Procrastinationville

If anyone is giving out awards for a Procrastination Queen, I think I ought to be nominated.  No, scratch that; I definitely ought to win.  There is no other reason why I would be here, blogging, when I have a paper and two presentations due on Monday.  And yet, here I am…  I am sure that at some point in my life, I will learn that ignoring unsavory situations actually does not make them disappear.  However, that time does not appear to be now!

On Friday night, my parents, brother and I went over to my brother’s house to see my new niece.  Naturally, she is adorable.  :)  I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have a lot of nieces and nephews; so much so, in fact, that I’m not even sure exactly how many if I don’t stop and count!  But it is still always a marvel to me… a few days ago, she didn’t even really technically “exist,” and now she’s like this whole little person.  Very strange.  My sister-in-law keeps calling her “him” … I guess it will take a while to get used to having a girl in the house!  ;)

I went to Whole Foods on Friday to pick up the next experimental flavor from Turtle Mountain’s lines of dairy-free ice cream… after a lot of debating, I upped the challenging factor a bit… it is the “Weekend Challenge,” after all!

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Cherry nirvana and blueberry cheesecake… I decided it would expedite the process of trying every flavor if we had one on Friday night and one on Saturday, instead of just one a week!  To explain why this is more frightful than some of the other flavors (though I don’t see why it matters that I got these now, as we will eventually try all the flavors anyway), have a look:

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I have this notion that anything over 150 calories in a serving of something like this is “unreasonable.”  I have no idea why I came to think so, but as I apparently need to get over it at some point in my life, I guess now is as good a time as any.  For the record, the cherry nirvana tastes an awful lot like cherry liqueur; this isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, though I actually do hate cherry liqueur.  There were also big chunks of chocolate in it, and I would have liked it better had they been smaller.  But it wasn’t bad.  The blueberry cheesecake, I think, might have been my favorite so far, though again, the crust pieces were way too big.

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I don’t know who came up with the concept of this microwave pumpkin pie, but it’s brilliant.  I made an enormous stack, using 1/2 cup pumpkin and 1/2 cup All Whites, along with nutmeg and cinnamon… and dusted a lot more cinnamon on top!  I think I’d actually increase the ratio of All Whites to pumpkin next time, because I prefer a firmer texture.

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Soy yogurt, Truvia, raspberry acai applesauce, and Puffins (finished a box of cereal… whoo!).  This was good.

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This, however, was not.  It ripped off a recipe I found on my gym’s bulletin board (not literally; I actually took a picture of it)… 1/2 cup pumpkin, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, 1/2 cup ice cubes, 5-7 ounces water, two dashes cinnamon, and a dash of nutmeg.  I have this annoying tendency to forget that I don’t actually care all that much for canned pumpkin.  Maybe that’s why I didn’t like this, or maybe it was the protein powder, which I’d never used in a smoothie before… either way, this was not a “pumpkin delight” at all.  In fact, I couldn’t even drink it.

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Carrots and “Mediterranean Medley hommus” had to satisfy my need for something orange instead.  Pardon the horrible picture.

Allow me to indulge in self-congratulations for a moment, because I think I may be a genius.  A stupid genius, if such a thing exists, but a genius nonetheless…

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This box of granola had a “best by” date sometime in December… but it had been open for a while, since I developed a completely irrational fear of it, and there was one serving left in there.  But I guess since it had been opened so long ago, it was no longer crunchy!  I decided to pop it in the oven to see if that would help.  It wasn’t happening quickly enough for my impatient self, so I turned up the heat over 400 … and I wound up with very dark granola.  It actually wasn’t all that crispy, but anyway…

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I stirred it into soy yogurt mixed with Truvia, and even though it wasn’t crispy, it was still warm… a fact that was very welcome, given the nasty weather!  So, filed for future reference: warm granola + yogurt = good.

My “best friend” texted me earlier… I am kind of at a loss, here.  First of all, I can’t figure out why, seemingly out of the blue, she wants to lean so heavily on me for support.  (I know it sounds weird to say I don’t know why my best friend wants support from me; for those of you who aren’t aware of this, the quotes mean she was my best friend once, but now she is just my oldest friend.)  I’m not sure if it’s because, for whatever reason, she doesn’t feel like she can discuss it with anyone else.  I guess her husband can’t deal, or whatever.  The thing is, you would assume that someone like me — who has had my fair share of depressive episodes — would know how to support someone through something similar.  But the thing is, I don’t.  I don’t know what I want from someone else when I’m going through something like that; all I ever wished for was for someone to just make it all go away.  And nobody can do that.

This is all making me feel quite like a horrible friend… a horrible person.  Because I’m doubting why she’s coming to me.  Because I’m still thinking about how it makes me feel, when it isn’t about me at all.  Because I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do, and I don’t want to resort to trite comments, so I’m saying nothing at all.  Because a small part of me is actually upset that she doesn’t realize how much she does have, when I am definitely guilty of the same sin.  Because I’m afraid of saying that I’m there for her no matter what, since I don’t know if I can or will be and I don’t want to lie.  Because any of this is a question to me at all.  I wish I was the type of person who could just drop everything for others, but I’m not.  I’m just far too selfish for that, and I hate myself for it.

