The Iliad & The Odyssey

Title reflective of nothing but the length of this post, since I don’t want to post anything chametz on Pesach; I’m weird like that.  Will attempt to keep the photo commentary to a minimum.

But I’ll make up for that elsewhere… starting with a soliloquy re: the triathlon.  Unsurprisingly, most of my family members think I am crazy.  Hell, I think I’m crazy — I haven’t run in nearly two weeks, and I’ve never run a 10K distance; I can’t remember the last time I swam for anything other than leisure, and I don’t know if I’ve ever covered the race distance; and I can barely remember the last time I rode a bike.  In fact, until a few hours ago, I didn’t even own one.  (More on that later.)

The thing is, I would never have registered for a triathlon just to satisfy my own desire for a sense of accomplishment.  I mean, yes, that rocks… but I could have just done another 5K and felt accomplished!  I wouldn’t do this on my own; I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for a cause in which I really believe.  It’s the only thing that will keep me from running like hell… because, to be quite frank, I am terrified.

I thought that once I graduated, I’d have some time to chill out.  Apparently  not — because I’ll be training for a triathlon instead.  And it’s going to require me to change a lot of things about my life, and the eating disordered part of me is sort of really freaking out.  Which is, I suppose, a wonderful reason why I should do this.  My therapist is thrilled to bits — not necessarily about the triathlon thing, she doesn’t really get it (as in, when I expressed some … concern about the fact that I’ve never run a 10K distance, she couldn’t understand why I can’t just do the 5K distance and call it a day), but because I’m doing it for a cause, I’m doing it as part of a team.  Social interaction, yay.  (Ha.)

Parental support?  Well.  That’s another whole soliloquy, to come after the string of photos.

A couple of weeks back, I mentioned Operation Eat Two Muffins A Day… which is exactly what it sounds like, because I have an irrational “fear” of eating the same thing twice in one day.  I realize this is completely ridiculous, but whatever, such things never make sense.  So I had an “assignment” from my therapist to do it and see if I could figure out why it freaks me out so much.

Exhibit A: wild blueberry muffin topper

 

Exhibit B: lemon poppy seed muffin

I actually did that twice in one week.  And I couldn’t tell you why I have that irrational fear, either, because I was so stressed about so many other things that I could barely even pay attention to the fact that I was doing something I hate to do.  Kind of defeats the purpose.  Whatever.

 
Frozen reviews:
 

Tofutti cones — loved that it was on sale for $1.66 a box.

Did not love this.

Did like this.  The cone and coating were better than the ice cream, though.

Was very excited to find these!

The vanilla bars are the same as the sugar-added version, calorically speaking; but I think these are much better.  For one thing, the vanilla flavor is way more prevalent than the coconut.

Ditto the fudge bars — couldn’t really taste the coconut.  Which, to me, is a good thing.

Tried the Taza chocolate my friend gave me a few weeks ago; it’s too bad it’s so insanely expensive, because I loved it!

cinnamon burst cheerios, apple yogurt, fuji apple, roasted saigon cinnamon

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios are like crack. The box is already halfway gone.

And I bought two new boxes of cereal today, because I have zero impulse control.

To help pave the way for these, I started another one of the boxes in my stash.

These toasted oatmeal flakes are thick; they don’t get at all soggy in milk.  I like.

I tried that chocolate lava cake with almond flour instead of peanut flour, because I have almond butter in the basement, but no peanut butter.

The peanut flour version is way better.  I want to try it with cashew flour after Pesach, just to satisfy my curiosity.

I just found this amusing.  And I forgot that I really do like corn muffins quite a lot.

When your pancake flipping spatula disappears, and you have to attempt to make do with something else, you end up with something like this.

I’m calling it a banana pancake scramble.  Tastes good, looks hideous.

I have a paper that is due on Wednesday.  Instead of working on said paper, I spent all day running around town … the hood on my aquarium decided that now is an ideal time to break down on me, so I needed to replace it.

I probably could have bought an entire new aquarium for that price.  But whatever.  I bet the fish don’t even appreciate the lengths I had to go to in order to provide them with light.  Hmph.

Then I went to buy a bike.  On which I wound up spending more than I wanted to, but it was undeniably a good deal.  Even so.  And then I wonder why I have no money…

I wonder if I can even ride it.  I don’t remember bikes being quite so complex when I was a kid!

My dad happened to need to go somewhere in the general vicinity of the bike shop, so we carpooled.  And, as usual, when I am in a car with my dad, I wind up getting some sort of lecture.

To make a long story short, since it is late and I want to go to sleep: my dad tells me that he and my mom want nachas from me… and basically, the only way I can give them that is to get married and have kids.  And I can’t do that if I am “not healthy.”  And, I swear I am not making this up, he all but offered to sponsor my trip to Israel if I would agree to, um, give my parents what they want.

