I know it has worked for a lot of people. I don’t really know where you are health-wise or behaviour-wise of if more intensive treatment is necessary/what your team are recommending, but i think summer is a good time to pursue it if it IS needed because school isn’t in the way (not that school should ever come above health, but I know taking time off school is the last thing you’d want to consider).

    the conference looks interesting- a first, no? Might be worth going to just to see what it’s all about and how they are approaching things…

    It’s great that they are taking things seriously and want you to get help even if you don’t like Renfrew/want to do this OP- to know that they care, even if it feels differently at times, must be somewhat of a comfort?

    good luck with studying- not long to go then you are FREE!

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