May Showers

…Isn’t it supposed to be May flowers?! I guess Mother Nature didn’t get that memo. Sigh. As a curly-haired individual, I am excessively displeased with this weather. Rain + curly hair = huge ball of frizz!! And the humidity also makes me feel bloated and, well, fat. This is “ugly weather” to me in more ways than one! And to venture into possible TMI territory, while I do love being able to walk through puddles without getting my feet wet, I have a bunion, and wearing wellies all the time gets to be EXTREMELY. PAINFUL!! If it doesn’t stop raining soon, I think I may just have to cry.

Today I actually ventured into that Macy’s which I hate… this probably crosses into TMI territory, too, but anyway, I am in search of a bra with clear plastic straps. I found it in Target, but apparently they don’t make it in the size I need, which I completely do not understand, because it’s a perfectly normal size!! Anyway, I went on Amazon and found something similar in my size, and apparently they have it at Macy’s. I wanted to try it on before buying it, which is why I went in the first place… but after it took me ten minutes to even find the lingerie department, it turns out that they didn’t have it in my size either. They only had a few of them, and they were marked 50% off because they were used. I ask you, who on earth buys a used bra?! … In the end, I went to Filene’s Basement during my break between classes, and they had exactly one bra there with the semi-right size. It probably doesn’t fit properly. But it has removable straps so I can replace them with clear ones that I don’t have… yay!

Technically this should not count as a Bar of the Day, because it’s just a Larabar… but it’s the first time I’ve tried this one, and it’s a “scary” one. So.

I always forget that I should read ingredients before buying things. I’ve never had key lime pime, so I have no idea what it’s supposed to taste like, but this tasted like a coconut macaroon. I do not like coconut, so if I had read the ingredients, I wouldn’t have bought this one in the first place. Oh well.

We were “prepped” for our finals today… it’s kind of funny, actually, the way we are alternately treated like people with multiple doctorates and two-year-olds. Make up your minds, people!

I was thinking today about how most people with EDs believe that their bodies are “different” than everyone else’s… as in, Everyone else can eat and not gain a crazy amount of weight, but I can’t do that. I try to recognize that it’s sort of ridiculous to exempt myself from rules that apply to the rest of humanity, but it really does seem that way. My nutritionist is “working with me” — my initial goal weight is quite a bit below my IP goal weight, and even that scares the crap out of me. I don’t think it’s the number itself, per se. It’s knowing that when I get close to it, since we’re going to try and maintain that for a bit so I can get used to it, I am going to have to actually be able to maintain. Which I am convinced I cannot do. I am also conflicted on the whole notion of messing around with meal plans… I don’t know that I want to be eating crazy amounts, but the idea that I can be gaining without doing that is scary, because if I gain on that, how am I supposed to maintain and still eat a “healthy” amount?? It’s kind of a lose / lose situation there… I’m unhappy if something is added to a meal plan, I’m unhappy if something is reduced from a meal plan. Have I ever mentioned that I hate meal plans?!

Since I was a complete zombie for most of the day today, I am going to attempt to get at least six hours of sleep tonight!! If I start now, I might make it to bed before 11.00 … which would just be so incredibly awesome.

To all, to each, a fair good-night, And pleasing dreams, and slumbers light.
~Sir Walter Scott


7 responses to “May Showers

  1. Ugh. The maintaining dilemma.

    I am scared out of my MIND that I am still gaining, even after having reached my goal weight. But I think this is a normal fear for ED patients, you know?

    We’ll see…

    Anyway – it’s raining here too! Laaaame!

  2. Meal plans are a nightmare. Eating enough to gain weight is a nightmare too. But then, eating disorders are a nightmare, so that’s another lose/lose situation right there 😛 the difference being, once you start gaining weight it gets easier, whereas if you stick with the eating disorder things get worse and worse in the long term. I’m not saying that recovery is fun (if only, heh) but it’s got a damn sight more long term prospects for fun than anorexia.

  3. ya curly hair + rain = shitty hair day for sure! I’m with ya on that one 🙂

    Sorry you didn’t like that lara, I’ve never tried the flavor but I bought it at TJs the other day! I love coconut though, can’t believe you don’t! More for me, haha. I hope you made it to bed at a reasonable hour, good night!

  4. I hear you on humidity and frizzy hair! It’s not fun! I am currently rocking a rather wild birds nest of hair…not a good look.

    I hear you on the maintenance thing- it’s so confusing. Gaining and losing are so scientific but maintaining is…just…a weird concept to grasp. Hopefully you and your nutritionist can work something out together!

  5. We are so much alike!

    -Boated curly frizz balls in the rain (wishing it was gone too).

    -Hates coconut with a passion.

    Have a great weekend despite the weather.




    I realized I said weekend.

    It’s definitely Tuesday.

    Justification: Last day of classes was yesterday. Roomate had a party at our house last night. I’m all wacked out in terms of day of the week..

    What I MEANT was, have a great WEEK despite the weather.



  7. Pingback: Randomness « Blue Eyed Heart

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