But I guess I don’t hate myself enough, because if I did, I would just drop everything and run to her.  Even though I’d practically rather drink acid than talk.  I don’t mind talking, really, I just mind terribly when it comes to talking about such things as feelings.  Talking about others’ feelings isn’t as bad as talking about my own, but still.  I used to love the phone, and now I hate it.

It all baffles me, really.  While I definitely don’t know exactly what “support” is, I’m fairly certain I’d recognize it if I had it.  As I don’t, how on earth am I supposed to know how to offer it to someone else?!

I’ll stop babbling now.  Enjoy what’s left of your weekend!

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19 responses to “Procrastinationville

  1. hhaha holla procrastinator-

    did you like the agave plus? i wasn’t a fan…i love puffins better. =D

  2. girl your friend came to you for a reason..because YOU have something to offer that nobody else does..everybody is unique in their own way! i know that you have words of wisdom to offer her

    okay so that pumpkin pie stuff.. ive tried it and it was a total FAIL! how exactly do you make it? yours looks perfect!!

    and AWESOME about the ice cream! you go girl! i love that brand!

  3. laurasworthlesswords

    Maybe your friend is dealing with something she feels her more current? friends couldnt cope with or she doesnt feel comfortable in telling them, at least with you, you were both once best friends so you know each other well but you arent currently big features in each others lives.
    I think I can kind of understand what you are getting at with the support issue, Im terrible at giving support, I can listen no problem but when it actually comes to giving advice I`m useless!
    Lend her an ear anyhow, she is an old friend after all and treat her like you would like to be treated if it was you, put yourself in her shoes.

    Those pumpkin pancake things look great, I wish I had tried something like that with my pumpkin!
    xoxo

  4. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you say that you don’t know how to offer support because you’ve never really received it yourself. You can’t expect yourself to be someone who is open emotionally if you’ve only been exposed to an environment in which feelings are repressed, hidden or ignored. The fact that she has come to you emphasises that you are not a horrible person in the slightest. I don’t think you’re selfish at all: I think that you suffer from crippling self-doubt which prevents you from both opening up to others and giving advice for fear of it being ‘useless’ or sounding, as you say ‘trite’. But sometimes people just want a response, trite or otherwise. It’s difficult to know what to do in terms of advice when you know that technically there is nothing you can really ‘do’ in terms of allevating the problem, but you’re worth so much more than you realise and I think perhaps she just wants a sympathetic ‘ear’ as it were. I’m terrible at dealing with both other people’s feelings and my own in ‘real’ life and I definitely sympathise with the bind you’re in right now. I’m still learning how to react when others are upset as it generally just tends to make me feel uncomfortable, which leads to the sense of selfishness that you described.

    For what it’s worth, your online advice and comments are always straight, to the point and never trite in the slightest. You’re an extremely sage person and a great friend in the blogging sense, no matter what you may think.

    That granola looks divine…though with me around the box would be gone in a day probably. Warming it up sounds like a fantastic idea and I think I’ll try that with some of my lacklustre ‘Bear’ granola tomorrow. Thanks for the idea :)
    <3

    xoxo

  5. I think your friend came to you because she needed something (advice/encouragement/whatever) that you can give her, because you’re a friend for a reason…even if you don’t realise it yourself:)
    Congratulations with your niece, don’t you love those little babies? I do!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  6. Well I think I already hold the title of Procrastination Queen UK, so maybe you could lead the cause for the USA!
    I wish I had something useful to say about your friend, but to be honest I am not good in that sort of situation either. I have trouble giving advice and support to people face to face, strong emotions make me feel uncomfortable. I usually end up making stupid jokes :P I don’t think you are a bad or selfish person, I just think it’s hard to cope with stuff like that if you’re not comfortable with your own feelings and difficulties.
    I went swimming earlier and thought of you! Lol, what an odd confession.

  7. I wasn’t wild about the blueberry cheesecake non-dairy ice cream either. It had a bit of a strange aftertaste to me…

    Anyways, the old saying “misery wants company” is true. If your friend is going through a similar problem, most likely she just wants somebody to talk to about it that will understand.

  8. No, sorry, I would win the title of Procrastination Queen :P hehe, Don’t stress yourself, girl! Your work will get done. Besides, people do a better job when they are inspired! I try not to force myself to do work ever.

    You and I share the same calorie number restriction. I also think anything over 150 is preposterous! That is so silly though, you enjoyed your ice cream, you deserved it, and that is what matters! I may go buy some for myself :)

    About your friend, sometimes people just want to be listened to.. no advice needed. You don’t have to feel forced to reply or give tips, the majority of people just want a shoulder to cry on and that is what friends are for.
    You are not a bad friend, don’t think that ever.

    <3Karina

  9. I agree with Karina. Your friend probably just wants you to listen and give her comfort, knowing you two were best friends before. You shouldn’t worry about giving her advice unless she specifically asks for it.

    Don’t overthink this situation. Just treat her how you would want to be treated, if you were in her situation, and think about how you would feel if you were in her place.

    Why do you prefer Truvia over stevia brands? I use SweetLeaf and love it!

  10. If you can find it, I definitely recommend the So Delicious Coconut Ice Cream (also made by turtle mountain). It is excellent!

  11. Coconut Ice Cream? That sounds soooo yummy!

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