What I Need?…

Because we had a sort of family reunion here last night, with all of my siblings coming over to see how my mom was doing, I didn’t get to start my book… and by midnight I could barely keep my eyes open! It still took me about an hour longer to get to bed, but I only read the prologue. So I got to read like a fiend all day today, and I actually did finish it. (If you’re planning on reading this book at some point, be warned: possible spoiler alert ahead!) There was a character in the book who was bulimic and a cutter, and it was actually pretty neatly defined how she came to be that way. It was startling, a bit, because I wasn’t necessarily expecting to come across that, but it was also a little infuriating because it was so “neat.” Like, I do this behavior because that happened. And I really really really really wish I could say that about myself, but I just can’t.

The one thing that really pissed me off about this Shabbos is the chauvinism… my dad and my brother basically expecting me to do every.damn.thing. because I’m female and that’s just the way things work. Sort of the way I had to stay up late on Thursday to put three loads through the washer, because even though my brother was home all day, my mom never asked him to do it. I guess it’s partly a generational thing, but still, it never ceases to annoy me. People… we no longer live in the seventeenth century!!

Going back to this sibling visit. My sister was apparently miffed that I made my own soup. And so I was subjected to a speech about how I am selfish because I don’t care about other people’s feelings. While I won’t deny that I am a pretty selfish person, I fail to see what a pot of soup has to do with any of this. Of course, this segued into the whole “We are your family / we care about you more than you do / etc. etc. etc.” I’m not saying they don’t, but how am I supposed to let them know that as much as they might want to, or might think they want to, they just can’t give me what I need? Even if I’m not sure what that is? So instead I just have to keep saying, “I am not having this conversation.” (“You don’t have to have a conversation, you just have to listen!”)

This morning I woke up at 6.00 with a horrible sore throat, which obviously didn’t make me very happy! On to the panacea that is ibuprofen, so I trooped downstairs to get some, and fed my fish on the way. (Their weekly treat… they got freeze-dried worms instead of flakes. Extra protein! Woot!) Since I keep yapping on about them, here’s some visual stimulation…




One of them is sick, as it turns out. One of the silver dollars (the third photo — I know it looks like a mirror image, but we have two of them) has a fungal infection. Sad. What else is sad: remember those three fish I got, one of which vanished and the second of which died? Yeah, the third one vanished now, too. How weird!!!

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to have to go to the pet shop. Not Petco, because I decided I really don’t like that place. I go there all the time because it’s conveniently located, but the fish I buy there always seem to be unhealthy, and they don’t have half the products I need. Very irritating. But I guess I can buy some more fish now, since we’re three down.

I also have to go to Macy’s, as much as it peeves me, because that’s where I bought my watch… hopefully they can replace the battery for me. If not, I will have to buy a new watch, and I don’t really want to do that. First of all, I am not exactly rolling in money here, and second of all, I still like my watch!! I’m extremely picky when it comes to watches, so buying a new one is always a hassle.

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6 responses to “What I Need?…

  1. I’m sorry about the whole chauvinism thing- that drove me mad too when I lived at home (my step-dad worked from home but would leave every shabbas preperation for my mom to do when she got in from work an hour before shabbas came in!) I think families find it so hard to SHOW that they care- I have no doubt that your family have your best interest at heart, it’s just that their way of showing it doesn’t match up to what you think/feel/need…

  2. I’m sorry about the whole chauvinism thing- that drove me mad too when I lived at home (my step-dad worked from home but would leave every shabbas preperation for my mom to do when she got in from work an hour before shabbas came in!) I think families find it so hard to SHOW that they care- I have no doubt that your family have your best interest at heart, it’s just that their way of showing it doesn’t match up to what you think/feel/need…

  3. I hope your watch situation gets worked out, even if it takes a trip to Macy’s (I hate that store too) Chauvinism is no good, sorry you had to deal with it on Friday! Cute colorful fish1 maybe the mystery disappeared ones got sucked into the filter? That happened to my friend’s fish too…yikes!

  4. Disappearing fish? Uh oh, maybe he got sucked into the filter? Or maybe he jumped out and disappeared?! Ah who knows! sorry about the situation with the fam and Chauvinism – you're definitely in my thoughts & prayers and I hope everything works out okay for you.

    Enjoy your Sunday girl! Hope your throat is no longer sore!

    Love, Meg

  5. yup, chauvinism is still existing strong. when will ppl ever grow up? my father and brother expects my mom and I to do everything, too!
    I hope things get better for you, though! hold on there!

  6. Pet shop fish often have weird stuff go wrong with them. The longest lived fish we ever had were from my uncle’s pond – they lived 5-6 years, which was rather good given our fish-track-record!
    There’s plenty of chauvinism going on in my family too, and we’re not a religious family. The boys leave stuff around the house and the girls clean up after them. I don’t think they expect us to as such, it’s just male thoughtlessness. Grrr at men! I’m sorry your family keep on at you. I’m sure that they mean well, but that doesn’t make it any less exasperating!
    I didn’t know Jodi Picoult had a new book out, ooooh…*off to amazon*

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