Part of the reason why it is so novel to me that I can talk about pretty much anything on my blog, but especially about anything related to my eating disorder, is because it is a pretty taboo topic in my community. Which explains why I was so delighted to discover this book a few years back. It was actually pretty disappointing in terms of content, but I was still glad that at least someone was speaking about the issue instead of just sweeping it under the rug. Though I have to say, I had the opportunity to meet the author, and has anyone ever noticed how very different these people are in real life when compared with what they’ve written?? I mean, I’ve seen a pretty “eminent” doctor in the field of eating disorders, and if you read his writing, you’d think he’s a gift from heaven. All I have to say about that: he is not. He is actually a pompous ass. And I feel completely justified in saying that, because someone who falls asleep in session deserves that. Anyway! Today I read this book — which was just released — and it was pretty much a disappointment to me in the same way the first one was. Maybe I’m just not a “spiritual” enough person. I don’t know. I mean, if the point is to make people feel like they’re not alone, it was totally lost on me, because it just made me feel like even more of a “bad Jew” than I already do! I’d say that’s pretty much defeating the purpose.
Every day I age by about ten years. Honestly, I don’t think I know what it feels like to feel twenty-five; I feel like I’m about eighty-five! Between my wrist (slathered in this today, though I don’t know if it even targets whatever the hell is wrong), my knee (currently under a heating pad), my hip (which I pinpointed as having a pain of its own once my knee stopped making me feel like shooting myself in the head), and a not-quite-painful but extremely annoying canker sore, I am a wee bit aggravated! Oh, well — looking at the bright side, getting it all over with at once means I’ll be dealing with such crap for a shorter time period. Right? Right?!
Do these look familiar?
I’m going to call this a “stoplight salad” — it’s red, yellow and green! Romaine, red pepper, yellow squash, tofu cutlet, and roasted rutabaga. This was so massive that I had to eat some of it before adding any dressing, because there was no way I could toss it in such a packed container. Ho hum. Typical.
Some of my friends went out tonight… my “best friend” called me last night to ask me if I wanted to go along, but I couldn’t because I had class. This is me sobbing over missing out on going to a restaurant. Not. She and I apparently now have tentative plans to go ice skating on Saturday night. I’ll kind of believe that when it happens… I’ve been wanting to go ice skating every winter for the past five years, at least, and nobody ever wants to go with me! (Randomly, I also missed going to my cousin’s bar mitzvah because of class. Double boo hoo.)
Upon my return from school tonight, I found this on my bureau… which is a pretty strange thing to find in a bedroom.
Horrible Hostess rant up ahead, so be warned. Preface: I don’t like to buy bananas because I’m pretty much the only one who eats them, and they ripen so fast. I don’t like feeling like I have to eat something at a certain time. And I’m pretty picky about my bananas… I like them a certain size and a certain degree of ripeness. For some reason, I only seem to eat bananas on Thursdays / Fridays, so when I go to the supermarket on Monday night, I buy a banana that is green enough to have reached the “right” shade of yellow by the end of the week. For some reason, I bought two bananas this past Monday. As it turns out, it’s a good thing I did… my mom called me around noon today to tell me that my cousin ate one of my bananas, so if I wanted the second one, she’d have to “hide” it.
Honestly, I’m a little pissed off. My cousins are here for one day. They arrived early this morning to attend a wedding this evening, and they are leaving tomorrow. How much havoc can be wreaked in such a short time?? Well. When I got home tonight, I dashed right into the shower, because I need to wash off the disgust. So there I am under the running water, and I reach for my bodywash… which is not there. I made do with something else, but really… I mean, fine, borrow my bodywash, whatever, I don’t care. But is it asking too much if I expect you to return it?? I went to retrieve it from the upstairs bathroom, and the lights were all blazing up there. Yes, easy to do that when you’re not the one paying the electricity bill. And they ate my rice cakes, too. Fine, I can buy more… but if you’re not going to finish the package, close it. I’m not that fond of stale rice cakes!
*phew* Rant over.
…will not be coming with me when I leave the house tomorrow. All it does is stress me out. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for me to wear it. Self-talk, people… self-talk. I am actually really bad at self-talk. And I am even worse at asking someone to knock some sense into my head for me (I believe the term would be “support”), which is quite helpful in terms of digging myself into a hole. I should probably learn to get good at self-talk.
If only I weren’t so dismayed by all of the schoolwork I have to do… why am I doing this, again??
Have a great Thursday… almost the weekend. Thank goodness.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”