It’s the fear, stupid!

A post I read earlier today has got me thinking about “allowing” myself to enjoy foods… I don’t think I’m really sure what I like!! I’m very clear on what I don’t like, but on the other end of the spectrum, my preferences seem to have gone the way of typewriters and rotary phones. Anyway, when I have more time in the mornings due to a change in schedule, I sometimes change up my breakfast. Since I get recipes from a site index, I usually take photographs for the site. That’s the only reason I think I bother with aesthetics… if it weren’t for the photo, I’d probably just mush it all together, unattractiveness notwithstanding, and be done with it. So. This was the photo I wound up with.



And I realized that I felt guilty for it. Why? I’m not sure. I guess in my mind, I’m not worth a nicer presentation than a random dumping into a plate. Maybe that’s why sometimes I like to make things that are “too pretty to eat” — they just help to reinforce my crazy beliefs. I do realize they are crazy. I guess. That just doesn’t mean they disappear!

Since I’m sort of in the realm of “fear foods,” I guess I may as well ramble about this a bit. I’m not really a big drinker at all, but I do know what I like in that regard. And I love Smirnoff malt beverages. They scare the CRAP out of me, because of the calorie content. I can think of few things that I find more terrifying than liquid calories. (Yes, odd, as I am drinking LIQUID supplements practically every day, but whatever. Nobody said this was logical.) Especially alcohol… isn’t that the very definition of “empty calories”?? But still… it tastes good. Not like vodka at all. Anyway, someone gave this to us on Purim:

I had tried the green apple and raspberry before, but never this one. And I didn’t want to try it, because, well, it’s scary!! My brother and I were going to split it, but he wound up having the bulk of it. It was good, though. It tastes a bit like Lipton’s diet raspberry white tea, which I love. But it was so good that now my brother wants to buy it to keep around, which is a problem for me because I am afraid of having things around that I like!!

Speaking of “fear foods” … my departure date for Israel is looming ever closer, and I am growing more and more apprehensive by the moment. There is a small little shop in Jerusalem that I am telling you makes the best bagels in the world. Bagels are a fear food for me. It’s a stretch for me to eat them even if I make them myself. I saw my nutritionist tonight, and she says she is worried about me going off to Israel now… as am I, but for a totally different reason! Anyway, she all but insisted that I make it my business to get to that shop and eat a bagel… and not a whole wheat one since she claims that isn’t a “real bagel”!! I don’t think I could go that far. I’m already going to be so out of my element… I don’t know if I’ll be able to work out at all while I’m there. Combined with the constant close proximity to my parents and a vast amount of victuals… I am ready to cry at the thought. It sucks, because I so badly want to be able to just go “on vacation” like a “normal person” … and know how to just chill out instead of feeling the need to be so tense and uptight all the time.

The Master said:
“To learn something and then put it into practice at the right time.
Is this not a joy?”

~The Analects of Confucius

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2 responses to “It’s the fear, stupid!

  1. I am the same way with not feeling deserving of pretty/good tasting foods (as you know, lol) but it’s taking the “eating experience” to a new level for me with photography/making my meals more presentable.

    Hear you on liquid calories (yay supplements, lol) but good job with the vodka (ONLY to you would I see this as a positive step!)

    when’s your Israel trip? I want photographic proof of these awesome bagels. Go for it! Just think back to the stuff we ate in *coughPIcough* and how we would have done anything to switch some of that nastiness for decent REAL food. You only live once, right?

  2. I am the same way with not feeling deserving of pretty/good tasting foods (as you know, lol) but it’s taking the “eating experience” to a new level for me with photography/making my meals more presentable.

    Hear you on liquid calories (yay supplements, lol) but good job with the vodka (ONLY to you would I see this as a positive step!)

    when’s your Israel trip? I want photographic proof of these awesome bagels. Go for it! Just think back to the stuff we ate in *coughPIcough* and how we would have done anything to switch some of that nastiness for decent REAL food. You only live once, right?

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