Am I Back?

…Well, I don’t know.

The past few weeks have been insane, to say the least. My niece’s wedding obviously meant that everything was very hectic, and since his family (he’s the oldest of a lot of siblings… nine, I think) was staying in my house, I had no privacy whatsoever. For two weeks. I mean, yes, I could hole up in my room, but it was frigid in there. That meant I spent a lot of time huddling over my space heater. And trying to get enough sleep to make me stop feeling so exhausted. After an entire week of seven hours a night made no difference whatsoever, I concluded that this is due to end-of-semester stress (the eczema makes its triumphant return), and decided to wait and see what happens.

And I spent a lot of time thinking.  About blogging, of course, and my relationship with it, or lack thereof… and I figured out why it was making me feel so crappy.  Quite simply, I was expecting too much out of it, just because that’s what other people got out of it.  I’ve never been like other people when it comes to such things, and I never should have expected this to be any different.  That’s where I went wrong.  I let it give me a false, inflated sense of self-importance, like just because I can spout off about whatever, whenever, it means that I actually matter.  I’m not one to talk about this now, since I had to join Twitter for a class, and I probably won’t give it up entirely once the semester ends… but I always hated Twitter because I felt like it just gave everyone that same sense of self-importance.  Which is not to say that I hold it against anyone if they love these social media tools; it’s just how I feel about it as it pertains to me.  And I don’t think it’s a good idea for me, personally, to rely on them so heavily.  Like anything else in my life, when I set my expectations too high, I will inevitably end up disappointed.

So, the solution to this, since I seem to be unable to rid myself of the aforementioned sense of self-importance, is to quit expecting anything out of blogging.  Which I am sure is easier said than done, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway.  I didn’t realize that I felt any sort of pressure to post at all, but I guess I did, and it was nice to get away from that for a while.  I’d like to keep feeling that way.  It would be a nice added bonus if I could figure out the direction I’d like my blog to take.  But that requires some more thinking.

And, as a reward for getting through all that babble, here’s something else I discovered… I don’t eat to blog.  I often wondered whether, if I didn’t blog, I’d just revert back to eating the same boring things day in and day out, but that appears not to be the case.  So, hooray.  Photo time!

overnight oats with soy yogurt

shirataki noodle (first time trying them) stir fry

overnight oats with coconut milk kefir

carrot cake protein cake

falafel, raita made with coconut milk kefir (the pita looks so weird because that's what happens when you try to cut a pocket out of a pocketless pita)

dry TVP does not make a very good stand-in for overnight oats

barley, however, makes a very good substitute

even in soy pudding

trying daiya for the first time... astounded by how closely it resembles cheese, even though i've never even LIKED cheese

harvesting my (tiny) kabochas... the back one was rotting :(

most. awesome. uggs. ever. seriously worth every penny

snails in my aquarium...

...because it can't seem to sustain pleco life

red paradise

whole grain cream of wheat; first time trying the stuff, and i love love love it. maybe even more than oat bran.

more daiya; with whole foods' peach mango salsa on an ezekiel corn tortilla

roasted golden beets on steamed beet greens; i'd been wanting to try golden beets forever, and it turns out they taste just like regular beets

…and I think that’s quite enough for now.  Especially since tomorrow is my last day of classes (yay yay yay yay yay!), and I have two long presentations to get through, and I don’t really think I’m prepared for them.

Random question… what’s the first thing you pack when going on vacation?  (Okay, not so random, since I’ll be in packing hell soon; but not going to complain about that!)

Desolate and lone
All night long on the lake
Where fog trails and mist creeps,
The whistle of a boat
Calls and cries unendingly,
Like some lost child
In tears and trouble
Hunting the harbor’s breast
And the harbor’s eyes.
~Lost, Carl Sandburg

8 responses to “Am I Back?

  1. It’s good to see a post from you again. Don’t blog if you don’t want to but feel as though you have to. That’s not what blogging should be about :)

    Your overnight oats look so good! I definitely gotta try some of those soon ;) Funnily enough, the first thing that I pack when going on vacation is underwear. I don’t know why haha.

    xxx

  2. Glad to see you’re doing well, even with the circumstances. I think I’d start to feel pretty stressed with no personal space, too. I need my “me” time, even if just for an hour! I can understand what you’re feeling with blogging, too. I used to feel a little bit pressured to come up with fun things – but I think I’ve gotten to the point where I can just post what I iwant and know that there’s some people that will love it, and some people that will pass me by. Oh, well :)
    Hooray for the last day of classes!! Now take a big breather, okay?!

  3. Hope you still can have fun with blogging, however you choose to use it.

    The first thing I SHOULD be toiletries, but it’s usually the last and I end up forgetting all of my important things!

  4. I agree that social media makes people feel self-important and even worse (sometimes) that everyone agrees with them. Make it what you want it! :)

  5. I agree with you about blogging and sometime making you feel worse. I also expected too much out of it – and being on Twitter. I do have some ‘relationships’ that I’ve made through Twitter but I have found that I get extremely frustrated and it makes me feel worse when I don’t receive any advice or response. I feel like I put myself out there and nothing.
    I’ve taken breaks before and have found that when I need to write something out, sometimes it’s the easiest way. Even without the comments.

    Glad to see you’re doing ok!

  6. Pingback: Felled by Citrus |

  7. Pingback: Remembering Dates + Sprouted Wheat Berry Bread |

  8. Pingback: My Face Hurts |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s