Getting Later

Thank you for all the kind thoughts re: my great aunt.  I think I just feel guilty because we weren’t super-close, but still… I didn’t cry when my grandmother passed away, either, and we were very close.  So.

First, the good.

I got to wear the jacket I bought back in November; it was the first time I wore it, because it was too damn cold before today!  I also wore shoes instead of boots today.  All of this is very nice and good, but it segues into the “bad” …

The temperature this morning was hovering around fifty degrees.  That jacket was fine if I was just dashing inside… but I hung around outside the gym for half an hour, waiting for the girl who opens to show up.  She never did.  So I went to another one.  For the record, that requires trekking sixteen blocks downtown and three blocks crosstown.  And that girl wasn’t there either!  She came a few minutes later, but I only had about fifteen minutes to work out.  Fail.

Attempting to brush that off, I went to Whole Foods to buy another carton of Almond Dream.  The brain surgeons who work there did not a see a problem with this:

That’s me, undercover Whole Foods photographer!  I wasted twenty minutes there, and didn’t even end up buying the Almond Dream.  Why would I want to overpay??

Random, but I have to do this project for school.  It is due in about a month.  I should have been working on it for weeks.  But I can’t, because the professor is providing absolutely no direction or guidance, and I have no clue how to go about it.  This is why I pay thousands of dollars in tuition, you see?

I used my new chocolate protein powder to make April’s protein cake.

I had made it before using Whole Foods’ vanilla soy protein powder, and it was okay; but this was so much better!

This is a product of the hopelessly futile effort to clear out all of the freezers:

Broccoli stir fry vegetables, chick’n strips.  The latter was actually from the refrigerator, but it’s dated March 30, so I need to finish it before Pesach.  In the background is a toasted whole wheat roll, because apparently they were buried at the back of the freezer beneath some things my mom had shoved in there.  We’re moving kitchens on Saturday night.  I highly doubt that I am going to finish another five of those in that time span!

Speaking of moving kitchens… this is basically my kitchen pantry.  That’s entirely different from the bedroom in the basement that is “the pantry” … this one is because there isn’t enough room in the cabinet for all of my cereals, and, well, it just grew from there.

I had to clear it all off, though.

There’s a “Pesach kitchen” hiding under there.  Basically, we cover up everything else (all three sinks / ovens / stoves / whatever), and open this up.  That’s what we’re doing on Saturday night… anyone care for a documentation?!

We’re moving down here.

Obviously, I moved all of that Snapple into “the pantry” to clear the counters.  It’s a perfectly fine kitchen, I guess (even if it doesn’t have an oven!)… but going from what I’m used to, to this?  Not happy.

Now for a little verbal vomit… Moving the clock forward is tough for me.  While I’m glad that the sun sets later, it also means that Shabbos starts later.  Which means that we eat later.  Generally, we don’t even begin until about two hours after candle-lighting; that’s nearly 8.00 PM now.  Eating later than I accustomed to is highly anxiety-provoking… and it doesn’t help my tendency to be restrictive beforehand.  I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but I can’t seem to help it.  And remember all of those Turtle Mountain “ice creams”?  Yeah, now I’m really freaked out about buying any at all, because if I don’t buy enough for Friday night and Shabbos day, I’m going to get a lecture.  I will hate myself if I eat it; and I will feel like a failure if I don’t.  It’s a lose-lose situation.  I hate that this bothers me, but it does.  Logic doesn’t work: it makes no difference how many times I hear that eating late won’t make me gain weight.  I am still terrified of it.  And even thinking of the seder — which probably won’t even begin until 10.00 PM — scares me so much I could pass out.

Earrings:

Have a great weekend.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
~Theodore Roosevelt

13 responses to “Getting Later

  1. i hope you don’t actually pass out from having to wait so long to eat!! i couldn’t last that long..yikes. and yeah, everyone expresses their emotions differently, there is no right way!

  2. I used to be really terrified of eating late as well, but I got tired of waking up constantly in the middle of the night due to a starving belly so I gave in. Now my nightly snacks are pretty substantial and I sleep much better :) And I know it’s hard to be convinced by what others say, but how late I choose to eat hasn’t changed anything for me. <3

  3. Hm, what a strange thing. One of my ED things was that I HAD to eat late….because I had a strange obsession with eating by myself late at night.

    Those idiots who marked the “discount” on the almond breeze! WTH? Haha! It’s almost ridiculously funny.

  4. I always tend to wait as late as i can to eat dinner. Idk why, maybe cause it seems like i won’t eat as much that close to going to sleep?

  5. i like your stealth photography shots! haha!
    the protein cake with new Prot Powder…awesome that you had better results!

  6. Oh my word..that link you gave me to your post on earrings…WOW..And i thought i had ‘issues’ haha.. I love that rack thing your parents bought you..I usually have a wrestling death-match with my jewellery box every morning trying to salvage a pair of earrings to wear..

    Sounds like you’re going to be facing a fair few challenges girl..
    Take it one step at a time..and only do what you feel comfortable with
    rather than what’s expected of you…not only by others but also from the sometimes excessive pressure you might be putting on yourself..

    xox

  7. oh my girl, you best not restrict beforehand! it will in no way help you out nor should it be a “challenge” to have to deal with mentally for you. i like the new kitchen look and you got a lotta snapple and cereals girl!

  8. I wouldn’t want to eat so late either. Then try to sleep… yikes!

    Why oh why would something be “on sale” for 50 cents more each?! Strange!

  9. girl i am a major night time eater..i used to be scared of it but its all i do now! you CAN do it!! do NOT restrict before..use this as a growing step!

  10. That Whole Foods price tag is hilarious! Did you point it out?

    Sorry about the time change problem. I also get a little anxious when I know my schedule is going to be off, and get a little OCD about planning.

  11. Forgive the lateness in commenting ~ I just wanted to offer my condolances about your Aunt and emphasise that crying or showing emotion is not the only way one can manifest grief. I didn’t cry when my grandmother died either because I was beyond tears. I still miss her every day. It doesn’t make you cold, it just means that you internalise emotion too much…as if perhaps you’re ashamed to show ‘weakness’ perhaps? Or that you feel you don’t deserve to be upset? I could be way off the mark, but I just wanted you to know that there’s no need to berate yourself over it.

    Good luck with eating late ~ it honestly WILL NOT make a difference. My Mum’s ED doesn’t allow her to eat anything until AFTER 11:00pm. And she’s so underweight she’s two steps away from hospitalisation.

    Take care

    ~Jess~

  12. I used to have VERY high anxiety about eating after 5:30, to the point of all-out panic attacks. When I started college, though, my schedule shifted later and later, until I almost never ate dinner before 8. And it did not affect my weight one bit, not at all. So please don’t restrict in anticipation of late dinners, really your body is smart and will put the energy to use no matter when you consume it!

  13. Pingback: H.A.L.T. « Blue Eyed Heart

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