Onward and upward

Purim is over, for which I am immeasurably thankful. I was busy working on my paper for a few hours, during which I genuinely forgot to eat; but if I am completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I was feeling scared and miffed for a variety of reasons and so I probably woke up knowing that I was going to have a restrictive day. Up to a point, of course, because whenever there’s a big holiday meal, this happens… I’m so busy fretting about said meal that I don’t let myself eat much beforehand! I’ve yet to feel that I was wrong for worrying about it, though, because inevitably I always feel like a disgusting pig after the meal. My niece came from sem in Montreal too, and she is, for some reason, a major trigger for me. Woot.

Not only that… I didn’t work out today, either. I am trying to convince myself that that’s okay, my body needs a break once in a while, and it isn’t going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t. I just hate feeling like a big lazy lug.

My paper is now 10.5 pages long… I have said all I have to say, and it’s really getting sort of repetitive at this point. Is that what they want?! I mean, really. And I’m taking a midterm tomorrow for which I am not at all prepared. I totally rock.

The past few days have been a bit of an interesting experiment in the manifestations of anxiety. I’ve discovered that it can cause headaches, dizziness, and nausea. Which I actually already knew, but not through firsthand experiences… and you know what, it is not fun. Just like the way I sometimes feel like I might be the only person left on whatever planet I’m on is not fun either…

But for something positive. I officially reserved my spot for my open water dives in May. I am cautiously optimistic about that.

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One response to “Onward and upward

  1. I don’t “get” holiday meals. Everyone seems to stress more over them than enjoy them! (my mom has been panicking about sedars for months!) Ah, to be a kid again 😛 Your post is a nice reminder for why I live alone!

    Anxiety is a weird thing in it’s manifestations. Hope you feel better today and survived your midterm!

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