Wake Up??

Reason number seven million and sixty three why I am a big fat stupid moron: I need cash. Having money in the bank is nice and all, but sometimes you just need actual bills. Hence, I was going to cash my paycheck, and deposit half of it in my checking account. However, Stupid Move One: I forgot to take my license with me, and without ID, I can’t cash a check. So, Stupid Move Two: I deposited the entire check. This is stupid because I had to go back to the bank anyway if I was going to withdraw half of it! And Stupid Move Three: I couldn’t withdraw half of it, because that would have overdrawn that account, since the check was only deposited, not cashed. The moral of the story? I don’t know, but I still don’t have the cash. Ho hum.

The title of this post is referring to an odd encounter I had today with a co-worker of mine. We don’t work in the same office, but we’re sort of in the same department. She isn’t someone I see very often… maybe once a fortnight. Anyway, I walked into her domain today to sprinkle my fairydust (I was delivering the paychecks to her half of the department… I’m everyone’s favorite person on payday!), and out of the blue, she told me, “You’re too thin, you need to eat a cookie!” I just stared at her. I was absolutely dumbfounded because first of all, I had no idea people actually said things like that (and of all the victuals in the world, she had to choose a COOKIE?! Remember my issues with Nana’s cookie bars?! Which, BTW, I did purchase and are currently residing in my basement); and second of all, nobody, family excluded, has ever said anything like that to me. Ever. Which made me panic, even if ED would be glad about it, because I can’t have lost weight over the holiday. I just can’t. And hearing this made me paranoid in the opposite direction that I usually am… meaning I feel like now I must gain weight before I see my nutritionist next week. I have no idea how much, because I am afraid to weigh myself since I won’t be able to stop once I start again. But this whole gaining weight business? It is not fun. Quite frankly, it is terrifying. And as I’m sure you all know, the less you eat, the harder it is to do it! Hmmm. I seem to have a talent for screwing up. I just have to learn to stop it. Or fix it myself.

My challah experiment might not have worked out SO well. For all I know, it tastes fine, but it just doesn’t look very pretty! I made breakaway challahs, so that if someone wants white flour, they can have white flour, and if someone wants whole wheat flour (me), they can have whole wheat flour.

Yep. Looks extremely unattractive, I know! Guess I won’t be repeating this recipe… (I realize that the photos are backwards in sequence… but Blogger is still being obnoxious and since I can’t actually see the photos, it takes too long to move them all around and I have to go. Sorry! ;))

I finally cut my nails. They were, quite frankly, beginning to be a bit frightening! I painted them N.Y.C. SoHo. AKA, pink. I tend more toward black or blue, but a change is nice every once in a while, I suppose…

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
~Andy Warhol


7 responses to “Wake Up??

  1. That challah is awesome! I love the idea of breakaway chains, much cooler than plain old bread! I’m sorry your co-worker made that comment, she obviously has no idea what you’re dealing with. I would get SO MAD when people said things like that to me (like random strangers telling me to eat a cheeseburger or the checkout guy at the market telling me I should go back and pick up some butter and dessert) but you just have to let it go and recover for YOU. It’s so hard when random people feel the need to discuss your weight, but it happens. I’m sorry for your bank troubles today! How frustrating! Hope your weekend is off to a good start

  2. I think your challah looks great! I’ve never tried making bread from scratch, so hats off to you for trying. I love the idea of having white and wheat breakaways – you’re so clever!

    Sorry about your coworker..people are so incredibly insensitive to the issues that come with being underweight and struggling with an eating disorder. It’s hard for me to bite my tongue and not just rip them a new one..just remember that you’re doing this for you and you’re doing the best you can. Keep trying and pushing yourself, and pay no attention to what other people (or at least the people who are totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things) have to say.

    Hope you’re having a relaxing Saturday.

    Much love,

  3. hey girl, that’s ok, we all have our “blonde” moments, even me, and I’m asian! haha!
    that girl…I would have slapped her mouth. ok, sorry for the violent picture. obviously I wouldn’t but I sure FEEL like it! people really need to stop thinking it’s ok to diss skinny people and make rude comments like that!
    but sometimes I think I need that to shock me and make me get SO mad that I WANT to recover as soon as possible and gain back my much needed weight.

  4. Okay, LOVING the challah experiment. Such a fun idea!

  5. such a cliche comment, lol… eat a cookie/sandwich/cheeseburger. I don’t get why it’s okay for them to comment at all- different if they know you well and it’s out of concern (an “are you okay/you aren’t looking well these days” or something) but seriously- would anyone go up to an overweight person and tell them to drink a slim-fast?

    challah looks awesome- glad you came to some kind of compromise with white/wholewheat flour!

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