But I’ll make up for that elsewhere… starting with a soliloquy re: the triathlon. Unsurprisingly, most of my family members think I am crazy. Hell, I think I’m crazy — I haven’t run in nearly two weeks, and I’ve never run a 10K distance; I can’t remember the last time I swam for anything other than leisure, and I don’t know if I’ve ever covered the race distance; and I can barely remember the last time I rode a bike. In fact, until a few hours ago, I didn’t even own one. (More on that later.)
The thing is, I would never have registered for a triathlon just to satisfy my own desire for a sense of accomplishment. I mean, yes, that rocks… but I could have just done another 5K and felt accomplished! I wouldn’t do this on my own; I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for a cause in which I really believe. It’s the only thing that will keep me from running like hell… because, to be quite frank, I am terrified.
I thought that once I graduated, I’d have some time to chill out. Apparently not — because I’ll be training for a triathlon instead. And it’s going to require me to change a lot of things about my life, and the eating disordered part of me is sort of really freaking out. Which is, I suppose, a wonderful reason why I should do this. My therapist is thrilled to bits — not necessarily about the triathlon thing, she doesn’t really get it (as in, when I expressed some … concern about the fact that I’ve never run a 10K distance, she couldn’t understand why I can’t just do the 5K distance and call it a day), but because I’m doing it for a cause, I’m doing it as part of a team. Social interaction, yay. (Ha.)
Parental support? Well. That’s another whole soliloquy, to come after the string of photos.
A couple of weeks back, I mentioned Operation Eat Two Muffins A Day… which is exactly what it sounds like, because I have an irrational “fear” of eating the same thing twice in one day. I realize this is completely ridiculous, but whatever, such things never make sense. So I had an “assignment” from my therapist to do it and see if I could figure out why it freaks me out so much.
I actually did that twice in one week. And I couldn’t tell you why I have that irrational fear, either, because I was so stressed about so many other things that I could barely even pay attention to the fact that I was doing something I hate to do. Kind of defeats the purpose. Whatever.
Tofutti cones — loved that it was on sale for $1.66 a box.
Did not love this.
Did like this. The cone and coating were better than the ice cream, though.
Was very excited to find these!
The vanilla bars are the same as the sugar-added version, calorically speaking; but I think these are much better. For one thing, the vanilla flavor is way more prevalent than the coconut.
Ditto the fudge bars — couldn’t really taste the coconut. Which, to me, is a good thing.
Tried the Taza chocolate my friend gave me a few weeks ago; it’s too bad it’s so insanely expensive, because I loved it!
Cinnamon Burst Cheerios are like crack. The box is already halfway gone.
And I bought two new boxes of cereal today, because I have zero impulse control.
To help pave the way for these, I started another one of the boxes in my stash.
These toasted oatmeal flakes are thick; they don’t get at all soggy in milk. I like.
I tried that chocolate lava cake with almond flour instead of peanut flour, because I have almond butter in the basement, but no peanut butter.
The peanut flour version is way better. I want to try it with cashew flour after Pesach, just to satisfy my curiosity.
I just found this amusing. And I forgot that I really do like corn muffins quite a lot.
When your pancake flipping spatula disappears, and you have to attempt to make do with something else, you end up with something like this.
I’m calling it a banana pancake scramble. Tastes good, looks hideous.
I have a paper that is due on Wednesday. Instead of working on said paper, I spent all day running around town … the hood on my aquarium decided that now is an ideal time to break down on me, so I needed to replace it.
I probably could have bought an entire new aquarium for that price. But whatever. I bet the fish don’t even appreciate the lengths I had to go to in order to provide them with light. Hmph.
Then I went to buy a bike. On which I wound up spending more than I wanted to, but it was undeniably a good deal. Even so. And then I wonder why I have no money…
I wonder if I can even ride it. I don’t remember bikes being quite so complex when I was a kid!
My dad happened to need to go somewhere in the general vicinity of the bike shop, so we carpooled. And, as usual, when I am in a car with my dad, I wind up getting some sort of lecture.
To make a long story short, since it is late and I want to go to sleep: my dad tells me that he and my mom want nachas from me… and basically, the only way I can give them that is to get married and have kids. And I can’t do that if I am “not healthy.” And, I swear I am not making this up, he all but offered to sponsor my trip to Israel if I would agree to, um, give my parents what they want.
What I want to do is pull my hair out of my head and scream that we have gone over this so. many. times… it doesn’t matter what the hell I do or don’t do, I am not a loveable person, and marriage requires two people, so would you stop telling me all this crap already, since I don’t need any help in feeling horrible about myself, thank you very much!
And oh, yes… apparently my wanting to do a race or a triathlon is not a worthy goal. Even if it’s for a good cause. Because I should be concentrating on other things (read: working on populating the planet with the future generations), and if I want to do something charitable, I can just give them the money and forget about the race.
Call me crazy, but what I get out of this is that nothing I ever do, short of getting married and having kids, will ever be good enough. (Though I’m sure that wouldn’t be good enough, either…) Not that I ever suspected otherwise, but nobody ever actually said that to my face. I still can’t believe he said that!!
And now that it is midnight, and I slept for a grand total of two hours last night, and tomorrow night I will be up insanely late and freaking out over a seder that, if last year is any indication, will go on into the wee hours of the morning, and I am going to be sitting on my butt for three days straight in an attempt to finally get my stupid foot to heal… yeah, I think I can go to bed.
Have a lovely week.
“We cannot hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening our own.”