“Sometimes I lie awake at night and think, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.'”
~Charles M. Schultz
That quote has nothing to do with anything, really. It just struck me because it happens to me a lot… I try to figure out how I got so screwed up and I just can’t even begin to deal with it, because it seems so… insurmountable.
Some days, I just feel like facing the world requires far too much effort. Today is one of those days. The maintenance guy came into my office to change the trash bag, and since I didn’t bubble over with effusive greetings (totally not me, even in the best of circumstances!), he said, “I guess I’m not welcome here.” He creeps me out in general, actually, but that’s another story entirely.
I call them “Bubble Days.” That’s what it seems like… I’m lost in my little cocoon and everyone else is out on the other side, doing heaven-knows-what. Even if I want to be outside my bubble, or want human interaction, the second I find myself among other people I am immensely irritated and just can’t wait to get away… what would I say, anyhow?!
Really, it isn’t other people I’m trying to escape. I want to get away from me. That’s impossible, because wherever you go, there you are. I hate that. Especially on days like today, when I want to jump out of my skin so badly I could scream.
And, on that note:
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”