What I want to do is pull my hair out of my head and scream that we have gone over this so. many. times… it doesn’t matter what the hell I do or don’t do, I am not a loveable person, and marriage requires two people, so would you stop telling me all this crap already, since I don’t need any help in feeling horrible about myself, thank you very much!

And oh, yes… apparently my wanting to do a race or a triathlon is not a worthy goal.  Even if it’s for a good cause.  Because I should be concentrating on other things (read: working on populating the planet with the future generations), and if I want to do something charitable, I can just give them the money and forget about the race.

Call me crazy, but what I get out of this is that nothing I ever do, short of getting married and having kids, will ever be good enough.  (Though I’m sure that wouldn’t be good enough, either…)  Not that I ever suspected otherwise, but nobody ever actually said that to my face.  I still can’t believe he said that!!

And now that it is midnight, and I slept for a grand total of two hours last night, and tomorrow night I will be up insanely late and freaking out over a seder that, if last year is any indication, will go on into the wee hours of the morning, and I am going to be sitting on my butt for three days straight in an attempt to finally get my stupid foot to heal… yeah, I think I can go to bed.

Have a lovely week.

“We cannot hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening our own.” 
~Ben Sweetland

9 responses to “The Iliad & The Odyssey

  1. Sorry your parents aren’t more supportive of your goals. It sounds like they are well intentioned and do love you, but don’t understand you very well – which is pretty common in parents! My mum always had trouble not making my problems about her – she never encouraged me to recover because I was clearly ill and miserable, it was all about her being upset by my illness and how happy she would be if I got better. Which is fair enough, but didn’t really give me the message that I was a worthwhile person in my own right.

    Anyway, I’m sure all your loyal blog readers are happy for you and supportive of your efforts ;) not quite the same thing, but we can cheer you on anyway! I hope your three sedentary days don’t drag too much <3

  2. I’m sorry to hear your parents aren’t more supportive of your goals instead of theirs :[ I am sure when the time comes they will be, just like your mom came to watch your last race; until then,just hang in there! We’re all here for you with love and support in the meantime; and I, for one, KNOW you can do anything you set your mind to. This triathlon? Piece of cake! ;) Always here for ya, girl. xoxo

  3. I think it’ll be a great test of your inner strength to be able to do this triathlon. You are always stronger than you think you are :)

    I used to be afraid to eat the same thing twice in one day as well and now it’s pretty much all I do these days. Often, all I want to eat is cake. Cake, cake, cake. Sadly there are these things called vegetables that we have to eat too (WUT?).

    I hope you get some sleep!!!!!!

    xxx

  4. I absolutely hate that your parents think you getting married is something you should for THEM. That’s just not what I was taught. Getting married should be something you do only and ONLY if you find someone you love. I don’t have to tell you that though. I just hope that you know that whether your married or not shouldn’t dictate if your a good daughter. That, in my opinion, are not related at all.

  5. i’m so sorry about how your mom and dad are just SET on you getting married and having kids. is there a problem with being single and loving it? and yes TWO PEOPLE are required for that…..sadness. parents are stubborn and silly. meh!

    i love love your muffin twice a day thing- i’d love to do that, but first i have to make them muffs! ha:D

    and i love the food you make.

    and i love you! :D stay strong! i’m here for you during the triathlon training. you can cry on my shoulder! when i come to ny (probably in a year or two-or after i finish school and make money- i’ll cheer you on and run the last part with you)

  6. Putting that kind of pressure on you in relation to children simply isn’t fair: whatever happened to love? Just popping out kids for the sake of it would make most people totally miserable: for me the entire point of having children is an expression of adoration between two people that manifests itself in creating a new life (though I think that’s lost on people nowadays). If love hasn’t taken it’s natural course then forcing you to find someone is just plain wrong. There is so much about you that your parents could, and should be proud of: your work ethic, your intelligence, your grades, your wit, your originality, your determination. I know my Mum and Dad would happily do a swap with yours!

    As Katie said, we’re all here to support you with the tri, and I know it’s not the same but know that there are some people out there rooting for you in everything you do.

    And 1/2 box of Cheerios would be an appetiser for me ;)

    xxx

  7. Happy (is that the word?) Pesach.

    I think you will be surprised at what the challenge will give you afterward…you never know what God will show you in your journey.
    Just be open.

  8. I’m amazed that there are still parents who urge their children to breed. Actually, I should be more amazed that I’m amazed because that’s a timeless desire all parents have for their kids.

    Thankfully, my parents don’t tell me to get hitched and knocked up because they know I am independent enough not to need a freaking husband and bratty kids, blah blah blah…well, I think you can guess how I feel about marriage and kids. But yet, I just KNOW that that’s what they want from me…I can just tell by the way they talk.

    In essence, that’s just what all parents wants…they believe that that’s what makes their kids happy. So yeah, even if you turn 70 and are still single, your parents will probably still be nagging about this. That’s the way it is, you know?

  9. Pingback: A Student No Longer |

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