Saturday night, for me, equals anxiety. I’m not quite sure why… sometimes (like tonight) there’s a reason for it, but most of the time there isn’t. It’s just one of those things. And because I’m already so high-strung, tiny stupid things are magnified.
Tonight I managed a truly spectacular display of time-wasting. I had a bunch of things I wanted to accomplish. Things I needed to accomplish. And I managed to spend HOURS trying to make a Jello Fish Bowl, of all things.
It took three tries. And it still didn’t turn out right. Plus I didn’t do anything useful, since I was so busy getting aggravated over this stupid fishbowl. I don’t care if I know how I screwed up and how to avoid it next time; I don’t care if Adar is “mazal dagim”! I am ready to throw the thing at the wall… except that then I’d have to clean it up, which would mean more time spent staring at it. I’ve already wasted enough time on that!! Might I point out that since I’m so stubborn and just had to do this multiple times, I didn’t prepare the shalach manos for my father’s students (though why that’s MY job, I’m not quite sure), I didn’t actually watch ANTM (okay so that’s not vital, but hey, I want to!), and I didn’t write more than half a page of my colossal paper. And what I did write, pretty much sucks.
Tonight is Daylight Savings Time, too. Which means an hour less sleep… yay! As if I’m not snarky enough… and it was JUST starting to be light outside when I leave in the morning, and now it will be dark again.
Wow. I think I have just managed to complain even more than I usually do. I didn’t know that was possible. Apparently the stress of an impending holiday combined with an undone To Do list and the usual Saturday night anxiety does not agree with me. Who knew?
To end off on a less grumpy note, ages ago my therapist said I ought to focus more on the positive things in life. Wonder what tipped her off to the fact that I’m not, um, an optimist?? So. A positive thought for the day, no matter how little or stupid. And most of the time it is stupid. But when I ran out to the grocery store tonight (for the second time, thank you fishbowl), it was warm enough to not even take a jacket. Which makes me happy because winter might actually end one day!!