I want to watch Game 6 of the World Series tomorrow, and since the pool was closed today anyway because of Election Day (don’t even get me started on that), I saw my nutritionist today instead of tomorrow.  I was really terrified either way — I didn’t want to find out I’ve gained a crazy amount of weight, but I also didn’t want to deal with the backlash if I’d lost.  As it turns out, I maintained.  To the ounce.  It is insanely late, so lucky for you who is reading this, I am not going to get into it… but I gave in.  I went to CVS after my appointment.

It isn’t Boost Plus, obviously… but I guess it’s better than what I was using before.  (It helped that this one was on sale… it is insane how expensive these things are!!)  Just thinking about what I have to do for the next week makes me want to cry… and I really, really can’t afford this now, because I have so much work to do for school that I am just not doing.  I wish the World Series would have ended last night… would have freed up my schedule some!!

And my Bolivian ram died.  It was one of my favorites. 

My “best friend” from elementary / high school and I had a little talk the other day. She claims that I “disappeared” once she got married. It’s true that I might have been a little distracted around the time she got married — that happened at the same time that I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. The one time I tried to talk with her about it, she interpreted my “It’s hard to pretend to be happy when you’re not” as “I am jealous of you and it is difficult for me to pretend I’m happy for you.” Which is not what I meant at all, but she always seems to turn things around so it’s all about her. That was the last time I really tried to talk to her about anything of true value. And besides, I thought she might have aligned her priorities a bit differently, considering she has a husband, and all.

Fast forward to the present. She’s going through some medical issues, and I’m the only one of her friends who really knows. I guess she felt that since she knows about my ED, I was a safe repository. (When I say she knows, I mean just that; we never talk about it at all.) So in our recent chat, which was the first time we’d caught up in a while, I stupidly (because I keep doing that… trying to get through to someone when I know I won’t) told her about the problems I’m having because of this thyroid medication, because it’s making me lose weight. Her response was, “Now you can eat more of the foods you enjoy without worrying that you’ll gain extra weight.”

I’m not judging her on her inability to understand where I’m coming from. She’s very lucky not to have ever been in that position. But seriously — did you listen to a single word I just said?! If I was just able to “eat more of the foods I enjoy without worrying,” the weight loss wouldn’t be a problem!

I think that a major part of why I might withdraw from people is due to my black-and-white thinking. If I’m not extremely important to someone, I automatically equate that with rejection and decide that I am just useless, so there’s no point in sticking around.  It’s just that I already feel like I’m extraneous, so it seems sort of … self-destructive, in a way, for me to subject myself to the possibility of being hurt over and over and over again.

Anyway, enough of my babbling. On to the pictures.

I said I was indecisive… so much for my making a decision! I love these shirts so much that I went back and bought another one. (Naturally, they didn’t have my first choice in my size. Oh, well.)

I’d never tried this flavor Larabar before, for the following reason:

Yeah. Frightful. But I have to say that even after I got past that, I didn’t actually care very much for this bar. The banana flavor was way too pronounced for my taste, and there were far too many nuts. But at least now I know, right?

New bar alert!

NuGo10, in the lemon flavor… this is very similar to a Larabar, but the citrus taste is much stronger than the lemon bar Larabar. In fact, I think it might be a little too strong! If you like citrus, you’d love this; if you don’t, you will definitely hate it.

Another embarrassingly huge salad! This one had romaine, baby bellas, baby peppers, whole grain rotini, and “roasted” tofu. It was so enormous that I managed to complete a crossword, two sudokus, and a ken ken in the amount of time it took me to eat it.

Steamfresh broccoli and cauliflower, (deformed) vegetarian drumstick, and quinoa… the addition of which was extremely anxiety-provoking.  I have found, however, that I would probably love anything if it was seasoned with garlic salt.

…and now that I have another sleep-deprived, terrifying day ahead of me, I bid you all adieu.  Have an awesome Hump Day!